The rain poured down as she climbed the front porch steps with trepidation. Runnels of water snaked down her bare neck through the rubberized collar of her storm coat. She gathered herself and rang his doorbell.
The door opened, and he looked at her, surprised. “Oh, hey. I didn’t expect you.” His hair was mussed in that painfully cute way she loved. She feared she looked like a drowned squirrel.
“I–,” she started. She stopped and summoned her courage. “I don’t want us to be ‘just a thing’ anymore. I want more.”
They talked for a while, there at the door. Finally, he closed the door and she sat down on the steps, rain running down her hair. The wet concrete of the steps soaked the seat of her jeans as she sat, face in her hands.
The door opened up. He came out with a raincoat on and his beat-up overnight bag over his shoulder. He hugged her tight, and said, “Let’s go someplace where it’s not raining.”
Ramon Rozas III writes in West Virginia. He has previously appeared in Leading Edge Magazine, Aoife’s Kiss and in EDF (twice!). He confesses that this is his first romance piece ever.
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14 Responses to “RAINDROPS LIKE COLD KISSES • by Ramon Rozas III”
Comments
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April 10th, 2008 at 3:06 am
Romance piece? All I know is it’s hard to dig a shallow grave in the rain. Just saying…
April 10th, 2008 at 5:37 am
Why didn’t he invite her in? Was there another woman inside the house? I think if he’d closed the door and left me in the rain, I’d be gone when he came back…just saying
April 10th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Awww, you guys are a tough audience! I really liked this, Ramon. I thought you managed to convey a great sense of setting and character. And, for all its brevity, you gave us a clear beginning, middle and end. I’d love to know more (like what was said in that conversation or why he didn’t invite her in), but I kinda like putting my own spin on events. Well done!
April 10th, 2008 at 6:37 am
I really like your title. Good titles are hard to come up with.
And I was glad that it seemed to end happy. I was worried for a minute there! Then again, maybe that tells more about me that I choose to believe it ended happily, LOL!
Anyway, I enjoyed it.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Maybe its just my surreal mind…but i condluded he was either a tramp who lived behind a door…(hmm) or his roof was leaking..
Im not sure what the shallow grave comment above meant, honestly. This was a nice story, i enjoyed it a lot..and it said a lot in a small amounts of words too
April 10th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I wondered why he left her outside as well – seemed like she’d given up in defeat, but then he comes out (thrown out? by the woman in the house?) and has her on the re-bound. Hmmm. At any rate, good writing. Kept me engaged.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Thank you for the comments, everyone! Some of the piece is supposed to be ambiguous, so I guess I achieved that goal.
In my mind its a happy ending, but you never know…Shallow grave? Hmm – maybe a sequel.
April 10th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
The prose here is excellent, and I quite liked the image you painted of the girl just sitting in the rain on the steps. But I have to admit that the whole story pretty much went over my head.
April 10th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Liked the title. The story didn’t have much stuff, I thought it could have revealed a little more, and the fact that he closed the door on her seems plotty and unnatural. Romance, especially requires the best honesty in the writing, it’s not as easy as it might seem.
April 11th, 2008 at 4:50 am
Short and sweet. I didn’t read much more into it other than she was probably not getting so wet under the porch and was probably only too wet to drip inside, so keep her out. If she wants more, like she says, then she can wait!
April 12th, 2008 at 5:16 am
Enjoyed the story but disliked his bad manners.
April 12th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Ha, reading these interpretations and complaints makes one laugh!
Nice, quick, hard-hitting tale steeped in pathos that ends pretty much however any reader would like it to. As said above, a nicely conveyed sense of place and character in a tight word count.
Keep writing romance Ramon, there will always be jilted readers!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:29 am
I liked that she stayed outside and that he closed the door. It gives us something to think about. Perhaps she wanted to stay outside to catch her breath and gather herself or perhaps the conversation ended ambigiously and as he closed the door he changed his mind and decided to join her after all. I like that Ramon left this up to us to figure out.
Good work – keep writing!
April 30th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
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