Humour/Satire | Every Day Fiction

Archive for Humour/Satire

WORKING LIKE A DOG • by Frank Roger 7 Comments
William saw it all happen, right in front of him. He was drinking a beer at one of the many seafront terraces, fully enjoying the relaxed holiday atmosphere, not expecting to see it shattered so brutally.
The seafront was crowded with strollers, and children were playing and shouting in their shrill voices and eating ice cream. [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
THE MAN WHO LOVED SQUIRRELS • by Nicholas Ozment 14 Comments
There was a man who loved squirrels so much…
First he collected ceramic squirrels. His bookshelves and dresser tops were soon haunted by plastic, plush, wood, stone, glass, and sea-shell squirrels.
Then he began to collect real squirrels, breeding them and setting them loose in his yard and in his house. Squirrels scampered on his countertops, foraging [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
SOME DAY WE’LL MEET • by Tim Lieder 12 Comments
Some day we’ll meet. We’ll flirt. We’ll tell stupid jokes and listen just attentively enough to forget all those promises about honesty and intimacy. We’ll touch without saying “let me pick that lint off your sweater.” We’ll spend an hour talking, just talking and thinking “don’t say anything stupid.” We’ll make excuses to find ourselves [...]
Humour/Satire, Romance, Stories
A TALE OF PATRICIDE AND IMPATIENCE • by Frank Roger 13 Comments
The haggard-looking man stormed into the police headquarters and addressed one of the cops on duty:
“I’m turning myself in. I committed the worst crime a man can possibly commit. I don’t deserve to be alive anymore.”
“So what did you do, then?”
“I travelled back in time and killed my father before I was born.” The man [...]
Humour/Satire, Science Fiction, Stories
THE WISDOM OF ALCUIN • by Oonah V Joslin 28 Comments
Prof. Bouillon opened the box with utmost care. The jar nestling in purpose-made packaging was unique. That it had been discovered by a caver who was a friend of the leading archaeologist had been the merest coincidence and the greatest luck.
“Phil… It’s here.”
“Careful now… Careful…” soothed the Prof as he passed the jar. The opaque [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
IRONIC ANGST • by Rhonda Parrish 15 Comments
The force of Todd’s words left Madison feeling as though she’d been slapped. Her face was burning, she knew she must be blushing fiercely. She tried to say something, anything, but her mouth was dry and her mortification wedged itself in her throat and refused to let anything but a choked sound past. While she [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
CONVERSATION, 9:04 PM • by Jennifer Tatroe 13 Comments
Your mom lied, okay?
Hey now, no need to get upset about it. I don’t need your tears all over me, salt water’s bad for the fur. Yeah yeah, I know it works for you humans, gives you the sexy beach hair–but that’s not what it does for us. It’s like chewing gum, man. Nothing but [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
DON’T FORGET THE SUN • by John Woodington 34 Comments
Of course I saw the stars last night. There’re over a billion of them. Scientists have counted them for centuries, logging them in some huge list that exists somewhere, a starlist, if that’s even a thing. It must be.
They wouldn’t keep counting them if they didn’t know what they’d already counted. Things would get messed [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
THE OBJECTIV-EYE • by Matthew Strada 22 Comments
The small silver box on the clearance shelf read: Objectiv-Eye: Your Tool for Finding Beauty. Walter thought he had seen an infomercial about it. He picked up the box for closer scrutiny.
Have you ever – as a result of inebriation, medication, or other defect of mental faculty – believed that you have found [...]
Humour/Satire, Science Fiction, Stories
A WEE DRAP OF HOSPITALITY • by Oonah V Joslin 23 Comments
It is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Would you like to know how I came by it? It’s a strange tale.
I was down at the Causeway on the North Antrim coast. Did you know that it’s a steep walk down? Well it is. And when I got there my knees were sore from holding back on the slope. It’s a [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories, Surreal
LAST MINUTE CHANGES • by Mike Whitney 18 Comments
“This is what we’ll do. We’ll bury him so his body will never be found. How? That’s the question.” Bob made another short, narrow lap around the trailer’s living room slash kitchenette while unwrapping his sixth stick of Big Red gum and jamming it into his mouth in mid-chew.
Marvin watched his partner from a kitchen [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
MORE THAN WORDS • by Mel George 5 Comments
“You’re eating lunch without me?” she snapped as she came into the room. There he was, the infamous housemate, sprawled large as life on the sofa as if he’d never left. She took a deep breath.
