Three pebbles, cool and glistening from the river, fell wet into his palm.
“Three wishes”, the crone said. “Choose carefully”.
He felt certain the wrinkled old woman was an Ifrit, a powerful genie. When she slipped out from the shadow of the bridge into the sunlight she shimmered like the heat on desert sand.
Omar cast a lustful gaze towards the palace and the minarets of the Caliph’s harem.
“I wish to enter the palace unseen, steal treasure and look upon the women in the forbidden gardens.”
He swallowed the green pebble. Flames without smoke or heat engulfed him. His bones shrank and his genitals were sucked into the flesh of his body.
“As a young girl you will be invisible in this world for men. You will be recognised as a palace servant and ignored to come and go as you please.”
He was angry. He did not want to be a girl. He made a second wish.
“I want to feast my eyes on the women in the harem, touch them, stroke them.”
He swallowed the quartz pebble.
This time the flames blushed red, stretched and rounded his body. His hips broadened and his breasts swelled and filled.
“You are now a body-servant, can come and go as you please. You will undress the concubines, soap their bodies and oil their hair, dry and powder their skin before they go to the Caliph’s bed.”
“Witch! You have tricked me again. I want the concubines to care about me and listen to me.”
He swallowed the black agate pebble. Weak flames trickled in yellow threads across his skin, thinning and wrinkling his flesh, bending his bones, dulling his sight and hearing.
The genie hovered beside him and laid a gentle hand on his mottled arm.
“No one will bother you now. You are old and of no concern. The concubines will pity you and confide their secrets to you, thinking you are old, wise and kind.
“But come. Give up this foolish plan which is of no concern to us. It is a long walk to the palace and the sun is fierce to old skin. Sit with me cool beneath my bridge, for you are bone weary.”
She drew him into the murmuring shade.
“We will talk together and watch the boatmen upon the water, the fishermen mending their nets, the children playing in the reeds and young lovers kissing and making love.
“For eternity.”
Bill West lives in Shropshire, England. He is a member of the Shrewsbury Scribblers Writers’ Group, I*D Writers’ Group and a number of on-line Writers’ Communities. His work has appeared in Boston Literary Magazine, FlashQuake, Mytholog, Heavy Glow, Right Hand Pointing, 21 Stars Review, Foliate Oak and other places.
A new and interesting story is posted every day.
Subscribe to the RSS Feed! (what is rss)
Don’t miss another story! Subscribe to Every Day Fiction via RSS.
53 Responses to “ETERNITY • by Bill West”
Comments
« THE NEXT MOVE • by Nick Logan | Home | SLEEP PARALYSIS • by Scott M. Sandridge »
July 24th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Absolutely super.
July 24th, 2008 at 3:38 am
A well told tale
July 24th, 2008 at 3:40 am
Very good!
July 24th, 2008 at 3:44 am
I found this a distracting, rambling affair.
1) Lack of dialogue quotation marks distracted.
2) ‘Genitals sucked into the body’ stretched my suspension of belief too much. That’s just laughable.
3) The story lacked cohesion; quite a feat considering it’s a flash piece.
I would have to say one of the worst I’ve read.
Mark
July 24th, 2008 at 4:43 am
Hi Rachel, thank you!
Glad you liked it.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:44 am
Hi M!
Thanks for reading and your kind words.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:45 am
Thanks Gerard, much appreciated.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Hi Mark
Thanks for reading.
With regard to quotation marks, I swear they were in the submitted version but perhaps they were mistakenly stripped out.
As to your other comments - I always welcome honest feedback.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:52 am
Bill,
Ah, okay. Well, that does make a difference then.
And you know what, I re-read this… three times. Then I read it again. I have changed my mind, it’s kind of stuck in my head. It’s actually all right. Although, I hate that ‘genital’ line. That still makes me cringe.
Thanks for answering me.
Mark
July 24th, 2008 at 4:55 am
Bill
Wonderful writing. Great images - and that old moral - be careful what you wish for!
Cheers
John
July 24th, 2008 at 4:58 am
Great flash, Bill. I do think it needs the quotation marks, though - just for the sake of immediate clarity on the page.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:58 am
Thanks for the re-read, Mark
No problem.
I think I would prefer to lose my genitals by magic rather than by any other means. (he says, crossing his legs and whistling awhile)
July 24th, 2008 at 5:00 am
Hi John
Thanks for reading and commenting. Appreciated.
July 24th, 2008 at 5:02 am
Fabulous story, and chilling too!
