Late afternoon sun lances through the attic window and he stretches and kneads his hands, though he has done nothing but sit and listen to the taut shimmer of silence in the house below. Once or twice the thunder of a door, probably the bedroom door, rumbles up the narrow stairs. By now he can’t even remember what they fought over, except that it was something trivial. Something stupid. And he’d started it.
He shuffles down to the kitchen. Ivory chunks of potato steam gently in the serving bowl. The skillet pops and sizzles contentedly as two salmon steaks cook in a nest of caramel brown onions. He licks his lips and hopes this is a good sign. The sink is full and he turns the water on to its hottest and begins to wash the dishes. Cutting board; potato peeler; mixing bowl and measuring cups.
The screened door slams open and she comes in, kicks off her sandals and pads across the floor to the stove. The front edge of her shirt is gathered into a sling, filled to the brim with lush green pods which she dumps onto the counter. With firm hands she begins to shuck the lima beans. A quick pull on the tip, a downward tug and the seam opens up into mirroring, curved halves. Inside he glimpses pale, tight flesh with darker green veins running across the surface.
He swallows and wipes his hands on a dishtowel. Her hair curls against her neck, damp from the heat of the garden, and a little trickle of sweat slides down her neck, disappearing into the shadow of her shirt. Cautiously, and straining not to seem cautious, he puts his hand in the small of her back. Her lips, slightly parted with concentration, seal together in a stern line but she doesn’t pull away. Encouraged, he puts his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him. “I’m sorry,” he says.
She turns and looks at him and her cheeks are flushed. Leans into him a bit. “I know.”
He lets his hands slide down a little further. “I think… maybe tonight…” he trails off, unsure if it’s wise to continue.
She takes his left hand with a frown. “No.” Very gently she slides her mouth over his ring finger, sucking him in until her lips brush against the gold band at the very base. He grips the counter with his other hand, the breath rushing out of him in hard bursts. She pulls him back out and licks her lips. “Now.”
By day A.G. Carpenter is a mild-mannered stay-at-home mother. By night she writes fiction of (and for) all sorts. She prefers Die Hard to When Harry Met Sally, and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly over Animal House. Her favorite color is black.
GD Star Rating
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39 Responses to “APOLOGY • by A.G. Carpenter”
Comments
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June 3rd, 2011 at 2:10 am
I liked the description of the salmon steaks cooking.
Sheila
June 3rd, 2011 at 2:34 am
**
June 3rd, 2011 at 3:13 am
I like the description but I’m not sure such a simple domesticated scene works as a short story because there is nothing to ‘hook’ the reader. We don’t know anything about them at all so we don’t know why the ending is supposed to be significant.
June 3rd, 2011 at 3:38 am
I love the fact they have a garden and the simple act of shucking lima beans working to show what has been a long term relationship. (Longer, at least, than a couple of weeks.) The silliness of hanging on to an argument and the makeup sex make a perfect ending without a moral. Nicely done. It may not be a literary masterpiece but I genuinely liked the story and its structure. I went 5 stars with this one.
June 3rd, 2011 at 3:48 am
For me, the piece was overly descriptive. I found myself studying the descriptions, wondering why a door would ‘rumble’ unless perhaps it was a sliding door, why were the potatoes ready when the beans hadn’t even been picked, does silence shimmer tautly, why mention about the water being on its hottest, did it add anything knowing which dishes she’d used in preparation. And it all got in the way of the piece, nicely done though it was.
I think it’s beautifully written, and I enjoyed the read, but was left feeling…. “and?” In a longer story it would make great reading but in a flash it just seemed a bit unsatisfying to me.
June 3rd, 2011 at 3:54 am
Just as a skilled writer can convey a sex scene without explicit language, so also can one convey sleaze.
June 3rd, 2011 at 4:06 am
I loved the writing, really really good, and had me from the start. I agree that there isn’t much “story” in the story, but it was an easy read, an pleasing.
Well done.
June 3rd, 2011 at 4:14 am
I didn’t get “sleaze” out of the ending. For me it was just that the level of arrousal generally required for a woman to perform the mentioned act wouldn’t have been met by someone who was still as angry as the woman in this story seems to be. Perhaps if we knew why they fought, or if it was significant that they husband washed the dishes, then we would understand why she went from cold to hot so suddenly. Still, I thought the writing was great.
June 3rd, 2011 at 5:18 am
Pretty much agree that there wasn’t much of a story but the writing was good. Don’t discover much about the characters except what they like to eat. It certainly didn’t strike me as sleazy.
Not a great piece of flash but good substance for something longer.
June 3rd, 2011 at 6:27 am
Liked what there was of it. Three stars…
June 3rd, 2011 at 7:23 am
No arguments from me, the writing was very good. My only complaint in that department is the number of words ending with ‘ly’, but that’s a personal preference. I detest adverbs and try to avoid them wherever possible.
As others have said, I didn’t really feel like there was much of a story here, but for what the story is conveying (in only 425 words) that’s OK with me. The reader is challenged to imagine the beginning and the end of the story (although it seems the ending might come with a PG, or higher, rating) and I found it easy to envision the argument leading up to this scene in the kitchen.
