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In the scintillating mystique of the coming night, the two squid people saunter through the city park. Amid their hundreds of writhing tentacles, two intertwine. Suction cups to suction cups. At this meeting point between them, their five chambered hearts bleed into the same throbbing pulse.
They find a lovely bench beneath a lamppost where they sit and squish their bodies together, side by side. Through the little wriggles of their hundreds of tentacles, they whisper touching secrets.
“I want to be connected to you like this forever,” says the one. “Forever, forever.”
“You know we can’t,” says the other. “You know, you know.” It says this because they both have an even number of tentacles. In the city of squid people, citizens live by the law that odds go with evens and evens with odds. It’s only natural. Good, common sense.
And so they sit on the bench in the secret of the night as their scandalous tentacles writhe and twist in the breeze. Intertwining. Mingling. Feeling. Sinning. They press their squishy bodies together until it feels like they’ll pop. Until their hundreds of tentacles ache with fatigue and the dawn breaks. And the city wakes. And the world moves forward. And they are torn apart. Tentacle from longing tentacle, feeling through the empty air, desperate and incomplete.
Gale Haut has a forthcoming poem in Bull Spec magazine, which is a really nice publication started by Sam Montgomery. Gale has also completed an interstitial novel for teens, which puts Gale in the market for an agent.
GD Star Rating
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39 Responses to “TENTACULAR • by Gale Haut”
Comments
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July 8th, 2011 at 1:13 am
This was enchanting. I love the way it can be read as pure poetic fantasy, or as a surreal allegory.
July 8th, 2011 at 1:26 am
Sci-fi and fantasy pieces typically are written to give us a different view of human nature. I don’t see anything different here, though I could be missing something. Insert the names Bill and Mary and what have you got? Some pretty writing of a fairly pedestrian love story.
July 8th, 2011 at 2:17 am
I really felt for your love-struck creatures, the tragedy of their forbidden love. Their means of communicating their feelings was unique and beautifully depicted. An enjoyable read to the very last word. Wish there had been a little more.
July 8th, 2011 at 2:19 am
I love how you’ve created such a forbidden act between two unlikely characters. I’d like to see it expanded with you delving deeper into squid societal behaviors. Overall, really enjoyed the brief fantastical tale.
July 8th, 2011 at 2:43 am
I love your use of language. It’s quite descriptive.
July 8th, 2011 at 3:03 am
It’s Romeo and Juliet with rules instead of families. I loved this. I loved the scandalous tentacles, and the fact that odd can only go with even. It’s so sad, but at least they have one night together. Well done Gale. And well done EDF.
July 8th, 2011 at 3:42 am
A second story about squid. I wonder whether squid are becoming the new ‘meerkats’.
(Maybe that remark has no currency in the US though)
A sweet story with nice phrasing. I feel for them. Thank you.
July 8th, 2011 at 4:33 am
Hey Telliot! Excellent little story. I really enjoyed the poetic feel of this. Sad, though. I wanted more. Miss you over at WD.
July 8th, 2011 at 4:33 am
I enjoyed it.
I liked the two loved-up squidses (OMG, you’ve got me playing around with plural nouns!), and the atmosphere was well conveyed for such a short piece. Good Flash.
Well done!
July 8th, 2011 at 4:51 am
I rather agree with fishlovesca here.
July 8th, 2011 at 5:17 am
It made me smile. Vivid picture of forbidden squid love. If one were willing to have a tentacle chopped off, there should be a hope of happiness.
I also like how they’re not depicted as any type of gender.
Wonderful flow of words, really enjoyed it. Cheers.
July 8th, 2011 at 5:53 am
While this is adequately written, I see no story. “Forbidden love” between squids in a fully cliched park bench environment.
One star.
But the writing itself is fine.
July 8th, 2011 at 6:01 am
I loved this beautiful allegory.
I’m afraid fishlovesca and Erin missed the point.
“In the city of squid people, citizens live by the law that odds go with evens and evens with odds. It’s only natural.”
