Hi! I’m Judy.
Ahmed? I’ve never met an Ahmed.
Haha — no, I’m not a supermodel. Or an actress or a dancer, though that’s what everyone thinks. I actually work at Regeneville.
Oh, I’m not a scientist or anything. I just do admin stuff. But I’m the first person you see when you walk into the lobby, so my boss said I should be demonstrating the product.
Yeah. Whatever I want done.
Oh no, it’s all natural. Do you know how it works?
Okay, so you’ve got a transporter, right? That breaks you down and sends you someplace as a beam of energy? Well, we just tweak how the beam reassembles. It’s a different way of using the same technology, but instead of going to the moon or something, you get instant plastic surgery. It’s awesome — nobody has to stay ugly anymore.
But why would you want to stay ugly?
What do you mean, who you are? You can always change who you are if you don’t like it.
What? No, not at all! Let me get my phone. Okay, here’s a picture of me before. ‘Barf’, right?
Huh? A picture of my mom? Um, okay… here’s one.
Well… no. I guess I don’t look like her, not anymore. But why would I want to?
But I know where I’m from. And isn’t family who you love, not who you look like?
Well, what kind of “unrecognizable” are you talking about?
Of course people react to me differently. That’s the whole point.
Well, I guess if they don’t talk to me anymore, they’re not really my friends then, huh?
Yeah… but you’re only talking to me because I’m hot, right?
– You’re walking away? But just look at me!
Were you even listening…?
KJ Kabza‘s flash fiction has appeared in print and throughout the web, in Flash Fiction Online, 580 Split, Brain Harvest, Every Day Fiction, and others. To read more of it (and other, longer work), he encourages you to harness the power of Google or visit kjkabza.com.
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23 Responses to “ONE-SIDED • by KJ Kabza”
Comments
« A Courteous Reminder… | Home | BLOSSOMS WEEP, SPIDERS FALL • by A.R. Williams »
February 10th, 2010 at 2:42 am
Excellent story. Thought provoking and cleverly crafted.
February 10th, 2010 at 3:00 am
Weird – and wonderful.
Good job
February 10th, 2010 at 4:17 am
Very clever use of an old science-fiction trope. Four stars.
February 10th, 2010 at 5:46 am
Liked it. Nice flash.
February 10th, 2010 at 6:51 am
Dialogue done very, very well.
February 10th, 2010 at 7:16 am
I found this a bit confusing for some reason. The SF idea was good, but there was a little too much explanation (exposition of the “As you already know, Professor …” sort). And then at the end, all that stuff about “do you still look like your mother …” didn’t really tie things up very well.
I think, in general, the idea of doing just one side of a conversation like this is tricky, and I don’t think the author quite pulled it off. Good try but no cigar.
February 10th, 2010 at 7:17 am
I like it.
February 10th, 2010 at 7:28 am
I enjoyed it. And I had no trouble following either the story or the POV of Ahmed. Congrats on making the “unheard” character have more depth than the MC. Good trick, and cleverly done.
February 10th, 2010 at 7:38 am
I don’t know how in the world the author managed to give Ahmed such a clear voice, considering we didn’t hear a word he said. That was rather masterful.
Great job!
February 10th, 2010 at 7:52 am
Beam me beautiful, Scotty.
–John
February 10th, 2010 at 7:54 am
This was a great story. I loved the format- one sided dialouge must be tricky, I’ve never tried writing it myself.
I loved the character of Judy, a shallow yet loveable mess and of course the moral of the story is something we should all keep in mind.
February 10th, 2010 at 7:59 am
Liked the style a lot. Nice take on the subject as well.
February 10th, 2010 at 8:03 am
Didn’t work for me, too simple, too predictable…
February 10th, 2010 at 8:07 am
Interesting “post dated” story of a head + flesh-and-blood speaking to a non-present but communicative flesh or head. Flesh that appears but possibly is not different after a change still adheres to family and those who love eachother can still go to the store together and pick out a new set of matching fleshes. I suppose these were some of the questions opened when the technique was new.
Story is very well crafted retro-sci-fi. Good dialogue.
February 10th, 2010 at 8:39 am
Definitely an entertaining read for me.
February 10th, 2010 at 8:45 am
Was attracted to the style of the first-person POV, although the story premise is a bit weak and the ending is more psycholgical than OMG surprise. Still, worth four stars for an adventuresome approach and the feeling I needed to read it a second and third time.
You have an energetic blogsite, too, KJ.
February 10th, 2010 at 8:51 am
Very clever!!!Good read and a great message regarding “plastic society.”
February 10th, 2010 at 9:05 am
After basking in the warm fuzzies of “The Small Print” it really isn’t fair to whatever story follows it. . .but, I will try to give a fair critique. However, the first thing that I was cdonfused about was ‘who’ the pov was talking to??? At first, I thought that she was on the telephone, then instant message, so when she states the other person is walking off it was jarring. Plus, why was she the only one that talked, if they were face to face? This story did not work as a flash for me because of the unanswered questions. 2 stars.
February 10th, 2010 at 10:55 am
Echo # 7 nn #13
read it three times.
Doesn’t work for me
makes no sense
1 *
February 10th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Like others, I got a little lost in the POV. I am always startled when I see dialog not in quotes, so that impacted how I viewed the story as well.
Still, the writing was very good, and writing an off screen character is as tough as it gets. I applaud the writer for the attempt.
A solid three.
February 10th, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Once I figured out we were in single person dialogue I went with the flow and enjoyed the story. My suggestion is to have the “unseen” character with a more common name. I got distracted with trying to figure out who he was.
“Harry? You’re the third Harry today.” Then on with the story.
February 10th, 2010 at 10:36 pm
Excellent. A nice step out of the box … a place where a lot of people struggle. Easy to follow and very readable. Great job.
5 tweaked transporters
February 11th, 2010 at 10:42 am
Four stars. The only line that was incongruent was “You’re walking away?” It seemed out of character and aimed more at the reader than Ahmed. It jarred enough to distract me from the ending.