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SHE’S A BITER • by Stephanie Kincaid

I think Grandma is a zombie. She never talks; she just kind of grunts and moans. She also smells really bad, and she slobbers a lot. It’s not that big of a change, really. But I’m still pretty sure she’s a zombie.

I don’t say anything about it to Mom and Dad, because I don’t think I’m supposed to know. Adults think kids are so dumb. Unobservant, that’s what they think I am. Bet they don’t even know I know that word. I have a lot of time to read, hiding in the basement all day, and I learn all kinds of words.

For instance, I learned that another thing you can call a zombie is a revenant, which means somebody who comes back from the dead.  You’d think that would be a good thing, since you’d get to see family and friends you haven’t seen in a while, with them not being alive and all.  But when the dead people started coming back, they didn’t want friends anymore.  They just wanted dinner.

That’s why we live in the basement. The zombies think the house is empty, because nothing ever moves up there, and they can’t hear us or smell us down here. Mom and Dad bought a lot of canned food when the news stories about the zombies started, so we have plenty, at least for now. Mom makes some kind of smoothie for Grandma in the blender every night. I don’t know what’s in it, but it looks nasty, and it smells worse.

Dad thinks somebody is going to find a cure someday. He says the government knew about the disease before it ever got out, and they might even have an antidote already, just not enough to fix everybody yet. Mom says Dad is full of it. I don’t know what “it” is, but it doesn’t sound good.

I think that’s why he brought Grandma down here. When we started living in the basement, he went to the nursing home and came back with Grandma. That was when I first thought she might be a zombie. He’d never made her ride in the trunk before. I think Dad hopes that if we keep Grandma down here, she won’t get shot for biting people, and the doctors will be able to make her better someday.

Grandma is very cold, and her skin feels icky and fake, but I kiss her goodnight anyway. Even though I’d bet a whole year’s allowance that she’s a zombie, she’s really well behaved. She’s never tried to bite me or Dad, and she’s only tried to bite Mom once or twice. (Mom says “See, I knew she never approved of me.”) She mainly wanders around stumbling into things. She doesn’t even mind if I make her up like a clown with Mom’s makeup. Mom isn’t wild about that, though.

The most interesting thing about Grandma, back when she was alive, was her teeth. The first time she took them out, I was awestruck. Awestruck is what you are when people do amazing things like taking the teeth out of their heads or coming back from the dead… although that one isn’t that impressive anymore. Anyway, that’s why even though I secretly know that Grandma is a zombie, I’m not afraid of her. I don’t know where Dad hid her teeth, and neither does Grandma.


Stephanie Kincaid is a California transplant who now resides in Oklahoma with her calamity-prone but much loved husband. She enjoys everything from great literature to terrible horror movies.

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SHE'S A BITER • by Stephanie Kincaid, 3.9 out of 5 based on 99 ratings
Posted on February 25, 2010 in Horror, Humour/Satire, Stories
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44 Responses to “SHE’S A BITER • by Stephanie Kincaid”


  1. Paul A. Freeman Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 1:26 am

    Great story. Loved the POV.

  2. Christopher Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 2:29 am

    Good voice.

  3. Christopher Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 2:31 am

    There seems to be a typo in the second line of the second to the last paragraph: “Even thought…” should be “Even though,” shouldn’t it? You can delete this message once it’s corrected (if it is indeed a mistake), if you like.

  4. Rumjhum Biswas Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 2:35 am

    I enjoyed this, especially the end, even though in the beginning it reminded me of that Will Smith Starrer – “legend” I think it was called?

  5. Cat Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 3:31 am

    😀 I *love* this. The bit with the dad thinking about the government put me in mind of World War Z, and the concept of Grandma being a “good” zombie brought to mind the end of Shaun of the Dead. The kid’s voice was fantastic, too. Excellent work, well done.

    PS. Rumjhum, the film is called I Am Legend.

  6. Bob Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 4:02 am

    It’s cute, and it’s well-written. It’s the cleverest zombie story I’ve seen in a long while.

    . . . but it’s still a zombie story.

  7. Debi Blood Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 6:21 am

    Fabulously clever! I love the way the Stephanie conveyed the chilly relationship between mother- and daughter-in-law without specifically addressing it.

    The best zombie story I’ve read in longer than I can remember!

  8. Shelle Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 6:41 am

    haha – great, consistent, entertaining POV! I loved the punchline.

  9. Luana Krause Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 6:53 am

    Loved it! You nailed the POV character…drew me in right away. I didn’t want it to end. Great job!

  10. J.C. Towler Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Well conceived and a clever plot twist with grandma’s teeth. The influence of the “terrible horror movies” is clear, though without the associated terrible writing.

    Enjoyed,

    –John

  11. tigerlily Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Great story, a zombie tale with a difference. 5 stars.

  12. Cindy Lu Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 7:25 am

    I never get tired of zombie stories. I did have this big question in my mind about why they let grandma wonder around, then you answered it perfectly: Grandma had no teeth. Brilliant.
    I like the way the POV stays in character. Nice. Writing like a child isn’t easy.
    Only one question: How come the zombies couldn’t hear them or smell them? The story needs one little sentence of explanation there.

  13. Douglas Campbell Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 8:16 am

    This is really funny and cute – nice work!

  14. Tonia Brown Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 8:27 am

    Brilliant! Effing brilliant! Lovely story with a strong POV and great voice. Excellent!

  15. Roberta SchulbergGoro Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 8:33 am

    Excellent writing in the idiomatic speech of a youngster who, with the overactive imagination of a restricted child, doesn’t yet realize that his swinger grandma, no longer having the energy to get attention her old way, does it another.