July 24th, 2008 at 5:42 am
True to old fairytale form, but fantastically modern in viewpoint- just the kind of thing I love to read. Well done.
July 24th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Bill,
I’m not a fable or fantasy person but like your writing. Struggled with the lack of quotations marks a little but not enough to dissipate my enjoyment. It was “fabulous.”
July 24th, 2008 at 7:06 am
Another wonderful and visual story from you, Bill.
Jennifer
July 24th, 2008 at 7:16 am
The quotation marks aren’t there in the submitted version, Bill. I actually thought you were going for a more literary feel, so it didn’t feel odd at all that they were missing.
Please double check your version. If they are there in your copy of the story and somehow went missing in submission, please let us know what operating system and word processing software that you’re using.
If you’d like me to put them in, I’m not opposed to a little on-the-fly editing.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Bill,
I didn’t miss the quotation marks at all. Wonderful twist on the old tale–never trust a genie bearing three wishes! Especially if she’s lonely…
–dj
July 24th, 2008 at 8:59 am
I love a happy ending.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:02 am
I think this story is magical. I love the contemporary feel - love the dialogue - love the style.
I didn’t miss the quotation marks at all
July 24th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Nice one, Bill. A dram of the ol’ “careful what you wish for” bit, done dreamily and excellently.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Wow… poor guy! You can’t get something for nothing.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Hi Rumjhum
Thank you for reading and commenting and for your kind words.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Thank you Virginia. Your comments are appreciated.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Thank you for persisting with this piece even though you are not a fan of fable or fantasy and I’m very pleased that you enjoyed it. Your kind comments are appreciated.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Hi Jennifer. Thank you. Appreciated.
July 24th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Hi Jordan
That’s a puzzler. I can’t find a version anywhere without quotation marks in it. I use XP and OpenOffice.
If you could put the quotation marks in that would be great although if it is too late I perfectly understand.
It is true that I often leave quotation marks out in very short piece or pieces with specific formatting but I don’t remember changing this one (unless it was late at night and then, who knows!)
July 24th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Thanks Darrell. I’m glad the punctuation wasn’t a problem.
July 24th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Cool story.
But I am left wondering why the guy didn’t just say, “I wish for the Caliph to die and for me to be his successor.” Then he could’ve gotten what he wanted.
July 24th, 2008 at 11:36 am
Thanks Rena :¬)
July 24th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Bill. Done. I’m not saying it wasn’t us, but this has never happened before. We’ll keep an eye out for it in the future and see if it’s a pattern.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
The version sent out as e-mail did NOT have the quote marks (viewed with Thunderbird 2.0.0.14) but when I went to the website and viewed it with Firefox 3.0.1 the quote marks were there. All this on Linux Fedora 7.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Hi Jim,
At Bill’s request, I added the quotation marks later.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Nice one Bill - brough the tears to my eyes… and I’m a girl!!
July 24th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
i didnt know Avis was a girl…how bout that
July 24th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Thanks Sarah
Much appreciated.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Thanks Kevin. Dreamy and excellent I like!
July 24th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Thanks Erin. You certainly cannot!
July 24th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Thanks Scott. That might have worked, except that the Caliph had 12 evil son’s, each one trained in the arts of the assassin. He wouldn’t have lasted long.
Thanks for reading.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Thanks Jordan, I appreciate all your efforts.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Thanks for checking this out, Jim.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Thanks Avis. It made my eyes water a little ;¬)
July 25th, 2008 at 3:57 am
Love this one, Bill. Five stars from me!
July 25th, 2008 at 8:55 am
Love this. Good to see your writing again. Favorite line. ‘his genitals were sucked into the flesh of his body.
July 26th, 2008 at 2:38 am
A magical piece of writing.
Cheers
Mark
July 26th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Thanks Sarah. Much appreciated.
July 26th, 2008 at 5:03 am
Hi Marie. Thanks for reading and for the kind comment.
July 26th, 2008 at 5:04 am
Thanks Mark.
Glad you liked it.
July 27th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I enjoy fables, and I like variations on old themes, so I liked this story, Bill.
And the bit about the genitals made me cringe–if that was the desired effect, good job!
July 28th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Hi Nik
Yes, cringe is a good result.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:26 am
I always love your writing Bill and this too. Strange about that punctuation… Of course I don’t know how it read before but it’s great now.
Oons
August 4th, 2008 at 4:33 am
Thanks Oonah. Jordan kindly put the quotation marks back in again.
Thanks for reading and commenting.