Ah, that’s lot 21C, the sleeping knight. He’s a grand specimen, don’t you agree? The flowing sable hair, the stoic jaw, the broad shoulders, the well-defined calves – and he comes with his own shield and broadsword.
He’s easy to care for, so don’t worry your pretty little head on that account. The sleeping magics slow his metabolism, so it costs little to feed him. A bowl of gruel or broth once a fortnight will keep him in tiptop shape. Just press the spoon to his lips, and he’ll swallow. It’s an automatic reflex.
The armor does need tending on occasion. Assuming you don’t leave him outside in the rain, a light polish once a month should keep it fresh and rust-free. You can trim his hair or not, as you prefer. Myself, I’m partial to the rugged, shaggy look.
What? Oh, yes, originally he came with a horse. Quite a beauty — long, white mane and a gently dappled coat. I believe he called it Lightening. Sadly, the sleeping spell didn’t affect the knight’s mount, so it eventually passed away. The price for the lot has been lowered to compensate.
Wake him up? Well, anything’s possible. Read that plaque on the side of his palanquin. True love’s kiss is supposed to end his eternal slumber. A bit cliché, in my opinion, but what does a mere merchant know about phrasing a good spell? I have always wondered what would happen if he woke up. Would he revert to his true age? An octogenarian knight would be little in the way of defense. And I can’t even imagine poor Gavin with wrinkles and a receding hairline.
I can tell you that since my father’s time, no true love has appeared, and this fellow has been smooched more than any other unconscious man I know. The sleeping woodsman at the stall down the way? Not nearly as popular. Not as handsome, either, but don’t tell Bertha I said so.
Personally, I think Gavin is better suited as a conversation piece. Real knights are boors — they eat too much, drink too much, and their heads are too easily turned by a pert barmaid or a buxom wench.
With this fellow on display — perhaps in a glass case in your drawing room — imagine the compliments you’ll garner at your next soiree. He might even help you rise to the next social echelon. Look at that stoic profile in repose. I’m sure even royalty would attend your gathering if he’s the guest of honor.
No, dear, you cannot kiss the knight without proof of purchase in the form of money in my hands. I’m afraid I must insist. What kind of businesswoman would I be otherwise?
Oh, please don’t cry. All right, you’ve appealed to my better nature. Give me half of the fee now — nonrefundable, of course — and you may kiss those chiseled lips just the once. However, if he doesn’t wake up and propose marriage, I’m not liable.
Hush, people! It’s just a noble girl kissing a sleeping night. Nothing to see here — move along, unless you’re interested in some jeweled palm frond headdresses or a peacock feather fan. I also have some lovely apples enchanted to taste like grapes. They’re delicious!
I’m sorry, dear, but the kiss doesn’t take time to “set in”, as you say. If you were Gavin’s true love, the pair of you would be dancing off into the sunset by now, probably not even bemoaning his lack of a horse, and I would be out half of my fee, not to mention the cost of all that gruel. Alas, you must not be his true love. However, you can own him if you pay the rest of the fee; then you can gaze upon those striking features as often as you wish.
Well, you know, to my recollection no one has kissed the poor lad more than once. I suppose it’s possible that multiple kisses could do the job, but I’m afraid you’ve only paid me for one. Buy him, and you can try all you like, in your own home, of course. He’ll be your kissing slave, not that he’ll mind. You’re quite lovely, and I’m sure being in your presence will improve his dreams at a bare minimum.
Oh, wonderful! I’m sure you and Gavin will be deliriously happy together. Do you have a wagon with you, or would you like him delivered? Perfect, my man will ferry him over this evening. Have a lovely morning, and come back soon. Next week, I expect a shipment of frogs that I think you’ll be quite interested in. Rumor has it that at least one of them is a bespelled prince!
Erin M. Kinch lives and writes in Fort Worth, Texas, where she shares her home with her husband and a rambunctious golden retriever. Her short fiction has appeared in various print and online publications, including “Allegory”, “A Thousand Faces”, “Electric Spec”, and “Sporty Spec: Games of the Fantastic”. For more information about Erin’s stories, visit her blog at www.erinmkinch.com.
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33 Responses to “THE CARE AND FEEDING OF YOUR SLEEPING KNIGHT • by Erin M. Kinch”
Comments
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January 15th, 2009 at 12:41 am
I really enjoyed your piece. It was paced well. Great narrative voice, stylistically unique. Very nice, indeed. You’ve got a great character here as your protagonist. The setting is great, lots of imagery. My only not so positive comment refers to the point at which you mention the name Bertha, it pulled me out for a second. I don’t think her name is needed at all because it’s written more in the second person as a humorous guide. Great stuff!
