“Occupation?”

He never looked forward to that question; even after waiting on the line for twenty minutes, through the hold music and ‘please hold the line’ recordings.

[Remove comma after minutes]

“Superhero.” Unconsciously dropping an octave.

[Unconscious implies unconsciousness. Try involuntarily, or another synonym.]

Static hissed across the line, he could picture the call centre operator’s mouth agape. “Sorry?”

[Period after line. Insert "falling" before "agape." Or even better, "falling open." Or best, leave that whole business out. Just "Sorry?" is sufficient.]

Clearing his throat, he tried again; “Super… I’m a superhero.” Face flushing red, wishing that one of his super power’s was the ability to evade embarrassment.

[Superpowers should be one word and no apostrophe. And the way this sentence is written, other superpowers are implied. Perhaps, "Face flushing red, wishing the ability to evade embarrassment were another superpower he possessed."]

Another pause on the line, the conversation normally went one of two ways; either the person refused to believe him or he had to deal with a gusher. “Really? Wow. What’s your ability?” H2O had a gusher.

[Period after line. There is no "normal" about this discussion. Should be "usually" or "often." After ways, there should not be a semicolon, should be a colon or a comma.: "The conversation at this point usually went one of two ways: either the person refused to believe him, or he had to deal with a gusher."

"Gusher" in this context is an awkward pun.]

And it just gets worse from there.

Taken overall, the story is sort of cute at the beginning, and it is not really awful. But simple editing could have helped this story tremendously.

FWIW.

This way of writing may easily turn against the writer, although, when done well, the results can be great. I think the ending could have been more elaborated as to have had the impact the writer expected.

Some stand-out funny lines and moments, but not enough to hold the whole of it together for me.

Best,
–John