I was napping on the couch when the phone rang. In the background I heard metal clanking, men huffing and grunting in anguished release. My wife Pauline was on the line, laughing with a man whose voice I didn’t recognize. I interrupted them when I said, “Honey?”
Pauline sighed. “I’m staying late at the gym.”
I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks. I used to meet Pauline after work, and we’d discuss our days lounging side-by-side on recumbent bikes. I was content with our routine, but Pauline must have needed something more exhilarating. I found her straddling the elliptical trainer one night, on her back pumping dumbbells the next.
One day I forgot my gym shorts and swung by the house. I rested a moment on the couch, waking two hours later from the most refreshing nap I’d ever taken. After that, I needed a nap every day. Pauline hit the gym without me. Her limbs grew lean and corded with muscle.
“That’s too bad,” I said. “I was hoping we could eat together, maybe — ”
“Eat without me. I’m spotting my partner, I’ve gotta go.”
“Partner?” I asked the dead connection.
***
Temptation Burger was three blocks away, near the old creamery. I could have walked but I drove, alarmed by the seatbelt’s grip on my gut. At the drive-thru speaker I ordered a salad.
“Our special today is the Bacon Temptation with fries.” This girl’s voice was so enticing that I wanted what she was offering instead. I ordered the Bacon Temptation, and when she suggested I upsize my order for a dollar more, I didn’t hesitate.
I pulled up to the window. The girl leaned out, twisting her necklace around a fingernail studded with stick-on gems. I paid, and when she returned my change, that fingernail lingered in my palm. It felt like a condiment packet scratching my skin, and instinctively I squeezed it. She didn’t seem to mind.
She handed me a bag that was too hot to cradle. The drink she gave me was solid and thick. “I know you ordered a diet,” she said. “I substituted a shake instead. Hope that’s okay.”
I forced my best smile. “It’s okay with me, sweetheart, but let’s keep it our little secret.”
Good Lord! I gritted my teeth when I heard myself. I averted my eyes, considered driving away, but gathered my nerve and turned back to apologize.
“It’s all right.” The girl smiled coyly and pointed at my dinner. “Everything you came here for is all right there, in your lap.”
I parked at the old creamery, beneath a mural of cows masticating their cud in an open field. I unwrapped my burger and chewed back at them. A man parked nearby, and then another, each with dinner in a steaming bag, both of them the type of old man I seemed set on becoming. We were our own herd of masticators, solemnly chewing, dreaming of naptime, milkshakes, and gem-studded fingers.
Greg Likins is a mild-mannered public librarian residing somewhere near Boise, Idaho.
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33 Responses to “TEMPTATION DRIVE-THRU • by Greg Likins”
Comments
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March 7th, 2011 at 1:32 am
The Devil comes in many guises. Gym partner! Take away waitress! What a weird piece of writing. Love it!
March 7th, 2011 at 1:58 am
Love the way it leads you to her ‘affair’ then takes you to his eating habits and their drifting apart, with both of them addicted to apomorphine and easily tempted away from each other. Love the details; nails and cows. Gentle and wistful. A salutary warning against eating burgers. Made me want to get down the gym, but then I thought Uh, what a struggle, got to get out of bed.
March 7th, 2011 at 2:17 am
Ditto Paul!
March 7th, 2011 at 2:50 am
Not much point, but enjoyable in its way. I thought the elliptical trainer was the gym instructor at first read!
March 7th, 2011 at 4:02 am
I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks! Temptation is something we face day by day and it has millions and millions of forms in our lives. Affair and eating habits … great combination. It’s so real.
March 7th, 2011 at 5:04 am
Right on the money.
Five stars.
March 7th, 2011 at 6:18 am
Entertaining, with its blatantly suggestive imagry and subtle warnings of indulgence. Well done.
March 7th, 2011 at 6:58 am
Very well written and a fairly entertaining story. Somehow, though, it just didn’t hit the spot for me. I expected something a bit more at the end.
March 7th, 2011 at 7:05 am
Witty and sad, all at the same time. A wonderful read, thank you!
March 7th, 2011 at 7:52 am
Somehow going through a drive-through will never be the same again. Loved the story, loved the writing.
That’s a double two and a half stars, plus shake to go.
March 7th, 2011 at 8:08 am
I now must give much concentration to the way I chew my drive-thru hamburger to keep from ‘masticating’ it….
