It was Christmas Eve, and we closed late. We’d had a few late customers wanting something special and fresh for tomorrow’s meal. Every sale helped; it had been a hard year for our bread store.
We were barely making it, my business partner and I. Jack, who’s more than my business partner now.
With the economy so poor, I didn’t know if we would make it another month, much less till next Christmas. These days, people had less to spend on artisan breads, handmade whole wheat rolls, and gluten-free feta-and-spinach loaves.
I turned the sign around. Jack hung up his apron. Then he turned to me, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a lump of coal. His hands still looked clown-white with flour dust. The coal left black streaks.
“This is for you.” He smiled at me.
My heart thumped, the way it always does at that dimpled smile, so unexpected, so pure in a face I had once thought ordinary.
“Coal?” I picked it up, making my own hand dusty, but no darker. I looked up at him with a questioning smile. I wasn’t offended yet, but I felt confused. Was he teasing, or what?
“Coal,” he repeated, smiling into my eyes with his blue ones. “Diamonds are made from coal, and pressure, and time — all the time in the world.”
I closed my fingers over it. For a second, I couldn’t breathe.
He enveloped my hand in both his own. Jack had such warm hands, always had. The coal was a dry lump, pressure against my palm. I stared at him.
“I don’t have a diamond for you yet, Moni. But I love you, and I have all the time in the world, the rest of my life — for you. We can make something beautiful with our lives. We’ll make it through all the pressure, together. So will you — ?”
He couldn’t finish. I’d already flung my arms around him and said yes.
He gave me coal.
It was the best present ever.
Alice M. Roelke has been writing since the age of eight. Her SF/mystery e-novella “The Space Station Murders” is currently available for sale from MuseItUp Publications or on Amazon.com. Her novel, “Watch Over Me,” will be available from the same publisher in 2012. She’s also had things published by Young Salvationist, GateWay S-F, Ray Gun Revival, Tower of Light Fantasy, Wayfarer’s Journal, Haruah: Breath of Heaven, Residential Aliens, Stories That Lift, Ethereal Tales, Digital Dragon, the Christmas in Outer Space anthology from Whortleberry Press, and the Of Fur and Fire Anthology from DreamZion Publishing, and Daily Science Fiction. Writing blog: thewritinglifeforme.blogspot.com Writing credits: sites.google.com/site/aliceroelke Facebook: http://on.fb.me/avHvJ0
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15 Responses to “HE GAVE ME COAL • by Alice M. Roelke”
Comments
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December 23rd, 2011 at 3:08 am
So simple. So beautiful.
December 23rd, 2011 at 5:01 am
Very strong writing here, particularly in the latter half where actions and images are clearly put before the reader. That you’ve created a moving scene and believable characters with so few words is quite an achievement! One minor suggestion — perhaps less exposition in the beginning, as they say, more showing and less telling. But again, a very strong piece.
December 23rd, 2011 at 7:12 am
Alice
This is a brilliant idea for a story.
And simple and very effective.
Good job!
December 23rd, 2011 at 8:10 am
A nice Christmas story, enjoyed it a lot. Patience is a wonderful thing (but I’m glad he didn’t wait until his coal turned to diamond). Three plus stars…+
December 23rd, 2011 at 9:11 am
Aw I like that. Pushed my mushy button you did
December 23rd, 2011 at 11:55 am
Lovely story, Alice!! Very sweet and to the point.
December 23rd, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Solid enough, but could have done with an extra edit.
December 23rd, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Very nicely done – the coal+time+pressure = diamond metaphor was very apt.
Only one quibble: the foreshadowing in the second paragraph was unnecessary, and really took the wind out of the “reveal”. Let the story percolate. Your reader will meet you at the end.
December 24th, 2011 at 5:04 am
such a touching romantic tale.well done.
December 24th, 2011 at 7:00 am
Simple and effective.
Over the yeas it takes for coal to become a diamond, the ‘everlasting’ aspect of true love shines through.
Why do I hear Louis Armstrong singing “We have all the time in the World” in the background as I read this?
Beautiful.
In my part of the UK [Liverpool. aka Centre of the Known Universe] there is an old custom that the First Person to enter your home after midnight on New Year’s Day should be (1) a dark-haired stranger BUT more important is (2)
they should be carrying THREE things:-
i) A piece of Coal to HEAT your house
ii) A Slice of Bread to FEED the household
iii) Some SALT to give FLAVOUR to the new year
Joy of Christmas to all
Paul McD
December 24th, 2011 at 7:04 am
Very nice.
December 24th, 2011 at 8:31 am
Aww! This just made my day a little better!
December 24th, 2011 at 11:03 am
Very nice. I’m a sucker for a good romance.
December 24th, 2011 at 11:48 am
Simple, sweet, effective. I envy your ability to tell a complete story in just a sprinkling of words.
December 27th, 2011 at 7:49 am
Always good to start a new venture (in this case marriage) with an investment.