Thanks for those comments. And Anon, this was only a flash – not a full novel.. If I ever expand it, I’ll keep your comments in mind.

Now, Life moves on, chaps…

I see your point about alien naming schema, though I guess I’m used to most authors just waving their hands and assuming ease of communication with aliens.

Chakula caused a supernova of the Sun? I thought the Sun is too small to supernova… “Solitary stars with a mass below approximately nine[5] solar masses, such as the Sun itself, evolve into white dwarfs without ever becoming supernovae.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supernova

Taking on faith that Chakula caused the supernova, why did she cause a supernova when she and her people left the sun? Where did they go? And how did her search for intelligent life fit into all of this?

Loosen up GD, it’s only a story.

Let me ask this – if you EVER met an alien – would you expect him/her to call the atomic arrangement of one proton & one electron – Hydrogen? Would you think less of them if they didn’t?

Thanks for the suggested change re Entropy – but I found the phrase you supplied… clunky.

Good tip about audience – Yes I do try to write to my audience – and indeed would be VERY surprised if I got an Alien critique on this ( but then maybe not, everybody and his dog has taken a pop it seems!!). But if I’d written both sides as “Human” the story would have fallen flat.

And the story’s premise is simple – Chakula lived ON the Sun, and was tasked with finding a new home/star for her people (Theirs was cooling down- all all Suns are). To cut to the endgame – she caused a supernova and wiped out the Earth – a hazard of letting adolescents loose in Grown Up’s jobs.

Hop this clears up a few points.

Cheers

Avis

“A new home, with all the temperature they could possibly need”
Temperature is a property of matter. Everything has temperature. Thus it doesn’t make sense to say “all the temperature they could possibly need” — GD is right, the word is heat. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temperature

“Time was running to entropy”
Time, more generally space-time, cannot “run to entropy.” This doesn’t make any sense. You could have said “Entropy increased as time went on,” but not what you said.

And as for your comment about writing about aliens, that may be true; but if one writes about aliens to humans, one should write for humans, not for aliens. Always write to your audience.

Finally, a question:
What happens at the end?

A plasma ball breaks off the sun and hits Earth? Why, exactly? I’m confused as to what Chacula sought. Did she look for the sun? But if the sun, why did she seek intelligent life? I admit I’m lost as to what she was trying to find.

Thanks for taking the trouble to read & comment.

Terri glad you agree.

Sylvia, I have no problem with criticism, just the way GD doles it out. The logic was fairly simple, cross wires and trigger happy youth, and the need to look before we leap, really about sums it up. The timing? In the sorty, or because it was the day before CERN was switched one?!!

Glad you read it anyway, and you were MOST polite when commenting, so I got back to you and engaged!!

I struggled with the logic and timing of the story but perservered, to find an old joke as the pay-off.

The writing was fine but I can’t help but feel that the story could have gone somewhere.