The cave was home, warmth, safety, security–and a sepulchre growing impatient for its last residents to take up permanent occupancy. As Kisstru looked around her belly rumbled loud and low. Beside her, Sayfair stretched his full length on the floor, too weak to move, his once glistening golden coat now a dull matt ochre, but not yet the lifeless lacklustre grey of the twenty-three other Emoteons whose dessicated bodies littered their surroundings. She nuzzled her head in his neck fur and then gently licked his muzzle one last time before advancing to the edge of the opening in the sheer rock face. If she didn’t get food for them both today, the end would only be a matter of time.
Kisstru summoned all her courage, spreading her wings wide and beating the air with them as she pushed off into the world beyond. She hugged the face of the cliff as she descended to the lush canopy of the forest below, her silver fur mottled with dusty grey patches providing the perfect camouflage against the mountainous backdrop. She reached the sheltering trees with relief as her dominant feeling, alighting in a small clearing close to the edge of a well-used watering hole. Surveying her surroundings there appeared to be no obvious danger, so she focussed her senses and cast around until she found that which she sought so urgently. A young buck was lapping noisily at the water, circling stealthily she moved to position herself directly downwind of her intended prey and began to close the distance between them.
The snapping of a twig arrested her motion just as she was about to spring, and startled her potential dinner into instant flight. She became aware of a dull throbbing ache in her temples, which rapidly blossomed into an agony of pain overwhelming her from the inside out. She was conscious of a prickling sensation in the fibres of her fur coat as it turned to a vivid blue colouration and the pain continued to intensify. A violent commotion in the undergrowth to Kisstru’s left betokened the cause of her malaise, as a wildly panicking human emerged into the space between the vegetation and froze in astonishment at the sight of a bright blue cat, eight feet long from tail to muzzle, with wings folded along both flanks. His static posture endured no more than a handful of heartbeats before he fled back into the brush even faster than he had emerged from it and in a completely different direction.
With his departure, the pain in her head began to dull, and the coruscating brilliance of her coat began to fade. Before she could fully regain her natural hue, the intensity of the pain began to ratchet up once more, and her fur underwent a second transformation, but this time to the deep vermillion of a tightly controlled rage. The source of this fresh manifestation emerged into the glade on her opposite side. He did not turn and run however, he did stop quite still, and watched as tears of pain and frustration rolled down her face, the inner turmoil too great to permit the voluntary muscle control which she would have required to make good her escape.
Once again she felt the now horribly familiar prickling sensation as the colouration of her hide careened into the regal purple of delight reflecting his newly acquired mood.
“Well, well, my beauty. It must be my lucky day, you’ll fetch far more than that piece of worthless scum ever would have done.”
He chuckled to himself, and his face bearing a lascivious smile, he raised his rifle for the killing shot. Adrenalin flooded his system on a rising tide of exultation as he aimed, and Kisstru’s hide flared brighter and brighter. His finger began to tighten on the trigger, but before he reached the critical pressure she collapsed in a heap, her teardrops giving way to gleaming red rivers of blood as she expired without aid from a bullet, his ecstasy too potent for her to handle.
In the cavern above the scene of Kisstru’s demise, as day turned into night, Sayfair exhaled his final breath and closed his eyes one last time on a world which had never quite come to terms with the reality of Emoteons.
Dave Troman is a fifty-year-old mechanical engineer by trade, who enjoys writing and reading. He lives with his wife and youngest child, with the two older offspring not too far away in their own houses. He also has one lovely granddaughter.
Did you like this story?
A new and interesting story is posted every day.
A new and interesting story is posted every day.
Subscribe to the RSS Feed! (what is rss)
Don’t miss another story! Subscribe to Every Day Fiction via RSS.- Share on Facebook
Rate this story
21 Responses to “MORTE EMOTEONS • by Dave Troman”
Comments
« VILLAGE BIRDS • by E.K. Entrada | Home | WITH LOVE FOREVER YOURS • by Alex Moisi »
August 13th, 2008 at 3:34 am
Great descriptive passages. Flows nicely. Well done.
