She is a vision of hipness. Short, cropped hair, darkened by shoe-polish. Horn rimmed glasses. Facial features so thin that they must be drawn by a newly sharpened number two pencil. Black skirt. Black leggings. Leather shoes so shiny I see myself in them–drooling.
I am at Forbidden Planet Book Shop in New York City, looking for a decent paperback, and she is always in the same aisle I am. I go into one aisle; there she is. I go into another aisle. There. She. Is.
I know. I can tell. I have this sense. It’s my “girl-is-looking-my-way-dar”. Or it’s my “I-wish-she’d-give-me-the-time-of-day-dar”.
But really, it’s my “I’m-just-a-shy-seventeen-year-old-geek-boy-and-maybe-she’ll-come-over-and-jump-me-like-a-pommel-horse-right-here-in-the-hardcover-horror-section-and-maybe-I-do-have-a-shot-because-we-both-are-in-a-science-fiction-book-shop-so-maybe-she-will-come-over-and-say-hey-dar”. And it’s pinging off the hook.
I go into the Lovecraft section. She goes into the Lovecraft section. A girl. In the Lovecraft section. There is no doubt; this must be love.
On her face, though, is disdain. She’s looking at me like I’m a gnat, a bug, a tourist from New Jersey. She is completely disgusted with me and I am enchanted. I see our life together where we can create Forbidden Planets of our own with sequels galore.
But then I see her go up to this other guy leaving the store. Bet your ass I’m jealous. Then I see her ask for his receipt. Check his bag. Look at the receipt.
She’s security. She’s the store detective. The only reason that she was following me is that she pegged me for a potential shoplifter.
And I am flattered that she thought I had it in me. She makes me want to steal things. I want to shove Forbidden Planet merchandise down my pants and say, “Why no, that isn’t a leather embossed edition of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy down my trousers. I’m just in a good mood.”
Let’s play police and thief. No. Better. Let’s play Klingon and Federation and set phasers on “whooooooo doggie”.
Hey over here! I’m a hardened criminal. Okay, only half of that is true. Actually, I’m just a geek boy in love. Frisk me.
Of course then two young guys walk by and they’re wearing baggy pants. She leaves me. Spurned for a more likely collar. I feel used. Cheap. I was just a one night surveillance.
Dejected, I just take a book from the rack and go to pay for it. The guy behind the counter looks at the title. He says, “Oh, David Brin. So you like hard sci-fi?
I nod. Hard sci-fi is better than fantasy. I don’t have to read a word of what’s in the fantasy section. Baby, I am the fantasy section.
Dave Macpherson is a writer from Worcester, Ma. He lives with his wife Heather. They both write.
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22 Responses to “FORBIDDEN PLANET • by Dave Macpherson”
Comments
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July 14th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Dave:
What can I say? You crack me up. Five.
K.C.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Bloody brilliant mate….masterpiece
July 14th, 2008 at 3:30 am
Brilliant, funny, neatly told. I loved it.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:53 am
Unfortunately, “I’m-just-a-shy-seventeen-year-old-geek-boy-and-maybe-she’ll-come-over-and-jump-me-like-a-pommel-horse-right-here-in-the-hardcover-horror-section-and-maybe-I-do-have-a-shot-because-we-both-are-in-a-science-fiction-book-shop-so-maybe-she-will-come-over-and-say-hey-dar” overruns the space available for my browser to show it.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:56 am
Very very cute and funny. I was actually caught up in the fantasy — then let down by the reality. (But I still laughed.)
July 14th, 2008 at 4:04 am
Sorry P.M. Never thought this silly thing would have browser reprocutions.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:09 am
Dave, thank for the laugh! That’s the best laugh I’ve ever had on EDF - brilliant! Loved:
“Why no, that isn’t a leather embossed edition of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy down my trousers. I’m just in a good mood.”
and of course the Klingon and Federation game and that last line!!!
A 5 from me, mate. Great stuff.
July 14th, 2008 at 4:30 am
ROFL. But then I also recognized many of the references.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:14 am
Hilarious! What a great way to start the week! A 5 from me.
July 14th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Terrific! One of my favorites from EDF.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:35 am
Great humor piece!
July 14th, 2008 at 7:15 am
Great, funny voice. A wonderful twist on sci-fi. Loved it.
July 14th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Over 60. and this so resonates with my inner teen, my eternal teen. Great stuff Dave.
July 14th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Story was fine, I enjoyed it.
But my browser (Firefox 2.0.0.14) also blew out on that “I’m-just-a-shy-seventeen-year-old-geek-boy…” line. And the e-mail (Thunderbird) was even worse, it apparently assumed that over-long line set the width, and EVERYTHING ran off to the right requiring scrolling right then left to read it at all. Forty lashes with a wet noodle to whoever proofs the story before sending it out … normally done fine, but this time, NOT!
July 14th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Very cute.
July 14th, 2008 at 8:47 am
That is, without a doubt, one of the best EDFs for me, so far… Namely, because, well, is there any better place for us geeks to meet? The Star Trek reference warms my heart.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:20 am
LMAO at work! Brilliant!
July 14th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Thank you for my smile of the day. I’m still grinning. Great flash-I loved it. You rock.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Oh, yeah. THIS is a vision of hipness. Great story, Dave.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
thank you all for the kind words. They mean a lot
July 15th, 2008 at 1:47 am
I loved this, definitely one of the very best things I’ve read on EDF. Very funny, and utterly true.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
LOL