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Docking at the space station, Dex Branson momentarily forgot about the two-ton shark in the science bay. He was dreaming about cosmonaut Martina Voluskova, “with whom I shall soon rendezvous,” he chortled, eyeing his case of smuggled vodka.
Later, with the shark stowed, the vodka sampled, and Martina Voluskova purring by his side, Dex grinned. “Just you and me, baby. Three whole months!”
“Did you bring the Pringles like you promised?”
He pried open a massive crate to show her. “A three-month supply!” And they made love, drank vodka, and ate Pringles from sunset to sunrise — about forty minutes in orbit. Then they slept.
“Micrometeoroid.” Martina shook him awake. “It passed through the hull, piercing both the hydrogen and the oxygen tanks. The gases are mixing.”
“Not good.” Dex stared at the rising water.
“It gets worse; the shark tank shattered.”
“Don’t worry.” Dex remembered his biology classes. “A shark is a saltwater fish. It can’t survive in fresh water.”
They watched in horror as the Pringles salted up the water.
“What do we do now?” Martina trembled.
Dex caught the dorsal fin out of the corner of his eye. “We swim,” he yelled.
William Doonan is an archaeologist and a mystery writer. His novels Grave Passage and Mediterranean Grave recount the adventures of octogenarian detective Henry Grave, who investigates crimes on cruise ships. He also writes a serialized horror blog — The Mummies of Blogspace 9. If you thought the internet was safe from the undead, you were wrong!
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SHARK ORBIT • by William Doonan,
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18 Responses to “SHARK ORBIT • by William Doonan”
Comments
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July 30th, 2012 at 4:24 am
Simple. Hilarious. To the point. I love it.
July 30th, 2012 at 5:54 am
Nice way to start the week — with a laugh! Enjoyed this.
July 30th, 2012 at 7:28 am
Hilarious. The Pringles salted up the water. I laughed out loud when I read that.
July 30th, 2012 at 7:50 am
Love it! Not a wasted word, and I didn’t see it coming.
July 30th, 2012 at 8:21 am
This made my morning. Awesome humor flash. I wholeheartedly approve of the Space Shark.
July 30th, 2012 at 8:58 am
Delightful.
July 30th, 2012 at 9:42 am
So fast I almost missed it. Good job!
July 30th, 2012 at 10:18 am
Why was I reminded of James Bond?
A fun read.
July 30th, 2012 at 10:33 am
I started off reading this thinking how cheesy it was, what with the sleazy protagonist and his exotically named companion. By the time it got to “have you brought the Pringles?”, I was ready to write it off.
I take it all back. The end of this story had me laughing out loud – it’s so ridiculously fun and silly, what’s not to love?
July 30th, 2012 at 11:39 am
Cheeky. Fabulous. Nonsense! Nothing else needed Mr Doonan, James Doonan, Double-O – hang on, isn’t that Scotty, give or take?
July 30th, 2012 at 12:31 pm
Pringles and vodka? What a combination! Beam me up, William. Funny story.
July 30th, 2012 at 3:06 pm
Vodka? What brand of vodka? Too cute!
July 30th, 2012 at 3:42 pm
Ha! Short and very sweet. Nice job!
July 30th, 2012 at 5:19 pm
Ha ha! Thanks for this! Happy Monday!
July 30th, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Great story! A true winner.
July 30th, 2012 at 6:49 pm
Aren’t pringles cans watertight
August 2nd, 2012 at 9:10 pm
The complete inlogicality and siliness of the scenario cracked a smile on my face.
February 25th, 2013 at 6:41 am
Short, sweet, silly with a touch of romance and science. What more could a girl desire? Great story.