March 7th, 2011 at 8:14 am
This was a great story. I felt like I was seeing into this man’s life for just one day. I think in the end he knows his wife is probably cheating but in the end he can’t make his own move on the waitress. That’s sort of sweet, even though it’s sad at the same time.
March 7th, 2011 at 8:25 am
I love this piece. I could just picture this couple in my mind coming home to each other after thier guilty little pleasures. I think you did a great job.
March 7th, 2011 at 9:25 am
Awesome story. One of my favorites on Everyday Fiction by a mile.
March 7th, 2011 at 9:42 am
Excellent writing, Greg. ^ Five.
March 7th, 2011 at 10:25 am
Simply brilliant writing.
March 7th, 2011 at 10:36 am
A funny, gentle look at human nature, how our hungers cause us to give in so easily to temptation. Nicely done!
March 7th, 2011 at 11:17 am
Great story! I loved the images you conjured up for me when I read this! It had a little humor, little sadness, and was something we all can relate to at some level. Loved it – 5 stars for me!
March 7th, 2011 at 12:13 pm
‘I unwrapped my burger and chewed back at them.’ Given that he was eating beef (cow), I thought this line was very apt!
March 7th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
“We were our own herd of masticators,…” Brilliant stuff!!! Every word put to use, wonderful craft used to great effect!
March 7th, 2011 at 2:19 pm
The word “masticating” (much like that Billy Joel song “Light as the Breeze”) falls into the very narrow category of “just dirty enough.”
A great piece! Congrats!
March 7th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
i liked the chewing back at the cows line…i like the sound of his wife too.
March 7th, 2011 at 2:46 pm
Well Sandra #7, looks like we’re the only two
not totally appreciating this piece.
Guess you can’t please all the readers all of the time!!!
Sorry only 2 stars
Hmmm Maybe it’s the heat here in San Jose del Cabo
March 7th, 2011 at 2:57 pm
Personally I have to give the wife more credit. They were both going to the GYM, but he’s the one who dropped out, and she’s at least considerate enough to call and say she’ll be late. Also, spotting a partner, even a male partner, does not automatically me sex or an affair. So I’m just saying.
March 7th, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Haha! I loved it!
March 8th, 2011 at 6:33 am
I’m not sure of what the message to this story is. Is it about old males being put out to pasture while daydreaming about affairs with young fast-food workers; while also being cuckholded by their hot wives at the gym? The writing is good-ish, but not good enough for me! Sorry, I can only deem two stars to this sad little scenerio. Some gratuitous sex with the hot cheating wife may have helped. But maybe that’s just me. LOL!
March 8th, 2011 at 9:49 am
I think the point is that these occurances happen all the time, and the story is how the man chooses to react. Will he confront his wife? No. Seduce a girl? No. He might consider both, but ends up accepting (maybe embracing?) the slide into old man-hood.
March 8th, 2011 at 4:11 pm
Well done.
March 8th, 2011 at 11:06 pm
Very well written, the man felt very real. I liked how it showed how thin the line is between being fit and resisting temptaion versus giving in.
March 9th, 2011 at 8:18 am
Will there be a follow-up? I want the narrator and the drive-thru gal to get it on in the walk-in. Just kidding. I love this writing. Would like to see more from this guy.
March 12th, 2011 at 3:40 pm
A tight little tale which makes excellent use of inner and external dialogue to tell the story. I loved the “masticating cows”, and the parallel of the “old men”, and how the narrator–accurately so–see himself joining the herd. Mr. Likins has deftly painted us a “moment in the life” of inner doubt, a moment of realization that something has eluded us, or rather we’ve eluded it and have taken the easier path. While the sexual innuendos and wordplay are fun, this story works on a deeper level too, giving us something to ponder as we allow our own defeats, large and small, to conquer us. Great tale!
March 24th, 2011 at 9:05 am
[...] Read the entire short story here or visit the author’s website. [...]
April 7th, 2011 at 10:24 pm
Awesome. I think the biggest compliment is when people can’t pinpoint why they don’t like it, only that they just vaguely didn’t, which means it’s probably got nothing to do with the quality of writing or story-telling, and is perhaps just an arbitrary, subjective sort of thing. Tight, controlled, entertaining writing, I give it 5 starts, a unicorn kiss and three 3′s.