“Cool Whip is made from rancid oil,” Andrea says as I heap a sloppy spoonful on top of five scoops of chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream.
I’m not sure I believe her, but I lop the whole mess off into the kitchen sink before I dig in for my first bite. Andrea heads towards the freezer reading the carton.
“You’ve got at least four servings there, Hun,” she says like the serving size police.
“So?” I mumble, my cheeks already full.
“That’s two days’ worth of saturated fat.”
I let the spoon clank against the bowl.
“I’m just saying.” She pushes the carton to the back of the freezer and pulls out a quart of frozen yogurt — vanilla. She digs out a helping the size of an egg — a tiny, anorexic chicken egg. I squeeze a healthy drizzle of chocolate syrup over my sundae and head to the recliner to take control of the remote.
“Honey, the president’s speaking in twelve minutes.”
My shoulders drop. I push out a hot breath.
When we decided on this trial living together thing, she insisted on leaving her television at her apartment, along with her hideous floral print sofa. (Okay, I insisted on leaving the sofa.) “Televisions divide people,” she said. “What’s the point of sitting in separate rooms watching different programs? A one-television home fosters closeness and compromise.”
I’m tired of compromising. I devour 125 mg of cholesterol and leave my bowl to create a ring on her glass coffee table that won out over my well-worn mahogany during the move. I grab my keys.
“Where are you — ” The door slams behind me. In the garage I notice that I’ve grabbed the wrong keys. Screw it. I adjust the seat in her Passat. The radio comes on playing some pop music crap that I can’t flip fast enough. The drone of “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” repeats in my mind all the way to the market. The clerk cards me for the cigarettes and I chuckle, almost wishing I was under eighteen. Andrea and I were eighteen when we met at Community College, statistics class, first semester. She was getting the rough stuff out of the way. I’d pushed registration too far and got locked out of everything else. Even then she was overachieving, walking the line. Should have been my first clue.
I stand outside the market and enjoy a few long drags on my cigarette. God forbid I smoke in her car. A pack of teenagers walk through the parking lot all keyed up about heading to the amusement park. Brings back the summer Andrea and I stood in the roller coaster line for hours before she admitted that she couldn’t actually ride it. “I’ve got six screws, two titanium cages and a plate in my neck,” she said. Yeah that pretty much sums her up; she’s a real piece of work.
My cell phone hums in my pocket. “Honey, pick up a gallon of milk, will you? Skim.”
Skim — story of my life with Andrea. She’s skimmed the life, the fun, the flavor out of everything. It’s times like this I can’t remember why we’re together.
In her car I give her set of keys a second look before turning over the ignition. Presidential address my ass. I follow the road past my place and through town, pulling into the parking space I frequented before Andrea and I embarked on our cohabitation experiment. It was the perfect apartment for her and she hadn’t wanted to let it go without knowing if we could handle living together. The practicality of it had been lost on me then. A guy wants to think his proposal will be met without hesitation or doubt. But I’d learned to make concessions during our four years together.
Tonight’s no different. I ignore the hum in my pocket and the half-gallon of milk going warm in the car as I sink back into the hideous floral sofa. Feet up on the well-worn mahogany, I start channel surfing on the one TV at her place. Humming along to the annoying pop music tune in my head, I think maybe I’m learning to appreciate Andrea’s practical side.
Ruth Schiffmann‘s stories and articles for children, teens, and adults have appeared in more than seventy publications both in print and online. After homeschooling her two daughters K-12, she is now enjoying living a writing life, following her heart and discovering where it will lead her. To read more of her work, visit www.RuthSchiffmann.com.
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29 Responses to “DO-SI-DO • by Ruth Schiffmann”
Comments
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January 17th, 2010 at 1:31 am
A nice piece of storytelling.
My main gripe is that I pictured two women in my mind until just after a third of the way through the piece.
Then I had a picture of a couple in their thirties, which flew out the window when the narrator got ‘carded’.
Anyhow, it was an entertaining read.
January 17th, 2010 at 3:41 am
All the way through, my mind was screaming, “Don’t marry her, dude!”
I love it when a character grabs my sympathy like that.
A great piece of fiction for four-thirty-am-insomnia. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
January 17th, 2010 at 5:46 am
Good story, good storytelling. I, too, thought at first that it was two women, you may want to work on that.
January 17th, 2010 at 6:18 am
Poor guy. Hope he listens to his gut on this one; nothing worse then always being less than perfect. And no problem on the gender thing from me — guy through and through…
January 17th, 2010 at 7:14 am
Oh, never go back, I found myself saying to the guy as the story ended. Well done. Love the way you used the harping/helpful suggestions
to show the characters.
January 17th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Get out now, dude!
Enjoyed this piece. So realistic that it forces an emotional reaction. I didn’t have any trouble with the gender, either. I think some people read the author’s name and automatically start reading the story from that point of view.
January 17th, 2010 at 7:38 am
Wasn’t this an episode of South Park?
I got this Neal Diamond song stuck in my head now and I blame the writer.
This would be a whole lot better if her MC wasn’t such a whiney, accept-my-life-for-what-it-is wimp. Therein lies my problen with this story. I can find zero sympathy for the MC. He’ll probably be eating tofu burgers and watching Sex in the City by the end of the day.
