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Danny checked to make sure the baby was really asleep, then quietly closed the storybook and placed it on the shelf. As he turned to leave the room, a title caught his eye: When I Had You, I…
The memory book. He remembered when they first found out they would be parents — Heather’s tears, her infectious, irrepressible happiness.
He’d bought her the book for Mother’s Day, halfway into her second trimester. She had laughed, promised to fill it out as completely as possible. They had spent the evening cuddled together, joking about how corny the questions were.
Danny took the book down, flipping through its pages. Blank, every one of them.
He remembered the birth. Everything went well until they reached the hospital and active labor started. And the bleeding. They’d performed a C-section to save the baby, but couldn’t stop the bleeding. Some kind of rupture.
“Let me see him,” Heather had whispered. Danny lifted their child, red and screaming, and placed him on her chest.
“My little Jonathan,” she murmured. “I’m glad …”
Danny closed the book with a snap and left the room. He stood next to the kitchen trash can for five minutes before admitting to himself he couldn’t do it.
He took out a pen, crossed through the prompt on the first page (“When I found out I was pregnant, I…”) and wrote:
Your mother was the sort of person who lived each moment fully. She didn’t have anything left to put down in writing.
He took the book back into the nursery, placed it on the shelf, and watched his son sleep.
Stewart Baker was born near London, England, but has spent many of the intervening years in the United States. He works as a librarian near Los Angeles and lives nearby with his wife, infant son, and cats.
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19 Responses to “MEMORY BOOK • by Stewart Baker”
Comments
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May 4th, 2011 at 4:51 am
I found this to be heart-felt and emotional, and I was effectively pulled in to the scene.
The writing was smooth and carried me through the story.
I could understand the father wanting to get rid of the empty book and felt sympathy with him as he was unable to. And I like the thought of the mother living every day to its fullest.
But — and maybe it’s because I’m a developing writer — I didn’t care for the “she didn’t have anything left to put down in writing.” To me, that seems a little cold and empty — the book is to be a memory for the child when he grows up. Wouldn’t the father want to put in as much as possible about who the mother was? Give the child everything he could so that he could know about his deceased mother?
I don’t know — maybe I’m over-thinking it. That’s a sign that the story hit me deep enough to dwell over, I guess, and that’s a good thing.
May 4th, 2011 at 5:13 am
I kind of agree with Chris (#1) but then again, there might still be a lingering anger in the husband over his wife’s death. Bitterness? Maybe later he’d be able to find the words.
Very effective writing. Drew a lot of sympathy with few words.
May 4th, 2011 at 6:33 am
There were a lot of “hads” in the early part of the story, something I am guilty of when I am narrating past events, other than that, really lovely writing amd a very nice story.
Four stars.
May 4th, 2011 at 6:45 am
Lovely.
May 4th, 2011 at 7:46 am
This was a heart-wrenching story for me this morning. I do wish there could be a system warning the reader as to the potential emotional impact. A little smiley face or teardrop would suffice.
This story should be considered a cautionary tale for prospective parents. A 75 year lifespan is not guaranteed.. if you THINK it, WRITE it!
May 4th, 2011 at 8:55 am
I didn’t really feel an emotional connection with any of the characers in this story, despite that however I really enoyed Danny’s entry in his child’s memory book.
May 4th, 2011 at 9:03 am
The bits of passive writing dropped this from a solid five to an average three. The premise and foundation of the story was really good and had a lot of potential. I think the writer really missed an opportunity with this one by using so much (agreeing with #3) “had”.
One of the things I do with a story after written is go back and search for passive words. (had, that, was, is, am, are, etc.) I look to see if I can turn those more active. That is part of the tightening up process flash fiction demands. I have gone back and looked at some of my earlier pieces and see how much they could be improved by massaging out the passive voice. It’s all part of the learning process.
May 4th, 2011 at 9:18 am
Thanks for all your feedback and comments.
@Mickey: None of the words in your list are inherently passive. Passive voice is caused not by specific words but by a sentence which puts the grammatical subject in the place of the object.
e.g. not “She kicked the dog.” but “The dog was kicked by her.”
I don’t see any of that in this story. I think what you’re put off by isn’t passive voice so much as the fact that the story is not as “showy” as it might be? Too much is told and not enough is shown to the reader?
There is, I agree, probably too much “had”ing. Oh well!
@Jen: Fair enough! Glad you got some enjoyment out of it anyway.
@Sarah, Nina: Thanks!
@Chris and @ajcap: What I was going for was more of a “Don’t be upset that your mother never filled out this book. She was too busy being alive.” or something. The idea behind memory books is that they’re to be filled out by the person, not for them, I think, so Danny might feel it was disingenous to fill it in for her.
Of course, I’m a big believer in multiple readings of stories, so I think your interpretations are equally valid. (And I think Danny is probably a bit too wrapped up in his own feelings of regret to think too clearly about the child’s future reading of the book.)
May 4th, 2011 at 9:23 am
Five stars
IMO #2, 4 , and 5
understand the trauma
this story portrays.
Tears from me !!!
Very emotional time for me
as my daughter is at the end
of her 3rd trimester.
LASTLY…..Methinks a story need not be
Clinically and grammatically correct to
rate 5 stars………..
May 4th, 2011 at 9:28 am
Lovely, sad story Stewart. Plus a concise explanation of the passive voice.
May 4th, 2011 at 9:40 am
Good beat – danceable. 10 out of 10!!
May 4th, 2011 at 9:41 am
Great story!
May 4th, 2011 at 10:16 am
Well done – very efficient writing with an emotional punch – but not overly sentimental.
May 4th, 2011 at 5:15 pm
Lovely, Stewart. Lovely.
May 4th, 2011 at 9:13 pm
I was engaged from the very start and felt his pain as he looked at the book. Having been through a near miss along similar lines his reactions are understandable. A very good piece Stewart IMHO… Thank You for an engaging read!
Dave
May 6th, 2011 at 8:59 am
Short but sweet. Packed a powerful message in a few words. Thank you.
May 6th, 2011 at 4:56 pm
I loved this story till the end. Like Chris F, this sentence “She didn’t have anything left to put down in writing.” put me off. It felt – to me – like a F–k You! to Death, which is understandable, and I would have been okay with him saying it aloud, but *not* with him putting it down in writing for his motherless child to find and read at a future date. It makes him more selfish and less loving a father, and I don’t think that’s what you were going for.
May 11th, 2011 at 9:08 am
Stewart at his best, IMO.
You had (ACTIVELY) me from the start.
The last sentence didn’t bother me. I saw is as an indication the father was going to fill in the rest of the story as the child grew up.
A lot of emotion in a small package.
May 13th, 2011 at 7:24 pm
Tight, well crafted, straight forward and complete. Well done.