We were children, not lovers, but as we lay on the grass looking at stars, talking of angels, she took my hand and said that a moment can change everything. When I think of Sissy Zaleski, and I do now more often than ever, I always remember her that night. Splayed out on the earth as though floating just an inch above the ground, she told me in the strange quiet of the countryside, where silence is made up of infinite little sounds, that there would be signs, forever.
“I’m not tricking you, Tom. You know that, don’t you? I’m just telling you how it is and how it’s going to be. When we get older and we’re not friends like now, ’cause we’ve gone away or got a job or got married, I’m going to send you signs to remember us now, this very second. Do you believe me?”
“What sort of signs?”
She might have been about to answer when the lamplight came through the leaves, but I was already on my feet, tugging her up, dragging and scrambling with her hand tight in mine, keeping low to the ground as the lamplight swept to and fro, a hulking shadow stomping behind it.
“Sissy, you better not be out here with that boy! You hear me?”
Even now I can see her pa. A stomper, always a stomper, with dark eyes and a darker brow. And always dangerous, with tools in bulging pockets. That night he stomped the earth, and we rushed into the night. In the trees, near the stream, we stopped and sat on our haunches, breathing hard, breathing the woods. We stayed liked that, frozen in our fear, until I moved closer and whispered in her ear
“Why does he hate me so? I ain’t done nothing bad.”
She moved closer still. “He thinks if it weren’t for you, I’d stay indoors more with him. He’s got worse since mum left. He gets worse every day. Truly, he does.”
I looked into her eyes. Then, like idiots feeling safe and holding nothing back, we hugged together, so close I could feel her heart next to mine. I don’t know who kissed whom first. But once, thirty-three years later in a room in Blackpool, watching as my wife combed her hair, ochre red like Sissy’s, it came to me with force as crushing as gravity. If I’d kept Sissy closer, if I’d never let her go so easy, it could have been her combing herself in front of me then. I wonder now if that was the first signal, or if they’d been coming all those years after and I’d just blanked them out, pressed them down, scared of what they said.
I’ve had no worse parting than that night. I didn’t want her to go, but once we finished, and we realized what we’d done and how now I was more, much more than a forbidden friend, she was shaking so hard I thought she might die on me. With the taste of her on my lips, I sneaked us out of the trees. We scurried close to the ground, as fast as we could, and I took her back to the lair of her pa. I kissed her again then, in the shadows. It was the bravest thing I’d ever done. I wanted to show her that even though she was going back, I wouldn’t desert her. Not ever.
She didn’t come to school for a few days after that and then I found out it was she who was leaving me. Going to back to Poland, that’s what my friend said, to the motherland of her ancestors, as far as the stars for me. I didn’t believe him at first, how could I? Since that night, she’d been in every one of my thoughts, colouring them like ink spilled in water. But then they announced it at school, last thing in assembly, after the morning prayers. And when everyone else filed out, I just sat there. Cross-legged and dazed.
I saw her once afterwards. She sneaked round my house, she couldn’t stay long, she said. She threw herself onto the sofa and started wrestling cushions, banging her fists and asking me that if there was a god, then what was he doing to make her pa so mad to leave. I wanted to say things to make her feel better but I couldn’t, because I knew that it was me that caused it. I wanted to kiss her again too, but my mum was lurking, so I just held her hand and said I’d write every day.
Look out for the signs, she said before she left. Little things, I’ll send them and you’ll remember me. I know it. And I did to start with. I looked out all the time, but as I grew up and as I changed from a boy to man, I stopped searching or maybe I just stopped seeing. Life does that to you, I suppose, clouds things over.
So why is it only now that my life is drowsy with dreams of her? And what does it mean that a smell, a word, the single sigh of an owl can make me think of Sissy? Nearly a whole life I’ve lived without her, got jobs, gone away and been married, but only now do I see that she was right. That one moment, one bright culmination of everything, can change you from children to lovers and that you can never, ever, go back again.
Joel Willans writes out of Helsinki, Finland.
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58 Responses to “ONE BRIGHT MOMENT • by Joel Willans”
Comments
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May 27th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Lovely story, Joel.
K.C.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:00 am
Ver lyrical story. Thanks.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:01 am
Very Lyrical story. Thanks.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:41 am
Joel, that is just beautiful! Beautiful and moving.
Oonah
May 27th, 2008 at 5:22 am
Complete and engaging piece.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Wonderfully written and quite compelling Joel. I found myself asking several questions as I read, which is a very good sign of hooking a reader and keeping his/her interest. This could be expanded into a much longer piece and could take several different angles. Well done!
May 27th, 2008 at 7:04 am
Amazing story, Joel. Wish I’d written it myself–the highest praise I give.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:20 am
Love the content here. Very compelling stuff–the stuff of great novels.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Oh, this is very good stuff, Joel.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:11 am
enjoyed this very much, wistful but not sentimental. A strong piece.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Amazing story. Made me remember being kid in love. I wonder how the ladies are doing now. Is one of them sending me signs?
