Comments on: DEATH IN THE AFTERNOON • by Walter Giersbach http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/ The once a day flash fiction magazine. Sat, 20 Mar 2010 21:32:13 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Cathryn Grant http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/comment-page-1/#comment-16086 Cathryn Grant Mon, 06 Jul 2009 19:14:55 +0000 http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/#comment-16086 Good story, nice twist. Great images, especially, of course, the lemonade. Good story, nice twist. Great images, especially, of course, the lemonade.

]]> By: jennifer walmsley http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/comment-page-1/#comment-16044 jennifer walmsley Sun, 05 Jul 2009 06:07:42 +0000 http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/#comment-16044 Great story. Loved the build up and the surprise ending. Had me feeling sorry for Jonas. Great story. Loved the build up and the surprise ending. Had me feeling sorry for Jonas.

]]> By: Sharon http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/comment-page-1/#comment-16043 Sharon Sun, 05 Jul 2009 01:50:38 +0000 http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/#comment-16043 Oooooh--this was really good! Nice twist. I wonder if there's a *Mr.* DelVecchio and does he maybe have "family" connections? Jonas indeed got more than he bargained for--in fact, I'd say the whale really swallowed him this time. Oooooh–this was really good! Nice twist. I wonder if there’s a *Mr.* DelVecchio and does he maybe have “family” connections? Jonas indeed got more than he bargained for–in fact, I’d say the whale really swallowed him this time.

]]> By: Paul A. Freeman http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/comment-page-1/#comment-16041 Paul A. Freeman Sat, 04 Jul 2009 20:32:48 +0000 http://www.everydayfiction.com/death-in-the-afternoon-by-walter-giersbach/#comment-16041 Got me hook, line and sinker - a five from here. Not too sure about 'nodded strongly.' Surely 'vigorously' would be better. Also, I'd change the final line to something like, "The ice had melted away, just like his future." The ice is an integral part in the development of the story, so have ice mentioned! Got me hook, line and sinker – a five from here.

Not too sure about ‘nodded strongly.’ Surely ‘vigorously’ would be better.

Also, I’d change the final line to something like, “The ice had melted away, just like his future.”

The ice is an integral part in the development of the story, so have ice mentioned!

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