Matching forty-fives. Great minds think alike, I guess. I always knew our relationship would end this way. Just the two of us, waves lapping on the beach, a bottle of wine, the briefcase, and of course a handgun pressed to each other’s face.
How we came to this juncture is inconsequential. What comes after is equally unimportant. When you’re staring down the barrel of a gun the only time that matters is the present.
Our eyes are locked, our hands steady, each of us waiting for the other to blink. In a way it’s romantic, the waves, the sunset, what a perfect ending.
He’s so focused. It’s what I love about him, all the time so serious. The concentration is making him sweat. I never sweat. A little drop is crawling down his forehead.
The fading rays of tropical sun glint off the chrome of our pistols. The drop of sweat crosses his eyebrow. I watch patiently as it plants itself on top of his left eyelid. He can’t help it. He blinks.
Justin Crockett lives in Columbus with his wife and dog. He fights fire for money and writes for fun.
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11 Responses to “NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT • by Justin Crockett”
Comments
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November 29th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Nice, tightly written piece, Justin! I gave it a five.
November 29th, 2008 at 1:00 am
At a range of less than twelve feet, the one who brings a knife to a gunfight has an advantage. At touching distance, hand to hand tactics can tip the odds, say by causing a distraction or unbalancing the other, and are advised as part of a combined approach. At the very least they shouldn’t be locking eyes but rather keeping an unconcentrated gaze slightly past or around each other to pick up any movement, not just movements from where they are looking directly.
Neither opponent is being sensible here.
November 29th, 2008 at 3:36 am
Wouldn’t come down to who is quickest on the trigger?
November 29th, 2008 at 4:35 am
If we’re going to be ever practical, then what are two people doing standing on a beach with a briefcase and pistols pointed at each other; and wouldn’t it really have come down to who drew their weapon first?
Come on, guys; it’s a story and a damned good one, too. It’s like a sunset. Don’t explain how far away the big ball of gas is, or how long it takes for its light to reach Earth, or tell me what’s in the atmosphere that makes the sun turn red. Just appreciate the artistry.
November 29th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Great story, starts with action and keeps you hookedright to the end.
November 29th, 2008 at 11:09 am
great setup, tension, lots of impact in a few words. I enjoyed it immensely. Nice writing.
November 29th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
But that’s the thing - the implied back story is clumsy, not artistic. The very fact that the story proper says “don’t look at the back story” just draws attention to it.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I think the implied back story is great because it leaves the viewer to conjure up their own ideas about how the couple got into such an improbable position. I found it romantic.
November 30th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I really enjoyed this one. I thought it worked well with the extra short length of the piece. Part of me was wrapped up in it enough to wish that I knew more, and the other part was glad to have room to decide what happened for myself.
November 30th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Loved the modern day gunbattle.
January 5th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
That was awesome. I especialy liked the ending. Great job!