“H… hello, Mr. Sterne.”
“Oh, yes. Jonathan, please sit down.”
“Th… thank you.”
“You look terrible, my boy. You’re shaking. Are you all right?”
“Not… really.”
“And you smell as though you’ve been drinking.”
“I may have had…”
“Well, that’s quite all right. I’ll have Simpson bring you a nice cup of coffee.”
“Thank you, sir. I guess you know what happened.”
“Yes, yes. And you can rest assured that Angela is very sorry for the fright she gave you.”
“She tried to kill me.”
“Yes, well, as I say, a great deal of anxiety.”
“When I woke up, she was standing over me with a knife. I had to jump out of a second story window.”
“Yes, yes. I’m certain she will quite relax after the wedding.”
“That’s really what I wanted to talk to you about, Mr. Sterne. I think after last night, Angela and I might need some time to… get to know each other a bit better.”
“Do not try my patience, young man. You will marry my daughter as scheduled.”
“But, Mr. Sterne…”
“Did you really believe that when a girl with such a generous trust fund agreed to marry a 46 year old — forgive the term — failure, there wasn’t going to be a catch?”
“But, sir…”
“Look at yourself. You drink cheap blended Scotch during the day. You call yourself a painter, but you’ve never sold a painting.”
“But, sir.”
“Marry Angela and you will have financial security. You can buy yourself some presentable clothes. Your debts will disappear.”
“I – I…”
“Walk away, and you will simply grow older and more pathetic. Regretting that you missed your one opportunity to save yourself from your own failure.”
“Sir…”
“You are far from the first person Angela has tried to kill. She tried to kill me for the first time when she was eight years old. She burned down our house in Montauk when she was twelve. And then there was that incident at her boarding school in Switzerland. Her mother was very much the same way. Of course I have had to learn to make certain adjustments in my lifestyle to insure my own survival. You’ll soon learn to do the same.”
“I…”
“My daughter’s happiness is the most important thing to me, young man. She tells me that she cannot be happy without you. She has covered her walls with her drawings and photographs of you. I am offering you an opportunity to become a man of substance, of respect. And all that I ask in return is that you demonstrate a tiny bit of kindness to a beautiful girl who loves you.”
“I really think I need some time to digest all this, sir.”
“Your time is up, Jonathan. I have a board meeting to attend. Why don’t you stay and have a few more drinks. They’ll put everything on my tab. And don’t look so dour, my dear boy. Angela is a beautiful girl. And I think that you will be surprised at how receptive galleries can be to an artist who has made the right sort of connections. I shall see you at the wedding.”
“Will there be anything else this evening, sir?” asked the waiter.
“No… You know, Simpson, I’ve just been sitting here reviewing my alternatives and I’ve realized something interesting. I don’t have any. Mr. Sterne is right. I’ve failed at everything and now I’ve run out of options.”
“Haven’t we all, sir. Will there be anything else?”
“No… yes. What… what is your most expensive Scotch?”
“The Kinclaith, sir.”
“How much is it?”
“$415 per glass, sir.”
“Perfect. I’ll have a double on ice.”
“Very good, sir.”
“Oh, and Simpson.”
“Yes, sir?”
“Bring me the bottle. I’m getting married tomorrow.”
Michael Tracy is an avid reader and occasional writer.
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47 Responses to “MR. STERNE • by Michael Tracy”
Comments
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April 19th, 2009 at 12:45 am
Great writing! A comedy sketch than a short story, it brought a much needed smile to my face.
April 19th, 2009 at 2:36 am
Thanks for starting my Sunday off with a laugh, Michael. I agree with Paul about everything except it not being a story (though, indeed, it would be a great short audio play). This is a story complete in the depth of the characters, which can be inferred from the dialogue (right down to the Jeeves-type waiter – brilliant), and in that the viewpoint character undergoes a change – he comes to terms with his situation. Writing a complete story entirely in dialogue takes some doing, and this succeeds. That’s why it’s a five from me.
