“A magic sword.” It was very clear to Tom. “It must be a magic sword, with magic… stuff. I need to kill the Dragon.”
The shopkeeper chuckled into his beard, which looked as though it sprang from not only his chin but ears, chest and back.
“Laddie, what you need is a good old-fashioned piece of steel. Nothing beats steel.”
Tom sighed. “No. It has to be a magic sword. You don’t seem to understand.”
Smiling this time (of course, Tom couldn’t see the smile on account of the amazingly dense shrubbery that made up the man’s beard) the Shopkeeper agreed. “No. I don’t. Why don’t you tell me.”
Tom looked at the man’s eyes. Checking for sarcasm — it seemed like the Shopkeeper geniuinely wanted to listen. Looking around at the emptiness of the store, Tom thought he probably relished the company.
The Shopkeeper’s eyes twinkled, as if he knew what Tom was thinking. Which he did.
“Okay, then. It’s a bit of a long story. Epic, you might say.”
The Shopkeeper spread his arms. “As you’ve already seen, I’ve got no other customers, and nowhere else to be.”
And with that, Tom began.
He was correct. It was an epic story. At times the Shopkeeper laughed out loud. He cried too, echoing Tom’s painful reliving of all that had happened. At one point, the Shopkeeper grabbed a nasty-looking club from beneath the bench and swore vengeance himself upon the Dragon.
Draining the last of his mug, Tom spoke the last words of his story slowly. “And so, you see, I must have a magic sword. I need to kill the Dragon.”
The Shopkeeper nodded. He walked out the back of the store, and Tom was left waiting. Minutes passed. Then the Shopkeeper appeared again. In his arms was a long bundle, wrapped in green and brown cloth.
The Shopkeeper passed the bundle to Tom.
“It’s what you need.”
Tom looked down at what was in his hands. He could feel the magic burning through the cloth.
“Too easy this time.”
The Shopkeeper’s eyes widened a little as Tom’s appearance changed. But he was not cowed.
“You. That was a fine story. Is any of it true?”
Tom, who was Tom, but not, laughed. “Some of it. I’ve picked up bits and pieces around the place, out of the minds of babes and strangers.”
Later, Tom walked from the store, wiping the magic sword clean. He held it up, watching the sunlight catch, the magic singing.
Walking to the carriage, Tom threw the sword into the darkness. A hand reached out and grabbed it.
“You have done well, my son.”
Tom climbed nimbly to the driver’s seat, grabbed the reins and flicked the horses into motion.
A thousand times. Every rendition, every performance, every time he convinced another fool to relinquish their ownership over an epic and legendary weapon or piece of armor it was another forward step.
They were close to the end.
You see, there was a Dragon. His name was Alcamus. He was the scourge of evil in a distant land. A place where Tom’s family had once ruled with might and fear and darkness.
Soon, by Tom’s hand, the Dragon would be dead. Soon Alcamus, Night-Bane, Dread Light Wielder, Son of Garamus, would be no more.
Tom laughed softly, the sound echoing out and around the noise of the carriage moving along the road.
It was a good day.
Stu Andrews: Husband. Father. Story Teller. Often mistaken for a silver-back gorilla due to excessive amounts of body hair and large shoulders.
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24 Responses to “A MAGIC SWORD • by Stu Andrews”
Comments
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January 20th, 2009 at 1:45 am
“He was the scourge of evil in a distant land”.
This doesn’t work. When I came to it I read it as something like “He was the scourge of a distant land, evil incarnate”. After reading what followed it jarred, so on re-reading it seems to make more sense as something like “He scourged the evil in a distant land” – but that’s not how it came over.
January 20th, 2009 at 3:09 am
THE STORY WAS BORING
January 20th, 2009 at 4:49 am
Making the dragon a force for good is an interesting conceit, but I have to agree with PM Lawrence – the structure of the last few sentences didn’t bring the twist out forcefully enough.
It seemed for a bit that the shopkeeper was somehow magical (twinkling eyes, his knowing what Tom was thinking), then he wasn’t – I got the sense you weren’t sure if you wanted him to be magical, or not.
The mention of Tom draining his mug was jarring; where did the mug come from, if he’s standing at the counter of a shop?
January 20th, 2009 at 5:40 am
This story began well, but…
January 20th, 2009 at 5:48 am
Like everyone says, there are some discrepancies, especially the last part. I had to re-read twice to realize Tom wasn’t exactly an agent of good, that the dragon was not evil. It might be a testament of my reading comprehension, but other than that part, the idea’s pretty damn great.
January 20th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Yeah, it was kind of hard to figure out who was the good guy and who was the bad guy. Or maybe two bad guys–the dragon and Tom’s family–having a turf war over the heads or the unfortunate people of that distant land.