May 27th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Wonderfully written - very evocative.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:52 am
I enjoyed this one very much. Well done Joel!
May 27th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Brilliant, proud to be your mum
May 27th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Oh, Sally — I love honesty.
K.C.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Wow, this is a great story. It made my chest hurt a little.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Inspirational….need I say more?
5 stars my friend…..5 stars
May 27th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Bloody brilliant.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Cheers everyone!
To be honest, I’m a bit overwhelmed by the response to this. With the exception of the comments from my mum (Thanks mum xx), I didn’t know how well this would be received.
But, I’m really pleased if it made you feel or think something a little different, or made you look at your life in another way because in my opinion that’s what writing is all about.
Thanks again.
Joel
May 27th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Wow! Beautiful, Joel, this read more like an essay to me, but I didn’t care about categories, just enjoyed the time you let me be part of that story.
I like that this *is* a story and not an essay, somehow, and that EDF chose it to publish here.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Beautiful story, Joel, a traditional theme - children falling in love and then being separated - but looked at anew, very powerful, very sad.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Good stuff, Joel. Thanks for the read.
May 28th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Absolutely phenomenal - evocative and lyrical. Loved it.
May 28th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I like the last line and the title. A good clear and simple story. Nice work.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
That is heart-breaking, but beautifully written.
Thank you.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Hi Joel,
transcendent! Definitely one of the best things I’ve read on EDF.
Cheers
Mark
May 30th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Just loved this. Beautiful sense of lost love echoing from the past. A very wistful story that really resonated with me.
Thanks so very much for the read.
Helena
May 30th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
A “heavy Sigh” story to be sure!
May 30th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I send signs to a childhood boyfriend. I hope he thinks of me as a sweet memory. I’d not add or take away a word in the story. Thank you for writing. Lynn Hesse
June 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Sad story that made me wonder what might have been.
Liked it lots and lots.
Thank you for writing it.
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:01 am
Brilliant!
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:44 am
Great job, Joel, loved it.
June 4th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
You really have a way with words Joel, I look forward to seeing more of your stories in the future. Thanks for a fantastic read.
June 5th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Beautiful story, more of these!
June 5th, 2008 at 3:08 am
Great story man, promise!
June 7th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Way to go Joel, seems like the right career is decided
June 7th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Oh yes! This sparked off some memories all right. You’ve worked a bit of magic here. Great work!!
June 7th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
What a beautiful story. Right up my street; short and sweet!
June 9th, 2008 at 1:51 am
A lovely story. The experiences we have at that point in our lives where dreams meet reality have the power to change us forever, I think, and you’ve captured that beautifully here.
June 9th, 2008 at 4:03 am
really enjoyed it. very evocative
June 13th, 2008 at 4:58 am
beautiful writing that made me feel wistful. And a good choice of subject as I think everyone’s experienced something a bit like this. Thanks author.
June 14th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Ah man that’s real touching. Great joel. Look forward to reading more of your stuff
June 14th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
That was wonderful, Joel.
Jennifer
June 16th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Shear genius!
June 17th, 2008 at 5:55 am
This is great; it’s a lovely, wistful, moving story of lost love and ‘what if’s’, I enjoyed it and felt a bit sad at the end.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:12 am
very sweet story
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:48 am
Great Story Joel. Some lovely lines and a superb opening with a superb ending.
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Nice work. Makes think of times ways back i dont think about for a long time. Thanks Man!
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
progressively beautiful…i left me wanting more! Keep writing son.
Mr Yu
June 25th, 2008 at 7:20 am
Wonderful Joel! Really nice words. Made me think of good times and sad times.
Thank you.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Hi Joel,
It’s a fine and delightful story, I was ‘taken’ in reading it.
Becca.
June 27th, 2008 at 6:31 am
You got a great way with words Joel. It’s a fantastic little story.
Kiitos B!
June 29th, 2008 at 9:08 am
A lovely, sensitive story beautifully written.
I was very touched with this. Thank you so much for it.
JV
June 30th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
A great story, I wish it was longer!
July 15th, 2008 at 4:36 am
A perfect little slice of fantastical memory, colored sweetly with bitterness. Part of me wished for them to find each other again by the storie’s end, but another part knew that would spoil it- they could never be the same, not even if they did meet again.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:13 am
A wonderful, sensitive story which I enjoyed reading so much especially as I knew you as a young boy,Joel. I could picture your face which helped bring the story to life for me. Well Done & Good Luck with all you do in the future.
July 26th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
[...] introduced the “star” rating system, our stories have received thousands of ratings. Some stories have received nearly 200 votes. We take your ratings into careful consideration when selecting new [...]
August 11th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Finally got around to commenting on this story. I’ve read this a few times (the author is my brother-in-law) and I’ve been very impressed every time. There’s something that makes me come back to this story.
Cool interview too, Joel. Congrats on getting the recognition you deserve as an excellent writer!