“This is what we’ll do. We’ll bury him so his body will never be found. How? That’s the question.” Bob made another short, narrow lap around the trailer’s living room slash kitchenette while unwrapping his sixth stick of Big Red gum and jamming it into his mouth in mid-chew.
Marvin watched his partner from a kitchen stool, his left leg keeping time to an unheard beat. “Mmmm. Okay, what about this: we do it the way he wants, and frame him for it?”
“Fine, so what about Meg? She’s an ex-con and could have him taken out based on their sordid history, no one suspects her. It’s a natural.”
“But it’s too late. There’s no time to make changes, and what if Robino’s blackmail scheme turns out to be a setup?”
“I got it. We let the body be found in a public restroom stall…”
“Stop, no, I’ll hurt you if you finish that thought. Ass-holian!!”
There was a knock on the dressing trailer door and in came Nick, the director’s assistant.
“Guys, we need those new pages. What’s the hold up?”
“Nick, we’ve already soulessly lamed this script beyond recognition, and what Philip wants means we HAVE to do the ending over, too!”
Nick tapped his front teeth with his pencil and started a low siren noise of disagreement. “Nooooo, come on, guys. People are sitting around in costume and makeup is starting to run. Send out new pages with me or I come back with help in five minutes. Oh, and you know if that happens the two of you will…”
“Never work in this town again, yeah. We get it. Why are you still here?”
Marvin started scribbling on his legal pad: “Look, Meg comes in, finds the body, camera pans in tight on her face, and holds. She doesn’t change her expression but turns to the window, pick her up there with the crane camera, pull back out of the house, out of the yard, out of the town, fade to black, music up, credit roll.”
Bob slowly smiles, and it grows, “So the viewer has to decide if she had it done or if she’s stunned or what! Perfect.”
“Shall we try it on them?”
“This is why they pay us the big bucks, if they did, I mean. This would be the reason.”
They stepped out of the trailer and nearly skipped across the giant sound stage to the set.
Mike Whitney writes from a hill in North Carolina but sometimes just watches the birds, chipmunk and squirrels that feed outside his studio windows. They feed there because that is where he scatters the feed.
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19 Responses to “LAST MINUTE CHANGES • by Mike Whitney”
Comments
« THE SPIRAL INTO MADNESS • by Cornelius Barbulescu | Home | BURDEN • by Peter Tupper »
March 10th, 2008 at 3:48 am
Yeah, I think they’ll buy it. Of course, they won’t pay much…
March 10th, 2008 at 4:43 am
Yow, I’m lovin’ it, Mike. From the narrative hook to the segue into the script-writers’ dilemma, down the road to the darkest moment and up to the perfect non-ending. (Give me a CU of the chewing gum, Mr. DeMille.) Got any more gems like this in your desk drawer?
March 10th, 2008 at 5:52 am
Walt,
My desk drawer overfloweth. I wish.
Thanks for the appreciation, pal.
mike
March 10th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Great Monday morning treat. Especially for a writer on the horns of a dilemma. Lighten the mood, lighten the mood. Thanks Mike.
March 10th, 2008 at 7:25 am
Nice twist. Well done. Remind me never to become a scriptwriter
March 10th, 2008 at 7:31 am
Hi Mike,
You had me going with the beginning and then a nice twist. Writers really do affect our lives and are so under-appreciated.
Those NC hills are still working wonders on your writing. I haven’t made the move down to Burlington yet from good old Buffalo where we are having major snow, but am looking forward to it in the summer.
Thanks for starting my week so nicely.
Judy
March 10th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I like it, Mike. It’s exactly the kind of conversation I have with myself. Nicely written.
March 10th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
An enjoyable read, Mike – and what better words could any author seek?
March 10th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Besides, of course, “We’re interested in purchasing film rights . . . “
March 10th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Hate to be the bad guy here, but I thought this was a bit weak. I expected a bit more from the ending. The twist – which I liked – came in the middle, but then didn’t give me much after that.
The interaction between the characters was good, and the idea is different, but personally I wanted more.
Sorry – just personal taste, that’s all.
March 11th, 2008 at 2:48 am
Judy,
Thanks!
You are going to love the lack of snow compared to Buffalo.
Cheers.
mike
March 11th, 2008 at 2:55 am
He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have. – Don Juan Manuel
March 11th, 2008 at 2:58 am
Thanks, Jason. Re: buying film rights. Big smile here. ;>)
mike
March 11th, 2008 at 4:18 am
I’ll comment on most stories, even if they weren’t my bag, so will just speak my mind. Hope no offence was taken!
March 11th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Good story, Mike. The twist in the middle excited me because I guessed there would be another at the end and wondered how you were going to try to pull it off (like they pass Meg on their way out of the trailer or stumble over a dead body or something like that). But, a pleasant read all the same.
March 11th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Martin,
Thanks, and for the prompts to improve this out by adding a twist at the end.
That be valuable help, and I ‘preciate it. ;>)
mike
March 11th, 2008 at 9:38 am
GMoney,
None taken!
mike
April 8th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
[...] Last Minute Changes [...]
June 7th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Mike, I remember reading this on 6S and smiling…still a cool story,well done!!