For me, it’s the characters I don’t like. So little of them is revealed that they feel like cardboard cutouts playing stereotypical roles. But I’m a bigger fan of character-driven stuff overall, so that’s just a personal opinion.
Hope to see more from the author!
June 3rd, 2011 at 8:11 am
Nice story; I like not knowing whether she’s the woman he’s married to. Unnecessary, annoying use of present tense; I mentally translated it to past tense as I read.
June 3rd, 2011 at 8:21 am
for me expectations of what a story should be are mostly irrelevant, particularly with such short works of fiction. here it is the language–not just text written on the page but also sound–that draws me in. the words and sounds coalesce into images. i liken this piece to a painting or photograph. it is a snapshot of a particular moment filled with colour and shape that draws in the viewer and invites her to explore the world of /Apology/.
June 3rd, 2011 at 9:11 am
I like this one a lot. How can you not like a story that starts with anger and ends with sex!? I like the sensual physicality of it, the food cooking, the hot water, the lush, green, fleshy beans, the trickle of sweat, and of course the finger-sucking, all of it leading perfectly into the sexy climax left to the imagination. The only glitch for me was how he could possibly have already forgotten what they’d fought about, when it had so seriously disrupted their domestic peace. Other than that, nice work, A.G.!
June 3rd, 2011 at 9:12 am
I had trouble with this one. I thought the mc was a child up until he touches the woman. The sudden switch from child to man (in my head), followed by the foreplay, was just too abrupt and left me cold.
I agree with the sleaze comment.
June 3rd, 2011 at 9:24 am
Not really any story arc, which I think is needed in any piece, even flash. There has to be something that reveals how a character has been changed by the story, IMO. This is a warm and compelling scene in many ways, but it begins with the MC hiding or moping in the attic and ends with her accepting his minimal apology and prompting make-up sex.
In what way has he changed, other than probably being relieved that she isn’t mad at him any more and happy that he’s getting dessert before dinner?
Some of the elements of the scene-setting are really very nice, but in the end it just doesn’t tell me much, I’m afraid.
June 3rd, 2011 at 9:28 am
polished to a hard glinting shine…the lima beans, kitchen, attic and garden..tell me so much…the ending speaks a chapter in some other places
June 3rd, 2011 at 11:15 am
My reaction to the first paragraph was as Sandra #5 says ‘over descriptive’. I also picked up the ‘child narrator’ that Sarah #15 points out. That soon passed but it did require a reread. But from the second paragraph on I recognised these characters, at least I recognised their relationship and situation – their passion for one another – so the suggested sexual passion in conclusion fitted. Yes! Perhaps those who don’t understand have simply yet to experience long-term passionate relationship. You have a great experience in prospect – I hope. Enjoy. I’m with you Luke #13 and #17 peterman.
June 3rd, 2011 at 11:16 am
I think this is beautifully written.
June 3rd, 2011 at 1:32 pm
I like the overall concept, but I found myself lost in the minutia. How does a door thunder? How does silence shimmer tautly? Why would anyone leave salmon on the stove while they went out to pick beans? I’m left with the feeling that this piece has undeniable superficial beauty and no depth. But perhaps that is what the author intended.
June 3rd, 2011 at 1:39 pm
I thought the descriptions were great. I agree with #15, at first I thought that the MC was a child. I was a bit shocked when I realized he was a grown man.
June 3rd, 2011 at 1:56 pm
I sympathize with some of the readers. It’s just so easy to mistake men for children.
June 3rd, 2011 at 2:49 pm
I thought this was a nice glimpse into a couple’s private moments, and at how they relate to each other. Maybe because of the tone and language used, I never mistook the guy for a child like some did. The shimmer of silence and the thunder of a door closing didn’t feel off to me because right after it says they’d had a fight. Things tend to seem louder, sharper, brighter right after you feel strong emotions as you would during a fight. At least that’s my experience, and I’ve had plenty of fights with the then-husband to refer to
. So that felt spot-on to me.
The writing was descriptive (the salmon steak bit made me want to stop and go cook something with sauteed onions right NOW), and while yes, it could be a tiny moment in a longer piece, it’s not. I liked it a lot.
June 3rd, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Todd, Ajcap, what Douglas Campbell actually liked is just precisely what I found sleazy.
June 3rd, 2011 at 11:05 pm
Perhaps if they’d argued over whether or not to start a family (the narrator wanting to wait a while), the sleaze element would fall away.
I did find the piece a bit overly descriptive, but that kinda worked in its favour for me.
June 3rd, 2011 at 11:37 pm
No, the sleaze lies in what they were doing. It’s the same sort of thing that renders many public displays of affection sleazy. (Digression: I have sometimes read apologias from homosexuals claiming that, if it’s OK for heterosexuals to display their affection publicly, it must be OK for them – but I find the necessity to sidle past a canoodling heterosexual couple on a train disturbing too, let alone the sight of a couple fornicating in a telephone booth on the opposite platform.) The distress arises from the sheer glutionous, oleaginousness of it all, just like that with no lead in (the scene here is “public” in the sense that it is portrayed for outside readers). Granted, flash fiction does not allow such a lead in or progression; so? is it less in your face for there being a reason the writer did that?
