Of all her forms, Serena enjoyed this one the most. Stretched out on top of the couch, sun warming her auburn fur, she purred softly. I will miss this house, she thought with an uncharacteristic feeling of regret. The regret was quickly replaced, however, with eager anticipation.
For tonight was feeding night.
Enjoying the afternoon sun, Serena’s thoughts took her back to previous feedings. Although midway through her fourth century, she remembered every feeding – but most of all her first.
As with all first feedings, it had ended far too quickly and with a great deal of mess. Serena had been well prepared by the elder, but to actually experience the raw power… her tiny heart started to pound with the memory. As she gained experience, subsequent feedings lasted much longer and were more satisfying. But none ever matched the intensity of the first. With a contented feline yawn, Serena curled up for a nap but was suddenly interrupted by a whimper from the floor of the living room. Irritated, Serena raised her head and glared at the golden Labrador Retriever sprawled out in the center of the carpet.
Dreaming of chasing rabbits again, Charlie? Serena thought contemptuously as she regarded the sleeping dog. Charlie whimpered again, this time accompanied by a twitch of his hind leg. Serena waited impatiently for the dog to settle down, then slowly drifted off to sleep.
***
One by one the humans returned from their daily activities. Serena had followed them out several times to see where they went, but had quickly become bored. Both adults and the younger one all disappeared into large buildings along with other humans, then emerged hours later to return home. Serena however did not care in the least how the humans spent their time — she only cared that they come back. To her.
Meowing softly, Serena greeted the humans as they entered the house. She hated their nicknames for her (very disrespectful) but she did appreciate being scratched behind her ears — the fur had become very itchy, especially now in the heat of the summer. Not for much longer, Serena thought, with growing anticipation. She normally took to the air after a feeding — it seemed appropriate. Perhaps an owl this time…
As the humans retired to their sleeping areas, Serena restlessly paced. When the time was this close she could not keep still.
When the last bedroom light had been turned off, Serena padded quietly to the largest bedroom. Over the years, she had learned to start with the older ones. During one feeding she had carelessly started with a child who had screamed out and awakened the father. The father of course had not been able to stop her, but Serena had been forced to rush the feeding — and of all things, Serena hated to rush.
At the entrance to the master bedroom, Serena paused, closed her eyes, and shifted. The feline form dissolved into a dark mass vaguely human-like, but without discernible features. Gracefully it flowed over to the bed to engulf the human forms.
Intent on her prey, Serena did not even notice the sleeping form of Charlie at the foot of the bed. But Charlie noticed Serena.
As Serena hovered inches away from the sleeping humans, the Labrador Retriever’s body suddenly dissolved and was replaced a shimmering, crimson-colored mist. Too late, Serena sensed the power forming behind her and frantically formed a defensive shield. With mounting panic, she felt her shield casually dismissed.
Held motionless above the bed by a force she had never experienced, Serena could do nothing but watch helplessly as the mist slowly coalesced into a familiar form.
“Elders need to feed too, Serena,” the form chuckled. Spreading its arms in an obscene, welcoming gesture it reached eagerly towards Serena.
At the first cold touch of the elder’s embrace, Serena’s form contorted in soundless agony as she felt her essence torn apart and consumed. Then she felt no more.
Patrick Perkins is currently employed in the telecommunications industry. During long, scenic drives to remote locations in British Columbia, random thoughts sometimes join together and meet later on the page.
This story was sponsored by
Camilla d’Errico: A character designer and artist who dances on the tightrope between pop surrealist art and manga inspired graphics. Explore her paintings, characters and comics: Tanpopo, BURN and Helmetgirls.
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14 Responses to “FEEDING TIME • by Patrick Perkins”
Comments
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October 29th, 2009 at 3:17 am
We’ve had plenty of dietary material just lately, from blood to brains. But the feedings are up with the creepiest. 4 from me.
October 29th, 2009 at 5:50 am
No really compelling characters in this one, and the Idea seemed a little thin. I wanted to like it, but just couldn’t develop a great deal of interest; sorry.
October 29th, 2009 at 6:12 am
Wonderful! It was obvious from the beginning that something was going to happen, but the story took its time telling us WHAT! And then the twist at the end! Definitely a five star story!
October 29th, 2009 at 6:16 am
Interesting blending of superstition and, forgive the pun, animal dogma, to help create this story. The one aspect I got hung up on, and which detracted somewhat from the story, was the implied benevolent relationship with the “elder” and then the elder at the end turns cannibalistic.
These are unfamiliar supernatural creatures and as a reader I’m naturally curious about them. But when you have too many lingering questions (Why are the elders helpful and harmful? Why don’t the elders eat humans, too? Why can’t these creatures sense each other’s presence?) it detracts from the overall story. Just an opinion, of course.
–John
October 29th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Your writing skills are good, but you need to focus upon elements of enticement and empathy. The reader has to care about *something* in the story otherwise it’s just a description of odd supper habits. It’s another step in the literary ladder.
- As it’s written the POV is of a cold monster, the elder isn’t even really introduced, and the family is nameless and faceless. You could do the same story, but let the reader know something about the family, something that would make them like the victims and cheer when the transmognifying monster is killed.
You’ve got the style, action,and clarity covered, time to work on characters people will care about. It’s the difference between seeing in the newspaper that a ‘plane crashed down into a house’ and reading that a ‘plane crashed into your Boss’s house’. Like your Boss or hate him, it evokes a much more emotional response. That’s what you want in your readers.
Best of luck – -
October 29th, 2009 at 7:17 am
These are new creatures for me, so I want to know more about ‘what’ they are. Not enough info, as is, but it definitely has potential.
3 stars.
October 29th, 2009 at 8:00 am
I did like reading this and there is a good idea here, but I’m afraid I agree that for ‘new’ characters/creatures we are not told enough about them to really apreciate them or anything that happens to them.
Also, and this is porbably just me, but I get distracted by the reptitive use of the word ‘form’.
October 29th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Very scary.
October 29th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I wanted to like this too, and I thought it started out *great* but it kind of went nowhere. I wanted to know what the creatures were, why they were there and why the Elders had to eat the other creatures.
October 29th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I enjoyed this one. No problems with the characterization, and I got right into it. And then when the elder had to feed, well of course. And I thought the dog was going to be protective, but you fooled me and it was just another level of carnivorous. Nicely done.
October 30th, 2009 at 7:41 am
This fell kind of flat for me. Started out creepy, then just went nowhere.
October 30th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I liked it, though I do agree with some of the others that the idea is better than the execution (so to speak). I think you give a little too much away early on, which means that the dog-transformation feels a bit tacked on; however, this sort of thing, with a complicated mythology and history, is hard to do in so few words and I think you deserve kudos for making it as involving as it is. Damn, that sound like really faint praise… and the cat is looking at me strangely…
October 31st, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I liked the way the story unfolded. Saying up front it was feeding time, we thought the humans would die, consumed by this creature. The twist is what made it all. If she simply fed, I’d say it was so-so. But you made it great.
This is just a short, guys. Ease up. It’s not meant to explain everything. I think there was just enough without overcomplicating the story or weighing it down with too much myth.
October 31st, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Allie, please do your fellow reviewers the favor of assuming that they are just as smart as you are. You needn’t agree with everyone else, and you should let go of the notion you seem to have that we all need to agree with you.
I found the characters uncompelling; Jen found the lack of depth unsatisfying; Rick liked its scariness; and you liked the progressive reveleation. All valid points of view, and I suggest that nobody who has done the author the favor of commenting needs to, or should, “ease up”.