August 13th, 2008 at 3:43 am
But I didn’t want them to die. A nice comment on snow leopards and everything else we arte driving to exticntion.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:21 am
“A violent commotion in the undergrowth to Kisstru’s left betokened the cause of her malaise”
I’m not convinced that’s a correct use of betoken, but I’m willing to be told different. I don’t think lascivious was the right word to use for his smile either, unless he was seriously kinked.
Say fair and kiss true, eh?
Quite a lot going on there. Circles within circles. Must say I rather enjoyed it but for me the bodies should have vanished after they died or else the world wouldn’t have much of a problem coming to terms with them.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:26 am
This summarises Orwell’s rules to effective writing.
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/george-orwells-5-rules-for-effective-writing/
I bring your attention to:
“2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.”
The original essay is here but I think the above is a more readable summary.
http://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit
But I really did like that, probably more than I should have.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:33 am
Sorry, pun endings aren’t my thing, so although there was a certain poignancy about this, it didn’t work for me.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:41 am
Nice story; it also reminded me of the pokemon cartoons my kids used to watch.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:57 am
Hi there folks,
Nice to meet you all, and thanks for the comments and ratings. Stories this short are something quite new to me, so all constructive comments are very gratefully received, and the ones already offered have given me a deal of food for thought in terms of this and future writing projects.
Many thanks again, and all best wishes
Dave
August 13th, 2008 at 6:00 am
Nice story from unusual perspective!
Will watch out for more in future!
August 13th, 2008 at 6:17 am
Enjoyed this very much, gripped me anyway!!
August 13th, 2008 at 7:12 am
Morte Emoteons is very well written. Dave’s use of words is excellent. What a great story!
August 13th, 2008 at 7:39 am
Thank you Sarah, Pauline and Susan,
All very much appreciated.
cheers
Dave
August 13th, 2008 at 7:53 am
well written and very powerfull short story excellent use of descriptve text
August 13th, 2008 at 8:13 am
Liked the descriptions and the flow and voice.
–dj
August 13th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
An interesting idea, but the wordiness of the descriptions, and some tense problems, got in the way of the story. I had a tough time with the idea of a sepulcher growing impatient, and as has been mentioned, a hunter having a lascivious smile.
An example of tense issues – “A young buck was lapping noisily at the water, circling stealthily she moved to position†– this kind of thing tends to knock me out of the story as a reader.
August 13th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
An interesting idea, but the wordiness of the descriptions, and some tense problems, got in the way of the story. I had a tough time with the idea of a sepulcher growing impatient, and has been mentioned, a hunter having a lascivious smile.
An example of tense issues – “A young buck was lapping noisily at the water, circling stealthily she moved to position†– this kind of thing tends to knock me out of the story as a reader.
August 13th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
An interesting idea, but the wordiness of the descriptions, and some tense problems, got in the way of the story. I had a tough time with the idea of a sepulcher growing impatient, and has been mentioned, a hunter having a lascivious smile. An example of tense issues – “A young buck was lapping noisily at the water, circling stealthily she moved to position†– this kind of thing tends to knock me out of the story as a reader.
August 13th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I loved your ideas and the arc of your story.
However, I did find some of your prose convoluted.
Looking forward to reading more, though.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
A neat idea, unfortunately obscured by word choice and the denseness of the prose. A “sepulcher growing impatient” was an odd image that didn’t add to the overall mood; and as has been noted, the hunter’s “lascivious smile” seemed out of place. These juxtapositions threw me out of the story rather than enhanced it. You could really enhance the reader’s appreciation of the fascinating nature of the Emoteons by pruning the descriptive bits that don’t move the action forward.
August 19th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Hi there Bob and B.Teuscher,
Thanks for reading this, and offering such constructive comments. All input very gratefully received in the hope of getting better with passing time.
Dave
August 26th, 2008 at 3:30 am
Dave,
I liked the story, based on your descriptive narrative, you should consider writing short horror stories. I’m looking forward to further readings.
August 26th, 2008 at 3:52 am
As an animal lover, the story hit home for me. it is a reality check on human behaviour.