“You were taking ages,” he replied indistinctly, munching heartily and deliberately on as many crisps as he could fit into [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
TRAVEL BLUES • by Sylvia Spruck Wrigley 18 Comments
The reflection of the setting sun shimmered on the Mediterranean. Her face glowed in the rose-gold light as she dug a toe into the sand.
“I like it here.”
“It’s not practical.”
His back was to the water, his eyes on the buildings bunched up at the shore. The wind blew his overlong hair into his face.
“Come on, [...]
Humour/Satire, Romance, Stories
FEASTING • by Judy Cabito 7 Comments
Standing on a rise in Eldorado Park, the three waited in their ninja attire, hands on their hips, legs apart, and from where Caron sat, festering with rotten motives. Unprepared for this, on a day she had planned a picnic, on a quiet day in the sun with a packed lunch, blankets, a book and [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
A NEW TERM • by Mary Cook 15 Comments
Rosalind stood meekly on the head teacher’s carpet as she had so often done before.
Miss Carver said sternly: “It’s a new term and you’re not in uniform. Your hair is a disgrace and you know make-up is not allowed. Whose class are you in?”
“Actually, I left four years ago. I’m here to teach third year [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
WOULD LIKE TO MEET • by Sarah Hilary 37 Comments
At the outset, the abbreviations confused her. “An MBA! He must have some brains, at least.”
Only it turned out to be short for Married But Available, which gave her a good idea exactly where he kept his brains.
It was hard enough squinting at the small print; searching the little black cursives for a sign that [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
EPIPHANY SALE • by KJ Kabza 13 Comments
The sign taped to the edge of the table read, ‘Epiphany Sale: 50% Off!’
I looked up. Under the hot August sun, a freckled kid sat patiently at his card table (Epiphany stand?) at the edge of his lawn. In the side yard, someone, presumably his mother, was watering petunias. “What is this?” I asked. “Why [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
WE ARE LUXEMBOURG • by Richard Rippon 14 Comments
“When the eclipse happens, I’m going to run around the car park naked,” says Arnott.
I’m still processing this when he performs some kind of dynamic lunge next to the till and emits a deep, rattling fart that sends Lisa scuttling off to the storeroom for cover.
This is my place of work. This little neglected stationary [...]
Humour/Satire, Literary, Stories
WHAT AM I THINKING NOW? • by Mike Whitney 14 Comments
Sammy rolled over in bed, nudging his wife Fran gently in the back. “Honey, would you get that, tell her I’ll be later than I thought. About 10 this morning.”
Fran reached for the phone just as it rang. She pulled back her hand like it was burned.
“I HATE when you do that. I’m never ready [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
DESIRE • by Martin Cooney 6 Comments
This day, I cross the Bragoto River to the market, slave to a desire that has been growing in my heart. What beauty! I brush past women, clothed in fine reds and purples and blues like shrimps, and just when my passion is greatest–I see them! Those seductive tails, red coats, those large black eyes–and [...]
Humour/Satire, Literary, Stories
BY THE BOOK • by Aurelio Rico Lopez III 8 Comments
The sun hangs high in the sky, and rice paddies glisten in the sunlight. Mango trees grow lush and thick, promising cool shade. The only things off about the whole scene are the crashed spacecraft and the screaming farmer.
Wading knee-deep in muddy water, the old farmer shouts in fury, pounding his fists against the vessel’s [...]
Humour/Satire, Science Fiction, Stories
SYNERGY • by Oonah V Joslin 35 Comments
Phil tried out the new swivelly chair for size–took a spin or two just to get the feel of it and put his hands on the desk proprietarily. “Hand me a book, love, will you?”
“Any book?”
“Any book.” Marta handed him a book.
“No, not that–a big book.”
“Well, you should have said size mattered. War and Peace–will [...]
Humour/Satire, Literary, Stories
YESTERDAY. TODAY. TOMORROW. A FABLE • by James Lecky 10 Comments
Once, there were three towns named Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow situated on the banks of a long flowing river named Next Week.
The people of Yesterday hated Tomorrow, the people of Today hated Yesterday and the people of Tomorrow hated Today.
Finally, the mayor of Yesterday–a man by the name of Thomas Thursday–the mayor of Today–George Monday–and [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories, Surreal
SEEING RED • by Guy Belleranti 9 Comments
Sally prided herself on always looking her best. She went to only the best hair salons, wore only the best clothing and drove only the best cars.