You can’t insert the names Bill and Mary. You have to insert the names Bill and Bill.
July 8th, 2011 at 6:10 am
Since the piece relies on just the one symbol, the same number of tentacles, I didn’t feel like there was a lot of ground covered (though what was covered was covered beautifully). With there just being that one line, the allegory felt a bit overt to me. Bill and Bill, indeed.
Then again, the allegory was also used succinctly, subtly, rather than being drawn out showing various and sundry orientation intolerance examples (but with squids). So, points for that. And the tentacles did offer a wonderful opportunity to signify longing, connection, and love.
I went three stars.
July 8th, 2011 at 6:33 am
I really wanted to like this, but a bit too whimsical for me. Sorry. Cephalopods are just not my thing I guess.
Two stars..
July 8th, 2011 at 6:40 am
I enjoyed this. Didn’t catch the squids sexual orientation the first time, but it does pique intrigue with the “forbidden love” angle.
July 8th, 2011 at 6:41 am
Lovely writing and unique allegory. I respect the creativity behind this.
July 8th, 2011 at 6:56 am
This was a beautiful story. The last line is perfect. A sad story that should leave me feeling depressed, and yet it doesn’t because it’s so fun to read. I want more.
July 8th, 2011 at 7:38 am
Didn’t quite feel all the things that were being stated, the longing, desperation, scandalous. It felt, without those charged words there to explain, I wouldn’t have known (meaning it was all direct, expositoryly explained context for me, with little subtext). As well, I found it a bit to typical and expected both in general compared to themes/subjects I’ve read about before and for the story. The story itself felt like it was going exactly where it was going the entire time, and wasn’t so interesting in getting there that it kept me on the edge of my seat. Rather, I read, knowing in the end there would be some statement declaring the story a tragedy, when it didn’t exactly feel like one. More dialog, would have given the chance for more subtext, I believe, and would have been stronger than simply having the narrator come in to explain in what I felt was a ‘you see, dear reader, this situation is thus’ sort of way. I wanted characters that felt and lived the weight of their situation, instead of needing it explained by a narrator.
Taking risks wins points, though.
And great language besides the few charged words doing too much (hearts bleeding into the same pulse told me far more about their love and the mood of tragedy than a stating they felt incomplete when pulled apart, for instance; the first being a representation of existence, the latter just feeling like information). More trust in good language that builds meaning through subtext, creating the mood/feeling/presence of this world and characters, instead of a distant narrator explaining it all, would have gotten 5 stars from me. As such, though. 3.5, rounded to a generous 4.
July 8th, 2011 at 8:15 am
Wow. I was expecting a short humorous squid love story and instead ended up with a beautiful forbidden love story, filled with allegory on the way society treat same-sex couples.
Five stars.
July 8th, 2011 at 8:32 am
@13, Okay, that does open it up quite a bit. Forbidden love of another sort. Think I got hung up on the squids since we’d already had squids earlier in the week. But actually squid is perfect for this story. Thanks!
July 8th, 2011 at 9:28 am
Maybe I’m a nerd, but I like my stories to be based on science. I know it’s fiction, but I’m impressed when someone can take something true in our natural world and build the allegories/lessons/meanings from there. And some of the ‘science’ in this story felt odd to me from what I remember from my limited lessons on squids in biology classes.
Do squids really have a single 5 chambered heart? Seems what I found says 3 hears, one 3 chambered, so I guess possibly 5 chambers overall, spread among three hearts.
Do male and female squid really have different number of tentacles? Stuff I’ve found says they all have the same, though I suppose there’s the implied ‘nineth’ tentacle for the boys, ahem.
And before anyone takes offense, saying I’m a pedant and just being needlessly critical, like I said, for me personally I like when writers take truths from our natural world and build meaning out of it. Just making up details, if that’s what’s happening here, makes the story have a bit less of an impact.
You know, if you tell a story how leopards got their spots, I find in charming and interesting. If you tell a story about how leopards got their stripes, and then explain it’s a fictional story on a different planet so that detail was just made up, then, for me personally, the story isn’t quite as charming.