April 19th, 2009 at 5:19 am
Dialogue-only pieces are tough to pull off, but this one manages to do it. My only pic is that Jonathan is a person I can “see” whereas Mr. Sterne and Simpson are just amorphous figures from central casting. A few simple brushstrokes could have brought Sterne to life: “You see this scar here boy, the one running along my jawline? Angela tried to gaff me on a deep sea fishing trip in 1986. And my right eye, notice anything strange? Yes, it’s glass. That was her mother’s doing…” etc.
Enjoyed. Thanks.
April 19th, 2009 at 5:31 am
As JohnOBX says, dialogue only stories are often awkward, but this one reads true. We see Jonathan’s growing awareness of the situation, the implications it has for him, and he resignation, which is very credible, given the information we have. I found all four characters to be well defined from the dialogue.
April 19th, 2009 at 5:35 am
I can appreciate that it must have been difficult to do the entire short in dialogue only…I had to do the exact thing for a class assignment, and it pales in comparison to this. I’m jealous of those that can have their diagogue flow so well (*sigh*). JohnOBX gave a really good example of fleshing out Mr. Strerne.
Great job, Michael.
April 19th, 2009 at 5:46 am
Love dialogue stories!! Wow…this was impressive, a real grabber with great characters and a power struggle rolled into one!And I’m not just saying this because my name is Angela…lol!
April 19th, 2009 at 6:04 am
Nicely done, Michael.
April 19th, 2009 at 6:05 am
This was really terrific. I guess if you can’t beat ‘em… I guess for Jonathan it was all about priorities. Really interesting way to begin my Sunday. This was great.
April 19th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Firstly, this was a good piece of writing. I enjoyed it thoroughly. The ending was just okay but the characters are given life by the lively dialogue.
I read EDF every single day and every single day I get on here to find someone claiming that the piece of flash fiction in front of them isn’t a ’story’.
Don’t listen to that rubbish, Michael. This was fine.
You have a problem:
A fiance’ that tries to kill people.
You have a difficult decision:
Be a starving artist your entire life but at least not have a raving lunatic as a wife or suck it up and marry the nutjob and live in the lap of luxury… with your back always to a wall of course.
You have a decisive action:
Marry her and take full advantage of your new found wealth.
This IS a story and a well written one considering the constraints of the flash medium.
Well done, Michael.
April 19th, 2009 at 6:29 am
I liked this one, but there was one awkward spot.
” … I shall see you at the wedding.”
XXX
“Will there be anything else this evening, sir?” asked the waiter.”
I had to jump back to the XXX from a few lines later and figure out that Mr. Sterne had left at that point. A clearer indication of this would have been helpful.
April 19th, 2009 at 6:34 am
I hate stuttering in dialogue, but I understood its use to indicate emotional upheaval. Still – it never reads well, and I’ve never met anyone who actually does stutter when under stress like that.
That said, terrific story. Loved everything else about it.
April 19th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Ecellent story! It read like a one act play and I don’t mean that as a bad thing.
The first story I’ve given five stars in quite some time.
And Bob, I used to stutter like that all the time when I was nervous.
April 19th, 2009 at 7:02 am
Definitely a story. Love the dialogue and the conflict.
April 19th, 2009 at 7:07 am
Good story. I think the more you can portray with dialogue the better the story.
April 19th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Dialogue stories are killers to write, and you pulled it off. Bravo! Agreed with Jim about the slightly jerky transition from two at the table to only one. The XXX would have indicated the MC’s sitting alone and pondering his fate for a while before the waiter appeared. Otherwise, brilliant.
April 19th, 2009 at 8:57 am
John OBX- And not only would additional words such as yours bring it more to life, alternatively the words could be re-ordered, bringing it closer to life’s rhythms.
e.g.:
Mr. Sterne:
“She tells me that she cannot with you.
“Without you she has covered her walls with her drawings.