However, her new contact lenses were a huge disappointment. “I can’t wear these lenses,” Sally told her optometrist.
“Are they uncomfortable?” the woman asked. “They shouldn’t be, but–”
“No,” Sally cut [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
NEW LEAF, OLD STALK • by Sarah Hilary 26 Comments
You told me you loved me, very matter-of-fact. “Pass the bread? And by the way…”
You said you knew it was unrequited, which it was. You said it didn’t matter, but it did. The first move was always mine.
After the disaster that was Irene, I’d resolved to stop; no more broken hearts. I’m proud of my [...]
Humour/Satire, Literary, Stories
WISHFUL THINKING • by Sylvia Spruck Wrigley 19 Comments
“So that’s how it works.” Jean beamed at him and jiggled her hips slightly. “It’s quite simple, really.”
He didn’t seem to be reacting. She furrowed her brow and then smiled a bit more forcefully. “So, go ahead then.”
He was a nice-enough-looking man, dark hair, strong jaw, vivid brown eyes. She certainly didn’t think she was [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories, Surreal
“SPRING FUNERAL”: AN AFTER-XMAS SPECIAL • by Nicholas Ozment 13 Comments
The funeral is open casket.
Or open aquarium, I should say; they used a fifty-gallon aquarium to hold him.
A lot of it is not him–evaporation and all. With mathematical calculations (based on how tall and round he’d been), they’d estimated how much tap water to add.
There, next to the aquatic coffin, on the satin pillow beneath [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
THE ANGEL ON THE TREE • by Avis Hickman-Gibb 9 Comments
The little Angel sat on a sturdy branch half way up the biggest tree in the little wood–despondent. The persistent rain drizzled down the back of her best white gown. She hated rain–it made her wings moist; and she abhorred moist wings! They were so restricting. You couldn’t get a good soar going with moist [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
THE REMINDER • by Frank Roger 7 Comments
Jeffrey sipped from his tea, put the cup back down and stared in front of him. He had the feeling something had slipped his mind. What could it have been?
Wait a second, he thought. Hadn’t he prepared something for occasions like these? An idea suddenly occurred to him. His pockets! What if he searched his [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
BITING OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW • by Brian Laing 15 Comments
I watched as the cat prowled the lawn under the bird feeder. An instinct honed over thousands of years, the predator stalking its feathered prey. Muscles rippled under sleek fur as the orange tabby crouched in the long grass much as its great cousin the tiger might be doing in the tamarisk shrubs along river [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
THE PERFECT COUPLE • by Christopher Kastensmidt 14 Comments
I watched. She noticed. I grinned. She winked. We spoke. I flirted. We walked. We agreed. We parted.
***
We met. We strolled. We conversed. I relaxed. We sat. We touched. We embraced. We kissed. We loved.
***
Dog barked. We awoke. I stretched. I bathed. I cooked. She arose. I smiled. We hugged. We ate. We left. I [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
STAR-CROSSED LOVE • by Harley Crowley 7 Comments
“Chocolate soy chai latte, please.” Joe couldn’t believe it. This was Joe’s Diner. How could she say that? Decaf was as far as he went, grudgingly.
But she was cute, in an odd way. Black lipstick. Green fingernails. Five-colored hair. She was probably a vegetarian. Joe was a bacon and beef guy. Still, he wanted to [...]
Humour/Satire, Romance, Stories
THE WEDDING CRASHERS • by Madeline Mora-Summonte 11 Comments
“Old lady with a walker coming through,” Cora barks at the crowd in the reception hall. “We’re going to get arrested,” she mutters.
“Hush now.” Lulu smiles, nods as people shuffle out of their way.
“Actually, I’d rather get hauled into jail than face Carl. He’s going to be livid when he finds out we escaped on [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
SOCKS AND BANSHEES • by Jens Rushing 17 Comments
“I wish you wouldn’t leave out your oatmeal bowls,” the young husband said to his young wife. “They attract ants. It’s really disgusting.”
“At least I don’t leave a dozen such oatmeal bowls hidden all over the room, under blankets and dangling over the backs of chairs–as you do with your dirty socks!” she retorted, quite [...]