June 5th, 2011 at 2:47 am
I thought mild pornography rather than sleaze, but I wonder if there’s a difference?
June 5th, 2011 at 3:28 am
I don’t usually return to discuss points raised in comments – everyone is entitled to their view – but, on this occasion, I am so astounded at some the reactions to this story that I feel I must.
As I’ve posted earlier, this story works for me, but that’s a subjective, personal opinion.
Putting the style and quality of the writing aside, several comments have homed-in on the content, referring to sleaze or mild pornography. Presumably these comments are aimed at the wife sucking her husband’s [they're written as a married couple, the gold band is made plain] ring finger. His FINGER, for Pete’s sake!
A very long time ago there was a joke circulating here in the UK about a nun who demanded that a policeman arrest a man for whistling an obscene song. The point being, in case this joke doesn’t travel well, that any obscenity had to be in the mind of the observer.
I believe an American Supreme Court judge once said words to the effect that he recognised pornography when he saw it.
Readers of the world please tell me: In your considered opinion, does this little story contain the slightest trace of sleaze or pornography?
If the consensus should be Yes, then it’s time for me to put my writing gear to bed and turn out the light.
Oscar W-S
June 5th, 2011 at 6:00 am
Sigh.
The sleaze does not consist in the specific actions, nor in who is involved in them.
It consists in the suggestive manner in which the actions are presented, including the way in which the presentation progresses and develops, and in the fact that it is presented to a reading public – the issue of being private and between married people does not come into it, dramatic fourth wall notwithstanding.
I did originally point out that the writer’s skill included conveying all that without being explicit – which in this case means, by innuendo – but that does not in any way detract from the sleaze but rather adds to it, just as it did with the late Max Miller’s comic repertoire. It is the overall effect that accomplishes this.
June 5th, 2011 at 6:59 am
What a wonderfully heartfelt story.
Twigged and Tugged my heart,,,,
Simple and real great picture
in my mind.
500 accolades to you
Ms. Carpenter…Just flippin wonderful
June 5th, 2011 at 7:04 am
For me, the issue is not whether the ending is sleazy or in any way pornographic. I don’t particularly like science fiction, for example, but will read a story and judge it on it’s own merit. In this case, if the author is writing a romance story, as this one was tagged, then it is to be expected that there will be intimate elements which, since it is being published, will be available to the public. While I wouldn’t normally read a romance book, per se, I will read and accept it for what it is here. That said, my issue remains that the abrupt switch from anger to arrousal is not explained in the story. This gives the ending a feeling of the author adding sex-for-sex’s sake, which is where, I think , some other readers perception of sleaze comes from.
June 5th, 2011 at 7:17 am
SLEAZE….HOW ON EARTH THIS GETS TRANSPORTED INTO
SLEAZE IS WAY BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION…P.M.!!
#20 ??? Yuppers…Doors do Thunder, Scream, Squeal,
thunk, Swish, etc etc etc AND try walking out on the prairie alone and just remain for a couple of mins
listening and FEELING the VOICE of Silence.
As for the Beans…ha ha..They grew in an arch right by the back door…so the fish was not really abandoned to
burn itself to a crisp due to her inattention.
Reflect on this a little bit D.B. and I think it’ll come to you on a different wave length…JD
June 6th, 2011 at 5:40 am
@22, Well now!
As for the story, it doesn’t add up in a lot of ways, as already pointed out in previous comments. Perhaps less effort in describing the unimportant aspects of the story, however beautifully.
June 6th, 2011 at 1:41 pm
Wonderfully sensual, very tasty.
June 7th, 2011 at 6:51 pm
The man was washing dishes.. sucking a dish-pan finger.. eww.
As for sleaze, phrases like “sucking him in”, “hard bursts”, “pulling him out”.. these are *in your face* pornographic terms. There was nothing left for the imagination. The characters might as well have layed there and screwed right in front of us on the kitchen counter.
Phrases like, “intense gaze”, “slightly parted lips”, “flushed cheeks”, “lingering caress”.. these types of phrases will do the job, without the porn.
FYI.. lima beans take at least 30 minutes to cook, so I guess they’re for dessert.
LoL #22
June 7th, 2011 at 6:57 pm
oops, I meant “might as well lie there…” I knew “layed” didn’t sound quite right.
June 8th, 2011 at 10:49 am
I wonder if A.G. had a clue that this story would generate such a varied slew of opinions. Personally, I was quite shocked by the sexual references and didn’t find anything the least “romantic” about them. Maybe I’d feel differently if there was more story to warrant the feeling.
June 10th, 2011 at 6:10 pm
Look at that. I’ve got fans and critics. Just like every other author in the world.
Glad I could give you all something to chew on.
July 22nd, 2011 at 8:25 am
[...] mother. By night she writes fiction of (and for) all sorts. Her microfiction has been published at Every Day Fiction, One Forty Fiction and Trapeze [...]