“But photographs — You;
“…the right sort of connections.
***
“And all that I ask in return is that you
“demonstrate a tiny bit of kindness to some “beautiful girl
“somewhere else
“who loves you.”
Johnathan:
“Do not try my patience.
“I’ll have a double on ice.
“Bring me the bottle. I’m getting married tomorrow.”
April 19th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I not only liked the story but I see an even more interesting sequel… maybe more. The Honeymoon… the first year… that first weekend you visited your mom (and dad… dads always die first… especially in stories. Damn.) Guess what I’m saying is that you have painted an interesting scenario with characters that have more to offer… especially that minx, Angella.
April 19th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
The story was both heartbreaking and poignant. It represents a scenario that is present in many repeat moments in our lives. For example, it is seen in the workplace, where abuse is tolerated for the need for money. Brilliant, and sparse in his rendering of text, Tracy conveys the close relationship bewteen self-shackled slavery, and money.
April 19th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Excellent voice and flow–I like dialogue stories and yours was one of the better ones I’ve seen.
–dj
April 19th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Good story, great dialogue, nicely done.
April 19th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
That last line alone is it’s own beginning and end!
April 19th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Excellent piece of flash fiction! I positively suck at writing dialogue so I am green with envy at how effortless you make it seem.
I must agree with Trevor’s assessment that the last line is not an end, but a beginning
! I look forward to seeing more work from you.
April 19th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
So there’s a subspecies of sociopath known to clinical types as a basal-response batterer: a man who, as he beats his partner, is flooded with calm. Some of us are basal-response Lit Snobs, and the more brutally we slag off bad writing, which is almost all writing, the more serene we become: the tiny pantheon of the brilliant has been defended against contamination by sludgy mortals. But there are only one each of Faulkner, Borges, Kafka, Camus, Baudelaire, Pirandello- one midlife day it seems you’ll have to start pretending to enjoy the second tier (or worse).
Mr. Tracy has allowed basal-response Lit Snobs the only unicorn-rare serenity more serene than that spun from slagging: the serenity for which we are so grateful when we can deliver ourselves wholly into the hands of a confident and brilliant writer who never, ever asks us to settle for merely-good writing. It goes beyond the dialogue and the decision and the heft of the characters. This story glows: everything is precisely as it must be.
Nearly everyone writes because they feel they must, but only one writer in a (very large number) seems to write because the rest of the world feels s/he must. Mr. Tracy, please make known your earlier work and get going on whatever comes next.
April 19th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Simpson’s “Haven’t we all, sir”, as a response to claiming to have failed at everything and run out of options, takes him into a class with the great butlers of literature and movies, in a quiet but profound response to the enormous absurdities around him. Bravo, sir, on the whole piece.
April 20th, 2009 at 5:05 am
Yes, Brad, that brilliant line was the one that I mistakenly attributed above as being ‘Jeeves-type’ (Bertie Wooster’s butler”. Your post has jogged the old memory. Wasn’t that very line delivered by John Guilgood as Dudley Moore’s butler in ‘Arthur’. If it wasn’t those exact words, it was damn close – I can almost hear him saying it. Great line though, wherever the inspiration cam from.
April 20th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I am convinced that this story, in most hands, would have been ten times longer and one tenth as effective. And I’m not even a basal response lit snob. Excelsior!
April 20th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Loved this gem. Having the father offer comfort by saying that his daughter has tried to kill others, not just the prospective groom (even the father is in the growing group) – is a great great smile.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:11 am
This is a dark comedy indeed. I love a well written dialogue. Poor Jonathan. I thought the stuttering was quite effective. This is the first time I have ever given five stars.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:16 am
When I read the comments made here it occurred to me that I would love to read a story written by Mr. Joseph De Vico. If his stories are any bit as interesting as his comments, they promise to entertain!
