Your mom lied, okay?
Hey now, no need to get upset about it. I don’t need your tears all over me, salt water’s bad for the fur. Yeah yeah, I know it works for you humans, gives you the sexy beach hair–but that’s not what it does for us. It’s like chewing gum, man. Nothing but peanut butter gets it out.
Really, stop crying. I’m not gone, am I? Look! Here I am, fur and horns intact. Did you really think a little lavender spray was gonna keep me away? Damn kid, it was all I could do to keep from laughing aloud when she started spritzing that shit all over the room with her oogity-boogity-monsters-go-away stuff. I was right there the whole time, you know, blended in with the wallpaper. She even turned around and sprayed me with it once. That’s why I’m so flowery fresh tonight. Here… smell. You should have her do that every night. Good show and it’s better than a bath, that’s for sure.
Are you still sniffling? You’re not allergic to lavender, are you?
Ahh, I get it. You thought I was gone forever. As if! I mean, I ain’t gonna lie to you. You’re gonna hit an age… oh, about the time you learn how to drive… and you’re gonna start turning into your mom. After that, you won’t be able to see me anymore, but it’ll be all right. By that time, the bogeyman won’t have any more use for you and you won’t need me here doing my old scarin’ thing.
What? Your mom told you, you couldn’t get your license until you were forty-two? Well, that’s a lie too, but I kinda like that one. Yeah, I’ll stick around until you’re that old if I have to. Hell, I’d like that, kiddo.
Look, you’d better get to sleep. I’ll be right over there in the closet under your snowpants. It’s comfy-cozy in there. Don’t worry about that bogeyman. I always sleep with one eye open. It’s easier when you have three.
Hey kiddo? I smell fine! Seriously, get your mom to do that lavender thing again tomorrow, okay?
Okay?
Kiddo, wake up!
WAKE UP.
Oh good, so back to that lavender thing…
Jennifer Tatroe is a Seattle-area writer, recently transplanted from northern Colorado. Her fiction has appeared in a short list of literary journals and been rejected by a much longer list. In case you were wondering, she loves Elvis and hates olives.
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13 Responses to “CONVERSATION, 9:04 PM • by Jennifer Tatroe”
Comments
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April 7th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Thats really clever….great job Jennifer.
April 7th, 2008 at 3:15 am
Wonderful stuff. Light & frothy and says a lot about kids, mothers…and monsters!
April 7th, 2008 at 4:02 am
Fun, but a bit too Monsters Inc.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:48 am
A hilarious start to the week.
As a fellow Elvis fan, (bought first single, Good Rockin’ Tonight in 1955, and everything after through Blue Hawaii), I could be prejudiced, but imho this sweet, feel-good piece could be the start of something longer.
Thanks for the buzz, and I haven’t even had my first cuppa’ yet.
April 7th, 2008 at 6:46 am
I really enjoyed this one! Very cute, and a newish twist, at least from similiar things I’ve previously read.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Good stuff. Tricky. I enjoyed the ‘Hell, I’d like that kiddo’ line. Like a quick burst of sympathy. Good work.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Funny. I love that the mom says the kid won’t be driving ’til she’s 42. And “you’ll start turning into your mom.” Lots of good stuff packed in there.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:35 am
I’m afraid I wasn’t around in 1955 to be buying Elvis albums, but my dad was (and still is) a big fan and I grew up listening to him. He’s in my blood. Like chocolate pudding is my comfort food, Elvis is my comfort music.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Well dang, GMoney. I was hoping no one would notice!
I do imagine this monster a bit less clean-cut than the Disney monsters, though. He probably has beer on his breath when he shows up for work at nine.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Loved this:
I don’t need your tears all over me, salt water’s bad for the fur. Yeah yeah, I know it works for you humans, gives you the sexy beach hair–but that’s not what it does for us. It’s like chewing gum, man. Nothing but peanut butter gets it out.
It drew me right in. I took the narrator as a monster who was on HER side, keeping an eye out for the bad ones.
Nice voice, good humor. I like.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
good and funny
April 12th, 2008 at 5:28 am
I enjoyed it. It makes a change reding about a funny monster.
April 14th, 2008 at 6:16 am
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