Here we are, been sitting in the middle of the bridge for an hour. It’s “bonding” day. An idea that occurs to Dad about every six months. He thinks I care. Yesterday, he got back from two weeks in Shanghai. Before that he was in Dubai for a month. Hot shot architect. Make hay while the sun shines, son. Today, we’re going horseback riding in Bodega.
Morning started off bad. At breakfast, he teed off again on my girl friend, taking me away from swim team practice. Without Mom there, we’d have probably punched one another. Now everything’s cool; I’m listening to my IPod, Jay-Z. But he starts in on my grades. They’re okay. Not great. Probably not Wesleyan, but definitely UC Santa Cruz. He can’t shut up. Wants details.
“What about biology? Why only a B? You can’t cut up a frog?”
I ignore him. I look up at the sky, at the chicks walking across the bridge. Then Dad hits me, hard. Same place my arm was broken a year ago. I holler.
“What do you expect, you don’t pay attention?” he says.
“You trying to break it again? Son of a bitch.” I say.
“What do you mean, again? You got that screwing around at Squaw.”
That’s it, I’m history, I’m out of there, nothing’s ever right, him only thinking about how much I’m costing him. Open the door, up on the hood, jump to the walkway, then up on the rail.
Pretty down there, water’s really blue today. Turn around. Flip Dad the bird. He’s out of the car. Running, yelling. About 20 feet away. I swing my leg out. Perfect. He stops, mouth open, no sound. Good, he’s scared. A first. Can’t cut up a frog. Can’t cut up a frog.
Make him pull me off.
Townsend Walker lives in San Francisco. During a career in finance he published three books: on foreign exchange, on derivatives, and the last one on portfolio management. Four years ago he went to Rome and started writing fiction inspired by cemeteries, foreign lands, paintings, murders and strong women. His stories have been published in two dozen literary journals, on-line and print.
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25 Responses to “AN INCIDENT AT GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE • by Townsend Walker”
Comments
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January 28th, 2010 at 2:48 am
Five stars.
January 28th, 2010 at 3:22 am
GREAT story! Smooth read, fast-paced, lots of information in a short period of time. I didn’t get hung up on the writing at all and the ending was perfect–it was believable.
January 28th, 2010 at 4:21 am
Fabulous, perfect ending. *****
January 28th, 2010 at 6:17 am
A natural five; perfectly written for the length and format, just the right amount of information, and the kid is written just right.
January 28th, 2010 at 6:24 am
Neat story! Ending was spot-on. Good pacing.
January 28th, 2010 at 6:36 am
High tension, just like the bridge where the action unfolds.
–John
January 28th, 2010 at 7:38 am
Very fine characterization of GDaddy and Bkid. Not a word wasted, beautifully fast paced. Great.
January 28th, 2010 at 7:59 am
You totally nailed the teenager’s voice. Excellent work, great story!
January 28th, 2010 at 8:00 am
I don’t get what happened at the end at all. Maybe it is an American English vs English or age thing (I am English and 42)? I was really enjoying it but not being able to understand the ending was a huge disappointment.
January 28th, 2010 at 8:28 am
I was flummoxed by the end, too.
A good read, though.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Yhat was an excellent story. The characterization and writing were spot on and fast paced. I read through it *fast* but not for any need to get through it quickly. Five stars.
For those confused by the ending, the tennage son has jumped off the bridge.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:19 am
Sorry… I didn’t get it. The staccato pacing and half sentences totally did not work for me. I know this is how teens talk, but it really doesn’t translate well to paper.
To me it seems to detract from a timely story that could have been told so much better.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:22 am
Jen, I didn’t think the boy jumped off the bridge. My understanding is that “make him pull me off” refers to the boy making his dad pull him off the rail.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:23 am
The beauty of the piece is we don’t know if the kid jumped. The story ends (my interpretation) just as he wobbles on the edge, hoping his father saves him. It’s all about the stuff kids do to get parental attention.
I’m a fan of fragments when the intensity of the story demands it. And this demands it. MHO.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:29 am
Ditto what Linda said. Or maybe the Dad just says to hell with it and pushes him off the bridge. “Sorry officer, the kid jumped.”
–John
January 28th, 2010 at 9:48 am
I just read it through a second time and again, it is stunning, astonishing. My stomach actually hurt for the kid.
Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
January 28th, 2010 at 9:59 am
Sorry, that’s what I meant that he w was attempting to jump of, hoping his dad would save him. I should’ve more clear.
January 28th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
This is one of the VERY best pieces
I’ve read on this site.
I understood it all the way.
Great understanding of teens
and over achieving parents.
5 ***** + 2 bonus **
January 28th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
The voice was great. I was enjoying this right along until I got to the end and didn’t understand what happened. Very disappointing.
January 28th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
Yeah, the ending … I THINK the kid was just threatening to jump, but it’s not real clear.
But the title says it all. “An INCIDENT at Golden Gate Bridge,” to me it was more of an INCIDENT than a story. Might make a good scene in something longer, but didn’t really have what it takes to stand on its own.
January 28th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
The last line got me a bit too. Here in Australia “pull me off” has other meanings that are a little distracting.
Still, good pacing, etc. I give 3.
January 28th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
Good visual images.
January 30th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
So did he jump, fall what? I am a father 3 times, I took no stuff from my kids. I had their love because they respected me. You earn respect this kid had none. Dad’s fault!
January 31st, 2010 at 10:30 am
The son says “he thinks I care.” I didn’t think of him jumping. I thought he stuck his leg out to trip his running father.
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:52 pm
I liked the story, but I didn’t understand one part… what does “he teed off again on my girl friend” mean?