January 15th, 2009 at 12:44 am
Cool beans, Erin! I likes it; there is a certain poignancy about it. And I have to wonder how much someone would pay for a good knight’s sleeping.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:16 am
Wonderful! Not to say Magical. This has real spark and pathos. Thank you, Erin. Five stars from me.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:42 am
Very VERY clever and witty. A great read.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Very funny and imaginative; a nice new take on an old trope. Well done!
January 15th, 2009 at 6:11 am
Erin, this is such a great story. I love the rhythm and humor and a bit of sass from the narrator!!! I’m glad everyone will get to see this story.
January 15th, 2009 at 6:18 am
What a terrific concept and a thoroughly enjoyable read. I agree wtih all comments above. Great stuff, Erin. Thank you.
January 15th, 2009 at 6:39 am
You are one of the few who can seduce me with fantasy. 5 stars
January 15th, 2009 at 7:42 am
Great story and well delivered. Good pace and pathos.
Well done.
January 15th, 2009 at 8:04 am
This was purely delightful! I loved it all from the mentions of other magic beings to the narrartor talking to the maiden.
Most excellent! I gave you a five.
January 15th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Excellent, Erin. Are there any princesses?
I liked the sales-pitch. You rocked it.
January 15th, 2009 at 8:29 am
Well paced and loved the voice.
–dj
January 15th, 2009 at 8:33 am
I love this – very Dr. Seuss in a way. Cute, clever, and refreshing. Great job!
January 15th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Erin, you mentioned she could feed the knight gruel or broth – does he, by chance, like ramen?
All silliness and inside jokes aside, I think too many girls are looking for – or at least wind up with – that kind of knight. He looks good, he impresses other people, but he isn’t worth much. She hopes that kissing him will fix everything, and you hope for her that it will, but in the end he won’t get the job done.
A charming surprise to my day – great job!
January 15th, 2009 at 8:44 am
Very fun! I sure hope she disinfects his lips between customers!
January 15th, 2009 at 8:46 am
Very fun story, but also sad if you think about it! I sure hopes she disinfects his lips between customers.
January 15th, 2009 at 8:53 am
[...] friend Erin has a story up at Every Day fiction–The Care and Feeding of Your Sleeping Knight. You should check that out as well. It’s cute and fun, but also makes you [...]
January 15th, 2009 at 8:56 am
[...] is up at Every Day Fiction today, and you should definitely check it out. It’s called “The Care and Feeding of Your Sleeping Knight.” As always, you may wish to actually go read the story before you read the rest of this [...]
January 15th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Enjoyed this very much. Great job!
January 15th, 2009 at 9:57 am
J.P.
Everybody Loves Ramen.
January 15th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Great story! Very unique idea. I really like the narrator’s voice. It seems like the perfect merchant’s voice.
January 15th, 2009 at 11:37 am
[...] “The Care and Feeding of your Sleeping Knight” is up at Every Day [...]
January 15th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Great story! I highly enjoyed it! The narrative voice was great. It’s a very amusing story.
January 15th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Loved the story. Well told…I could see the merchant, prince, maiden in my head as I read…Great Job.
January 15th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
What maiden wouldn’t want a stoic, sleeping knight?
Really clever idea. Loved it!
January 15th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I enjoyed this. Good narrative. It might have done it more for me if the setting were more modern, but nonetheless enjoyable!
January 19th, 2009 at 7:44 am
“…this fellow has been smooched more than any other unconscious man I know.” What a line.
)
Yes, I was taken by surprise to have been left a little bit sad reflecting on this at the end – that is very well done!
January 20th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I really liked the different narrative voice in this work compared to your other pieces. It was well paced and extremely clever. Excellent job!
January 24th, 2009 at 2:25 am
Very witty! I love the clever commentry on gender roles and postmodern feminism
January 24th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Loved this story, as many others have said, the pacing and narrative were excellent, and I have no critique’s on how it was written except for one quibble/confusion: Was the horse’s name meant to be a synonym for “make lighter” or was it meant to be “bolt of electricity”?
April 13th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
[...] contest and subsequently published — and there are others in my submission queue. “The Care and Feeding of Your Sleeping Knight” also came from a prompt, but that was a prompt we did at a meeting, as opposed to the [...]
April 20th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Very funny story. I like how it was in the character’s voice as she was talking.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:19 am
Bravo, Erin! I chose this story by the title from the list of Top Stories, and enjoyed it all the way through. THEN I got that little thrill of “hey, I know this person!” when I saw your name.
Best wishes for continued success!