January 20th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Like others have said, it wasn’t exactly clear what was going on. I got that Tom had bad intentions, but didn’t know the dragon was the good guy until I read other’s comments. Interesting idea though, changing the old myth.
January 20th, 2009 at 6:31 am
“Yeah, it was kind of hard to figure out who was the good guy and who was the bad guy.”
Ahhh. Life.
Story was okay.
January 20th, 2009 at 7:21 am
I thought it was well written in a style like fable, parable, or fairy tale, until I reached the conundrum of the “moral”. How could it be good to kill a scourge of evil? It isn’t. Opening Wikipedia, I learned that the ancient Hebrew Leviathan is interpreted as (1)dragon,(2)whale, (3)alligator. I am supposing the dragon could represent the U.S.A. which has been a scourge of evil but has also endangered the alligator and the whale. Let’s protect the whale, preserve the alligator (fenced in) and ask for blessing of the U.S.A.
January 20th, 2009 at 7:45 am
What???
January 20th, 2009 at 9:01 am
I meant to say: ask that the U.S.A. be blessed. In actuality the whale (witness Jonah), the alligator, and tyrannous rex were maneaters. Now you know that the U.S.A. is not a maneater, I know that the U.S.A. is not a maneater, why does Tom suspect that the U.S.A. is a maneater?
January 20th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Tom is gathering together all the magic he can(in company with an evil dragon, witch, or wizard) to defeat the good dragon (good witch, or wizard?) that overthrew Tom and his evil family who ruled a faraway land.
I believe that is it–and an interesting story and concept, I think.
Another fifty words laced throughout might have made things more clear, but story was good.
–dj
January 20th, 2009 at 10:50 am
I really love the concept, but like others, found the last few lines a little confusing. I knew what you were trying to say, but it didn’t come across entirely clearly. Another fifty or so words and I think you’d've been able to pull it off perfectly, as aside from the end I thought the writing was very good indeed.
I have to ask, regarding the comments, Roberta, what are you on about? What does the USA have to do with this?
January 20th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Thanks for all the comments guys! Taken on board.
Honestly, I banged this together on a whim. Should have spent a bit more time on it, making things clearer. The scourge thing was sposed to be “clever”, but I guess breaks the golden rule of not being too clever.
Again, thanks. Much appreciated.
January 20th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Thanks for putting this together. You might consider, as you sandpaper and polish it per others’ remarks, to remove the author’s voice and leave it from Tom’s POV.
I don’t find that flash fiction takes competing POVs well. I find it jarring in such a short piece, but that might just be me.
January 20th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
TW,
Cheers. Could very easily do a rewrite and remove the second pov. Nice.
January 20th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Sounds like this got accepted a little too quickly. I agree that with a rewrite to make things clearer and a bit less clever, it could be a good story.
January 24th, 2009 at 1:56 am
Here’s the thing. For the first half of the story I thought that Tom was a young schizophrenic in a fantasy store (we used to live across from one that mad high end swords and historical weapons). Now that would have been a poignant story. And the writing was really good! But then, the last half became a little silly. I have nothing against the fantasy genre but it feels like you wrote that last half too quickly. I think you should spend some more time on it, and omit the last four paragraphs completely. It’s more fun for the reader to imagine what nefarious deeds the boy and his master (father?) are really plotting.
To sum up, the first half of the story is really well written and deserves to have the second half edited to match.
January 24th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Kristy,
Thanks for the advice.
Not sure I’m going to rewrite this one. It came to me as I wrote it, and I kind of like where it went. Even though it was a short story, it ended with a hint of Epic. Can’t help myself, love the stereotype.
But thankyou. I’ll be sure to remember your advice in future stories.
January 26th, 2009 at 5:44 am
Stu,
No worries. You’re writing is easy to read, you have a very likeable writer’s “voice”
January 26th, 2009 at 7:53 am
I think the moral is – Don’t put your own defenses into others’ hands. The life you save might be your own.
January 26th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Kristy,
Thanks! That’s very cool to hear. Kudos!
January 27th, 2009 at 7:01 am
Stu,
Really enjoyed this story and I enjoyed the twist, although, like others, I did find it confusing on my first read. I liked the line, “Too easy this time,” the second time I read it, but the first time, it came out of nowhere and it took me a minute to catch on to what was happening.
January 27th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Robin,
Thanks for taking the time to comment! Much appreciated, both your encouragement and your honesty about being confused.
Part of me likes that people were confused, because it’s exciting to think folk are re-reading the story
But I know that the first rule of beginners writing (or one of the many rules) is to be simple. Which I broke.
Cheers!