Not an expert on squid, but some of the ‘is that really true’ facts of this story had me wondering, and found some conflicting information.
July 8th, 2011 at 9:59 am
Lovely, bittersweet tale that holds up a mirror to the arbitrary rules our own society makes. I agree that the ‘you see, reader’ narrative style created some distance, but I also thought it suited the fable/parable style so it worked well for me.
I hope those two crazy squid can make it
July 8th, 2011 at 10:29 am
it’s almost as if this story is referring to something other than itself. perhaps something in the real world like a situation of some kind, maybe even some issue of contention among people in our world, some issue that divides people and generates endless debate. hmmm, what could it be?
nicely done.
July 8th, 2011 at 10:37 am
@22 I think squid which live in the sea have 3 hearts, but the squid which live in my local park only have one. Or so they told me. Although, when I asked if I could count their tentacles, they said, ‘Don’t be so rude!’ and got very angry, so they could have been lying about their heart or hearts, I don’t know.
The first 8 words confused me, then I realised it’s sunset. Beautiful.
July 8th, 2011 at 10:49 am
this was FUN to read! a good joke and a good metaphor. You’ve started me thinking about all combinations of odds and evens.So sexy! So squishy!
July 8th, 2011 at 10:54 am
It is rather smutty, and I know get why squids were used for the story!
Whoops, three comments, think I am over my limit.
July 8th, 2011 at 10:55 am
*now get why, sorry for the typo.
Four comments, am on the brink.
July 8th, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I get the meaning of the story, and I like the use of repetitious fragments in the last paragraph, but I couldn’t get past the “squid people” thing. I guess fantasy isn’t for me.
July 8th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
I see where commenters talking about this not breaking any ground are coming from–that didn’t bother me because of the length. A longer piece might have worn on me.
Though I’m usually hard on stories with a “gimmick,” I gave Gale five stars for tight writing and perfect pacing.
July 8th, 2011 at 7:18 pm
In only 4 paragraphs, this writer created a whole new world and characters I cared about. That’s not easy to do. 5 stars.
July 8th, 2011 at 7:29 pm
It’s been a learning experience seeing so much feedback all at once. I appreciate all of the kind comments and constructive criticism. And I’m glad that I was able to participate on this remarkable web site.
July 9th, 2011 at 8:31 am
After reading the first paragraph, I was ambivalent about this story. By the end of the fourth, I was touched by the plight of these star-crossed squid people and hoped they’d rise up with other even-even and odd-odd couples in their equivalent of the Stonewall riots.
As for specifics, I would have liked some of the descriptions to be a little more detailed. There’s a lot of potential here to create a really interesting world for readers to explore.
I love the matter-of-fact tone you used, and I think the final paragraph is excellent. The bit that most resonated with me overall was “They press their squishy bodies together until it feels like they’ll pop.” That’s a very tender, true description of feeling an insatiable craving to be close to the one you love. You captured that experience in one sentence.
Also, I assumed the five chambered hearts were an evolutionary adaptation prompted by the habitat of the squid people’s own world.
Four stars for making readers care about the civil rights and romantic attachments of tentacled chimeras. I’d love to read more.
July 10th, 2011 at 5:39 am
A simple & bittersweet way to express predjudices in society and the longings created by such attitudes for those who cannot break free.
July 10th, 2011 at 8:58 am
5 stars
This is a gem!!
and all those comments
WOW !!!!
Good job Gale !!!
July 10th, 2011 at 11:14 pm
An expanded version of this story would make a fine, Animal Farm-style fable. The allegorical aspects of this piece are very thought-provoking.
July 11th, 2011 at 8:22 am
I’m a sucker for forbidden love, and I like it even more for its allegory feel. Well done!
July 11th, 2011 at 8:28 am
I’m seeing a lot of names on here from one of my old online stomping grounds… You guys have always been very support. I <3 and miss you all!
July 19th, 2011 at 2:29 pm
Nice Y/A feel to it, very sweet in a teen-love way.