If he doesn’t dump her by morning, I’m afraid he’ll be required to resign from his gender.
A low three at best. If he had not put chocolate on his ice cream it would’ve been a two.
January 17th, 2010 at 9:11 am
I think this is a well-crafted story—enjoyed it all the way through. A detail earlier in the story disclosing that the protagonist is a guy might be helpful, but, then, I don’t mind being surprised. I, too, thought the story was about two females until the second to last paragraph.
January 17th, 2010 at 9:54 am
At first I thought the protagonist threw the whole mess, whipped cream and ice cream, in the sink. I guess it was just the whipped cream. Then there is difficulty in following who is talking. And when an author does not give a name to the view point character the reader is going to assume the gender of the view point character is the same as the author. The story should be re-written so that it has more clarity. I had to give this one one star.
January 17th, 2010 at 10:03 am
I had the same gender problem as many others, I couldn’t tell until the next to the last paragraph had “A guy wants to think …”. Some of the pop music references didn’t help either, I know NOTHING about any pop music written since 1959.
And the ending didn’t really seem to wrap things up as far as I was concerned.
January 17th, 2010 at 10:39 am
A well-written, engaging story that I enjoyed. I also had the gender issue, but it’s an easy fix. I don’t think it was the author’s name, I think there was something about the MC dumping the cool whip that made me think – female.
I loved the ending, nicely foreshadowed, a touch of humor and satisfying. Four servings of ice cream.
January 17th, 2010 at 10:51 am
It was pretty clear to me that this was a couple in their 20′s and the man is having second thoughts about being with the very anal and controlling Andrea. Thankfully he has his safety net…the other apartment to escape to. (And the fact that she has kept the apartment for four years means that she also has her doubts about the relationship.)I believe in this story he is coming to grips with the fact that he and Andrea are just too different and wonders why he is in the relationship. She has “skimmed” all the enjoyable things out of his life and out of their relationship. I liked the story and could follow it easily. Most people in relationships can identify to some extent.
January 17th, 2010 at 11:39 am
I loved the story, both characters coming across as very real, his enjoyment of a sundae and her dedication to healthy food. It’s a snapshot of many couples who work at coming to grips with their differences. He’s not sure and she’s pretty opinionated,trying to reform him. I do believe by the end of the story that maybe they won’t make it together, although he admires her practicality. perhaps it allows him a way out or a way to resolve things?
January 17th, 2010 at 11:40 am
I’d give it at least three and a half stars, maybe four.
January 17th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
I liked it too. No problem figuring if it’s a couple. I, too, thought the whole sundae was dumped in the sink, a bit unclear there. Just wondering how the title fits into the story? Did I miss something?
January 17th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
A do-si-do: two dancers circle around each other without turning their bodies, so at first they face each other, and then they don’t. The title made perfect sense to me. I had no problem understanding that it was a man and a woman. I enjoyed the read. Four stars.
January 17th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
My problem with this story is that it is written from a man’s POV, but clearly by a woman. The author needs to work on using the voice of the opposite sex. The man’s reactions were not male and this story would have been better if the genders were flipped or they were both women. Well written though.
January 17th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
“DO-SI-DO”
by Ruth Schiffmann
Two questions here: Is it captivating, and does it hold your attention?
As a reader first and foremost, yes is the answer.
January 17th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
I think it’s funny that people are criticizing the main character. Obviously, Ruth has created a MC that evokes a response, and I say kudos to her! It doesn’t matter if people like the MC or not, the writing is great. The story is true to life. Well done!
January 17th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I’m a big EDF fan. I love coming here and enjoying my fiction fix over breakfast each morning. So glad this story found a home here. Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and leave a comment. Glad that a number of you enjoyed it.
All best,
Ruth
January 17th, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Wow , nice piece
I though it was two gals living together.
First I thought Mom and Daughter
Had me wondering. Great story.
5 *****
January 18th, 2010 at 7:57 am
Good story to start the morning off with. I was doubly pleased to see this didn’t take the easy path and have the character “rediscover” the reasons he fell in love in the first place, sending the story into Sentimentalityville.
–John
January 18th, 2010 at 11:44 am
A four years experiment that has yet to prove successful?
Reckon the next stage could end in murder. Of whom by whom? The guy’s loathing of the restrictive relationship is frightening, very well drawn.
January 18th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
I got bored.
January 18th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
I thought that Andrea was so well drawn that it was kind of disappointing that the MC was a little less clear. I agree with the comments about the gender and, to an extent, about the age. However, I enjoyed the ending a lot. Nice job!
January 19th, 2010 at 3:34 am
Good example of text that doesn’t read well on-line.
It’s ten times better the second time through when you know the characters–that says to me that this is a good style for a novel, not so good for short story where we poor readers need to grasps a lot with a little information.
I really liked the writing, but wanted to slap the protagonist.
January 19th, 2010 at 3:39 am
Of course, just checking Ruth’s homepage I realise this is a very convincing piece of cross-gender writing.
Ruth, you have a remarkable understanding of the male psyche. Welcome to our world.
January 19th, 2010 at 10:59 am
Great characters!
January 19th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Loved it, loved it. I wanted to continue reading. Great start, got me going right from the beginning.