Mr. Tracy, I agree with De Vico. Please make your earlier work known and don’t just write on occasion. Writing is obviously your calling.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:19 am
I read this yesterday, and came back to read it again. I love your dark sense of humour and found myself laughing out loud at some of the lines. Example:
“She tried to kill me.”
“Yes, well, as I say, a great deal of anxiety.”
Well done, Michael.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:32 am
Mr. Tracy, I love your dialogue. I disagree with those who say this is not a story. I also love the understatement in the line “Yes, well, as I say, a great deal of anxiety.” Your comedic sense is terrific. I can’t wait to read more. After reading this, I am a fan.
April 21st, 2009 at 9:52 am
Bravo, Michael. This was a very nicely written piece of fiction. Yes, it is a story.
April 21st, 2009 at 11:20 am
I disagree with the comment that Mr. Sterne needed to be painted in more detail. I like that the focus in on Jonathan and Mr. Sterne is more fuzzy. Mr. Tracy is fully adept at writing dialogue that rings true. I love the ending. Ordering the full bottle was such a good way to show his resolve. The life that awaits Jonathan seems terribly difficult and dark.
Mr. Tracy, I wouldn’t change a thing.
April 21st, 2009 at 12:32 pm
This story has some witty banter and it is an entertaining read. Beyond that, there is a deep sadness in this tale. Jonathan has given up his chance for any sort of happy life. He has traded his life for money. In the end we see a defeated man. It is so elegantly written, so funny in parts, yet so very sad. It rings true. I do not believe there needed to be any more details surrounding Mr. Sterne. We can assume that he has experienced his daughter’s illness first hand, but Jonathan is our focal point.
Tracy has a deep understanding of humor and also of tragedy. I would like to see more of his stories in the future.
April 21st, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I love the waiter. At first I was unclear who he was talking to, but I got back on point right away, and I love him. I don’t love our hero, because I think he made the wrong decision, but at least he’s been fairly warned. (I love the father’s calm, serene, comforting air when he tells the prospective groom of the homicidal nature of his bride) Very nice story indeed.
April 21st, 2009 at 3:41 pm
I agree with Pilgrimage that the waiter is quite appealing. I do still feel for the hero, because it is human to make bad choices sometimes. Marrying this woman will bring him unhappiness, that is guaranteed. But he felt that he had no options. The father is also in a situation that is not enviable. I love all the characters.
Well done, Michael!
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:46 am
I admire a person who can write a good dialogue story! I dig the waiter the most. Very funny!!
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Very enjoyable.
Thank you
April 23rd, 2009 at 7:02 am
I loved this story! It was so funny and vibrant. Amazing how well-rounded the characters are given that the story is all dialogue. Excellent, piece; thanks for sharing! – Michele
May 15th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
I, too, would like to hear more from either Mr. Tracy or Mr. De Vico. It has been far too long.
May 26th, 2009 at 3:35 am
Good. But not every waiter is called ‘Simpson’.
May 26th, 2009 at 3:43 am
True, Jenny, but this butler is.
June 2nd, 2009 at 4:34 am
No, Oscar; WAITER (read the words). They are most assuredly not the same thing.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:01 am
Quite right, Jenny, I stand corrected. Interesting isn’t it how we ‘fill in the blanks’ in our own way? I latched-on to the Jeeves-type line (in post 25 above) and made up my mind that the action was set in a large family mansion. In fact the ‘waiter’ term implies it might be set in a club or restaurant. And – come to think of it – that also accounts for the price information. Presumably it’s the same guy though? Unless Jonathan’s really pye-eyed?
Well spotted, that lady.
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:17 am
[...] “H… hello, Mr. Sterne.” [...]
January 2nd, 2010 at 6:37 pm
[...] I read: MR STERNE by Michael Tracy. Should I feel guilty for finding it [...]
March 1st, 2010 at 12:04 am
[...] EDF013: MR. STERNE written by Michael Tracy read by Matt Cowens “Mr Sterne” was originally published in EDF on April 19, [...]