The wardens pull the leather buckles tight, tighter than’s really necessary, then pull ‘em a bit tighter still. I’ve waited eight years for this day and it’s not come soon enough for me. The lawyers insisted on appeals I didn’t want, and even now there’ll be some idiot folks outside, banners in hand, shouting that I should be spared.
But even I’ve come to know that some men ain’t fit for living and this world’ll be a better place without the likes of me, after what I done to those girls. I didn’t make it quick for ‘em and everyone knows it.
There’re three women on the front row watchin’. They’ve dead eyes after all these years, they don’t even look angry now, like they did back then, though one’s got a sort of smile but not a proper one.
I’m wonderin’ what it’ll be like when they throw the switch. Wardens tell me it’ll be like being smacked on the head with a lump hammer n’ being kicked in the gut by a mule while burning coals are heaped on me.
Those guys don’t like me.
I’ve seen ‘em get friendly with other fellas on the row, but not me. I don’t blame them. Even I don’t like me after what I done.
But I’m not scared of the chair, lord how long can the hurtin’ last? A few minutes? Them ladies on the front row deserve a show, I don’t begrudge ‘em that after how I tret their girls. They sure lasted longer than a few minutes, what with me and those knives; that ripsaw –
No, do your worst and pull that switch, dispose of the piece of garbage that I know I am.
Am I sounding brave? If I am you’ve got it all wrong. You see what is scaring the crap outta me is that when the switch pullin’ is done, and they’re hauling my charred ass to the back room, I’ll be in another place then.
And that’s when my hurtin’ will really begin.
Nick Allen is a 47-year-old mental health nurse from Manchester, England. He has been writing short stories for around 2 years.
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27 Responses to “OLD SPARKY • by Nick Allen”
Comments
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March 11th, 2009 at 1:57 am
A well enough written piece, but quite honestly it’s an overdone theme.
March 11th, 2009 at 2:18 am
Good story, Nick. Only thing I feel needs a little bit of attention is the ending. The payoff seems a tad to long, somehow, which detracts from its impact. Please don’t take this comment amiss; your style is great. Only a tweak, and only IMO, anyway.
March 11th, 2009 at 3:27 am
I enjoyed the voice, character, and underlying message. Nicely done. I don’t think people can be reminded enough about the possibility of eternal judgment, and your story does that in a flash fiction sort of way. 4/5
March 11th, 2009 at 4:04 am
Nicely done, and a good length for the limited theme. It would have been stronger without the details of his crime, especially the reference to the knives and ripsaw – the story swerved into “Friday the 13th” territory in those lines, which detracted from the overall tone.
March 11th, 2009 at 4:17 am
I think it’s a fantastic and witty piece. Makes me want to read it over and over again.
March 11th, 2009 at 5:21 am
Good voice, I agree with comment 4. It didn’t really need those details for the tone of the story speaks for itself. Raw and creepy but I liked it.
March 11th, 2009 at 6:00 am
Good story, a development of the psychology of a hateful, self-hating condemned man at his execution done very interestingly through his own speech. Thanks to Fred Meyer for the thought about “eternal judgement.” The mystical possibility never occurred to me; I thought of other possibilities more this-worldly.
March 11th, 2009 at 7:14 am
I liked that ending. Good work, Nick.
March 11th, 2009 at 10:16 am
Thats everyone for your comments and support. This is my first EDF peice and those kind words mean a lot.
The main criticism seems to revolve the saw and knife, and it’s a fair point.
I did struggle over this somewhat myself, but on balance wanted to leave no doubt in the readers mind how awful this man was, so went with it.
March 11th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
I think the saw and knives were a strong and valid point, Nick. Using old sparky should be a limited endeavor, not for jaywalkers or dope peddlers.
There is a difference in punishment for crime of types such as this. Never hide evil behind sanitary curtains. I took it the murdered were children–the eternal damnation justified–so, too, I might add.
A great voice and flow. 5*!