  16. Margie Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 8:35 am

    I am sooooooo tired of zombie stories, but, this one actually made me laugh. A zombie with missing dentures! How great is that?!!

  17. Goatboy Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 8:48 am

    hahaahahah Loved it!!! Poor dead nanny gum gums hahah

  18. Pete Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 9:05 am

    Nicely done. 5 stars

  19. Bill Webb Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 9:26 am

    Another four stars story. Thanks I can relate except I haven’t lost my teeth yet!

  20. Ian Carter Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 9:44 am

    I love this story. At last, a zombie story with a difference. I notice the typo that Christopher mentioned hasn’t been fixed yet. It must be “though”, as “thought” doesn’t make sense.
    But apart from that, three thumbs up! (My two and one from the revenant next door.)

  21. Patrick D'Orazio Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 10:00 am

    Cute little story! Can you actually say that about a zombie story? Well, whatever, I just did. 😉

  22. Phot's Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Excellent!

  23. Camille Gooderham Campbell Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 11:04 am

    Typo fixed; thanks to Christopher and Ian for noticing it.

  24. Kendra Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    I loved this. Thanks for making me laugh, and a bigger thank you for a really great zombie story.

  25. Jennifer Griffith Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    This was great–engaging, funny, and a ‘must-share’!

  26. laura Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    fun read. thanks for sharing. i would only suggest some dialog up top and througout to intersperse with the narrative, maybe with grandma? very cool point of view. love the kid’s take on vocab and naivete.

  27. Autumn Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 3:52 pm

    Great Story! Loved every bite of it!

  28. Jen Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    I’m not usually a fan if zombie stories, but I loved this one. It reminded me of my favouite zombie movie “Fido.” The way the author capyured a child’s voice and point of view was great. I think the story would’ve been just as good without the denture pubchline though.

  29. john cocktosten Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    out fucking standinbd!!!!! their just arnt enough stars to heap upon this little one!

  30. john cocktosten Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    standing that is sorry stroke victim !

  31. John Says:
    February 25th, 2010 at 11:09 pm

    Excellent little story! Thanks. It was very entertaining.

  32. Marian Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 7:58 am

    My creative writing students enjoyed your story. They found it a bit confusing at times, but overall — liked the point of view and the zombie concept. :~)

  33. Kahleen Cassen Mickelson Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    This was a riot! Perfect for a Friday after lunch….

  34. Rob Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 7:12 am

    Gave me a good laugh this morning.

  35. Shelley Dayton Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Hilarious! I just had my wisdoms out, so I guess I’d be less of a threat, too. :)

  36. Scott Walker Says:
    March 17th, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Well Done! Nicely woven, whimsical tapestry…an excellent example of the adolescent thought process. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

  37. GENRE « FictionDaily Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 4:33 am

    […] In Genre on June 10, 2010 at 7:30 am I think Grandma is a zombie… […]

  38. Why Zombies? – Part 2 Says:
    June 25th, 2010 at 10:36 am

    […] Dead Set and Living Dead Press’s Book of the Dead Volume 3, as well as at Everyday Fiction (http://www.everydayfiction.com/shes-a-biter-by-stephanie-kincaid/). More of Stephanie’s zombie fare will appear in the upcoming Moron’s Guide to the Inevitable […]

  39. Podcast EDF032: Shes A Biter • written by Stephanie Kincaid • read by Bob Eccles | Every Day Fiction - The once a day flash fiction magazine. Says:
    July 12th, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    […] EDF032: Shes A Biter written by Stephanie Kincaid read by Bob Eccles “Shes A Biter” was originally published in EDF on February 25, […]

  40. Why Zombies Part 3 Says:
    August 20th, 2010 at 9:12 am

    […] Dead Set and Living Dead Press’s Book of the Dead Volume 3, as well as at Everyday Fiction (http://www.everydayfiction.com/shes-a-biter-by-stephanie-kincaid/). More of Stephanie’s zombie fare will appear in the upcoming Moron’s Guide to the Inevitable […]

  41. Why Zombies? Part 3 | Jonathan Maberry's Big Scary Blog Says:
    July 24th, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    […] Dead Set and Living Dead Press’ Book of the Dead Volume 3, as well as at Everyday Fiction (http://www.everydayfiction.com/shes-a-biter-by-stephanie-kincaid/). More of Stephanie’s zombie fare will appear in the upcoming Moron’s Guide to the […]

  42. Why Zombies? – Part 2 | Jonathan Maberry's Big Scary Blog Says:
    July 24th, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    […] Dead Set and Living Dead Press’s Book of the Dead Volume 3, as well as at Everyday Fiction (http://www.everydayfiction.com/shes-a-biter-by-stephanie-kincaid/). More of Stephanie’s zombie fare will appear in the upcoming Moron’s Guide to the […]

  43. From the EDF Archives: She’s a Biter « Flash Fiction Chronicles Says:
    October 5th, 2014 at 1:00 am

    […] highly susceptible to–ah–overkill. Stephanie Kincaid’s delightful zombie story She’s a Biter (2/25/10) keeps the mayhem offstage and gives us the nice multi-generational family with a […]

  44. Month in Review: October « Flash Fiction Chronicles Says:
    November 9th, 2014 at 1:00 am

    […] Sarah Crysl Akhtar went back into the EDF Archive to bring us a wonderfully palatable tale called She’s a Biter. From the perspective of a child, we learn about family ties. And zombies. The story was close to […]

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