Fantasy, Humour/Satire, Stories
NINJA • by Jefferson Navicky 7 Comments
I encountered the ninja on the corner of Exchange and Congress. It was snowing, no, actually it was more of a wintry mix of snow and sleet and ice, just as the weather forecasters predicted. Perhaps the foul weather affected the ninja’s disposition. I wanted to give her a hug, which seemed like a reasonable [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories, Surreal
HARRY’S HAIR • by Mike Whitney 12 Comments
Harry’s hair had been in the process of falling out for years. He had tried every over-the-counter remedy and prescription available with no success.
Over the years, his receding hairline had become a widow’s peak, then male pattern baldness. For a time, he went with an awful comb-over. At last, one day he looked in his [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
THE TEST OF TIME • by Frank Roger 7 Comments
“Mr. Stephenson is ready to see you now. Please follow me.” The red-haired secretary shot him a professional smile.
Oliver rose to his feet and followed the girl into Stephenson’s office. This was incredible! On the spur of the moment he had decided to come over here the day before his appointment, and not only had [...]
Humour/Satire, Science Fiction, Stories
TICK TOCK • by John Raybould 9 Comments
‘Tick Tock.’
Simon had been a clock maker for forty-three years, and had worked on thousands of them, but this was his favourite, the old skeleton-style church clock.
‘Tick Tock.’
This was definitely one of the largest, and had been a bit of a challenge. The ten-foot chime gear had jammed, and he’d had a real struggle to [...]
Horror, Humour/Satire, Stories
BRIMSTONE AND LIARS • by Stephanie Scarborough 17 Comments
In hell, bowling is the pastime of choice. It’s like a rite of passage. I’ve been here two days, and once you get used to the sulfur, wailing, and the constant loop of Michael Bolton songs–it’s still bad, but you get used to it. Just don’t look in a mirror. You don’t want to know [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
DREADED CONVERSATION • by Walter Giersbach 10 Comments
Willie Ortloff knew Pamela Sunshine was going to crash through his front door in about a minute and a half and begin asking questions–questions for which he had no satisfactory answers. He dreaded what was coming.
Willie ran a straight shop. His work was immaculate and he had ethics. That ought to mean something.
He had the [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
VANITY • by K. A. Patterson 9 Comments
“Okay, push!”
The woman’s face squinched up, reddening with effort.
Sweat trickled down the back of his neck.
“Maybe if you wiggled a bit,” he suggested.
“Like this?”
“Ah, here let me–” He shoved harder.
“Ow!” she howled, her lardonous body jiggling. “It’s too tight!”
“Obviously,” he said. “Can we now try your real shoe size?”
Kay Patterson lives in the outskirts of [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
DIRTY LAUNDRY • by Andrew LeBlanc 24 Comments
“You are boring my balls off.” Toby was wearing only boxer shorts. “You know how Jesus Christ came to the earth to heal the sick and deliver man from damnation, and the antichrist will come to bring illness to the healthy and lead righteous men astray? You are on, like, the square root of negative one, exact [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
BETWEEN THE ‘SHEETS’ • by Christopher Kastensmidt 18 Comments
First of all, I should never have married a nympho. But how was I to know in those carefree days of my early twenties that there would ever come a time in which I would think about anything besides sex?
I met Sally during my last year of college, at one of her sorority’s parties. A [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
THE TRANSFORMATION • by Anthony J. Rapino 25 Comments
I fall to my living room floor as muscle rips and expands, splitting skin. It feels like my limbs are being pulled apart, tied to two cars going opposite directions. I try to scream but it sounds like howling.
The door opens and my wife walks in. She glances at me, still crouched on the floor. [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
SPAM FICTION • by Lyndon Perry 33 Comments
“What was the setting?” I ask Alan, my co-author and programmer.
“Fifty words, Smittee.”
“Read it again,” I say.
“‘Nevertheless comb accident the incident I wonder,’ Jake replied. ‘A very burst respected ex-captain mad told me the story, and helpless a fine thing cough all is!’ He continued. ‘Could broken anything be more abominable osseous than the way [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories
IF YOU CAN’T BEAT BIG BROTHER, ANNOY HIM • by Resha Caner 12 Comments
“Sir, I’m having trouble with one line on your application.”
“Which line?” the man asked, leaning over to look at the form.
“Here.” The salesman pointed. “Where it says, ‘Name’. You entered ‘No’.”
“That is correct,” the man answered, with a nod of his head.
“So, you are Mr. No? Or is that your first name?”
“I don’t have a [...]
Humour/Satire, Stories

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