–dj
March 11th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
I think you pulled the reader in by the very first sentence. Nicely written and an interesting theme.
March 12th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Well written piece.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:08 am
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Tret
I’m with Paul Freeman, it’s an overdone theme, but I tend to baulk at religious mumbo jumbo.
“I’ll be in another place then.
And that’s when my hurtin’ will really begin.”
I just have an image of someone reading this and nodding their head, thinking to themself, in a typically bloodthirsty religious way. “Yes you will, you’ll get exactly what you deserve.”
And I hate that person.
March 12th, 2009 at 1:21 am
Have to agree with the comment above, here. I think it’s well written, but the theme is not something I can accept. Not bad, for what it is, but not my taste, sorry.
March 12th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Gerard and Cat, you miss the point. The story is not about religious mumbo-jumbo, it’s about a man who believes in religious mumbo-jumbo. It’s weird to say you don’t care for a story because a well-realized character has delusions you don’t share; characters are supposed to be different than we are, otherwise they wouldn’t be interesting.
And I find it interesting that you object to his religious expectations more than you do his perversely violent tendencies, but that’s just me.
March 12th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Nicely done flash.
March 12th, 2009 at 6:41 am
This peice was wonderfully written and packed full with just a few words. Great job!
March 12th, 2009 at 7:01 am
Well done – you have that voice nailed perfectly. I was absorbed and satisfied.
March 12th, 2009 at 9:32 am
I agree with the first comment by Paul that, while written, there are an abundance of first person death row stories and there isn’t much about this one that feels fresh. I guess it is an interesting perspective to put yourself in: inside the head of a killer facing his own doom and to try to make even the most heinous person a little sympathetic.
High marks for the writing. Look forward to another piece from this author.
–John
March 12th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Thanks again for all the kind comments, you really brighten my day.
If it doesn’t seem like a different take on a familiar theme, then I’m sorry for those who were dissapointed.
Cat, not sure if you mean’t you couldn’t accept Capital Punishment as a theme for a story, or if you meant something else, so difficult to know how to reply. I wasn’t acting as an advocate for it if that is what you thought. I was just telling a tale!!
Gerrard, I understand that you might find vengeful people distasteful, but I often wonder what I would feel if a member of my family was horribly murdered.
March 17th, 2009 at 6:59 am
An interesting piece – as all of your work is.
My only comment on the story would be the contrast/conflict between the horrific deeds the character has done and his strong belief in a higher authority.
If the idea of hell terrifies him that much, would he have done the deeds he’s being executed for? Its an are of conflict within himself that could have been further explored.
Did his beliefs arise through his deathrow wait of 8 years??
A good piece! Well done, Nick.
March 17th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Cheers Dave.
I suppose thinking about his impending death for all that time focused his thoughts on what might be waiting for a man such as him.
March 18th, 2009 at 5:39 am
RE: Dave Brooks’ comments-
If Sparky’s belief is that he is of the legions of the devil, he would perform those acts to serve the devil. He would want to die in such a way so that he would go directly to the devil and not have to suffer further from the heavenly trials and punishments of the just.
I don’t believe in such a dichotomy of existence myself, but maybe the evil Sparky did.
March 18th, 2009 at 5:43 am
“Old Sparky” is a slang term for the electric chair where the nameless character is destined to sit.
March 18th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Thanks, John OBX. I’m adding the term “Old Sparky” to my list of old underworld slang. I should not have used “Sparky” as the name of the Manichean character.
March 18th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Roberta, thanks for commenting [and thanks for putting the record straight Bob].
I’ve always assumed that killers are driven [in the main] by perverse sexual urges rather than a desire to serve the Devil.
In my mind this chap was a psychopathic pervert, pure and simple!!
July 26th, 2010 at 12:01 am
[...] EDF033: OLD SPARKY written by Nick Allen read by Bob Eccles “OLD SPARKY” was originally published in EDF on March 11, [...]