She looked to the beginning of winter as her great salvation, when she would see him again for the first time in too long. Then she might press her lips to his bare chest and tell him how she loved it and more what was beneath it, that maybe she was the only one who really got his fire and his soul. And he would be moved to some great realization at last, even if he didn’t so much as say “I love you” and instead laid her gently or pushed her compellingly onto the bed — either way she would leave him flushed and sighing with a sense of completion.
It would be an ending to an era so to speak, for just that once they would be on the same wavelength, bodies and minds and those great beating confused hearts, for only that one moment perfectly in sync. She didn’t truly have any great expectations of longevity, in fact, she believed it a miracle that he even kept his promise all these years and never deleted her number; still there always lingered beneath all the hopelessness the vague idea of something more. So even if that was all she would ever get then she would be happy knowing that some things do come to fruition, aren’t hindered by the everyday futility like most other things and she could return to reality with one puzzle piece fit and forgotten.
But she’s getting ahead of herself here. Four years is too long to wait between turning and making eye contact and making love.
Perhaps she should start with scotch, neat and he’ll have one too.
Lia Molly Deromedi grew up in Chico, Northern California. She graduated with a degree in Literature/Writing from the University of California, San Diego. Lia is currently in the process of completing her Master’s in English from Brooklyn College. She lives and writes in New York.
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15 Responses to “MIKE • by Lia Molly Deromedi”
Comments
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August 6th, 2009 at 1:16 am
What??? Did she just meet the guy and imagine all the rest???
August 6th, 2009 at 1:37 am
Lovely language.
At the start I thought it was an historical piece until she got to, ‘and never deleted her number.’
Like Margie, the ending did confuse me. Was she living in romantic fantasy land? Had she just met him? If she had why did she think he’d be an infrequent lover?
August 6th, 2009 at 4:47 am
I assumed they’d last met four years ago, she adored him but nothing happened, although he took her number, and now he’s meeting up with her again. In the meantime, she’s longed for him, and is fantasising about what could happen.
An ok piece, but would have preferred it to evoke deeper emotions towards the protagonist and to hear more about their previous contact.
August 6th, 2009 at 4:56 am
Awkward sentence structure throughout; an odd change in tense at the third paragraph. This reads like a self-generated prompt for an actual story to be written some time in the future.
August 6th, 2009 at 5:58 am
I definitely liked this piece. It kept me wondering if what she imagined was going to happen was actually going to happen. I think people misunderstand the writing style, which I really enjoy. Very true to life.
August 6th, 2009 at 6:23 am
I did not care for this one. The ending left my head spinning, it seemed to come out of nowhere. And once again, this is all thought and little or no action … we see what she’s thinking MIGHT happen, but does it?
August 6th, 2009 at 6:40 am
I totally agree. What?????
August 6th, 2009 at 7:31 am
I’m with GMoney, I think they meant four years ago and she’s had a thing for him ever since. I liked this more than most people did, I hope she gets the guy.
August 6th, 2009 at 7:49 am
I like it, and I don’t think it’s just because of scotch – neat.
A little confusing, but nice twist at the end that made it clear. The last sentence of the second paragraph is a bit wordy. This line is great: “…laid her gently or pushed her compellingly onto the bed…”
August 6th, 2009 at 10:11 am
As an English professional myself, I appreciated this piece; unfortunately, it was probably too literary for most readers, with its unique structure and internal monologue/ stream of consciousness style. But, finally, something different! I didn’t find it hard to understand at all: they met four years ago, she was seeing him again and she was imagining what it would be like, then she checked herself.
August 6th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Liked how this started and was disappointed when it didn’t go further.
August 6th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I enjoyed this. The writing is good. I was entertained for the moment. That’s all I really ask of a piece of flash.
August 6th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Agree with Bob that it reads like storyboard notes.
August 7th, 2009 at 2:50 am
I thought the legth was in keeping with the subject matter – you can’t hold a fantasy for very long.
August 7th, 2009 at 8:41 am
I agree with Erin…I liked this piece, found it unique and well-written.