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Professor Xavier Fitzroy was fifty-three when he perfected his life’s work. Although his prized invention was a small machine and outwardly it didn’t appear any more impressive than an electronic blood pressure meter with a few extra buttons, the professor was confident it would make his name remembered throughout history.
For one thing, his invention, unlike ordinary blood pressure machines, detected a vast and complex array of physical characteristics. Secondly, and more importantly, the ominous red numbers on its digital display did not refer to an isolated physical measurement but rather to how much time the user had remaining before they died.
It was a device that was certain to transform the way people lived and thought about their lives forever. Once the inconvenient uncertainty of not knowing exactly how you had to live was removed, people could organise their lives far more efficiently. No longer would people undertake extensive home renovations or embark on lengthy work projects only to die before their completion.
The professor’s delight in seeing his marvellous invention completed was perhaps only slightly marred when he tested it on himself and discovered that he only had twenty-three months left to live. This was a disappointing blow to Professor Xavier Fitzroy but he determined that he should make the most of those months to ensure that society would benefit from the genius of his brilliant creation.
The Death Meter was launched and was a tremendous success. At last people felt they had conquered one of the more perplexing uncertainties of existence and rejoiced that now that they knew precisely when they were going to die, they could get on with their lives.
Over the months after the Death Meter’s release, things started to change. People realised it was no longer so useful to age themselves according to how many years they had lived; what really mattered was how many years they had left before they died.
Driving licenses were the first to officially change. It was declared that all drivers must have their ‘D-date’ printed on their license and that anyone with a D-1 year or less couldn’t drive as it was too dangerous to have those so close to dying on the roads endangering the lives of the longer living.
Schools and universities changed their policies too. There wasn’t much point in investing the years of education required to give someone a PhD in rocket science if they were going to die a decade or two into their career. It was decided that lengthy education was a waste for time for anyone with a D-20 or closer death expectancy. Children with a D-10 age were put in a special classroom and given crayons to draw with as there just wasn’t much point in inflicting the usual writing and arithmetic requirements on them.
As his D-date approached, Professor Xavier Fitzroy was content. He had enjoyed nearly two years of spectacular success. He had been hailed as a revolutionary genius and made a fortune so large his family would be wealthy for generations to come.
He was going to die with the happiness of a man who knew that his life’s work was completed and that he had improved people’s lives.
On the night before he was to die, he slipped his arm into the Death Meter one last time.
It read: “D-3 years”.
The Professor examined it to see if it was broken or malfunctioning. It wasn’t. He switched it off and on. It gave the same reading. He tried another Death Meter and then another. They said the same thing.
His death date had changed.
“Damn,” said the professor.
He paced up and down in his workshop, considering the options. At last he resolved on the only feasible measure. After all, he couldn’t face the humiliation of admitting that his machine was wrong or inadequate to cope with the ever-changing variables of human existence.
Professor Xavier Fitzroy faked his own death, moved to a small tropical island under an assumed name and then, to his profound annoyance, proceeded to live a peaceful and quiet life for the next seven and a half years.
Debbie Cowens lives on the Kapiti Coast of New Zealand with her husband and son. She is the co-creator of the Matador card games Dig, Mob and Cow and an enthusiast of drama and amateur film-making. She has worked as an English language teacher in Japan and more recently taught English and Media Studies at high school.
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18 Responses to “THE DEATH METER • by Debbie Cowens”
Comments
« DJINNI BEACH • by Michael D. Turner | Home | FIREWORD • by Deborah Winter-Blood »
January 4th, 2010 at 2:17 am
5 stars!
I loved the humor in this one.
January 4th, 2010 at 2:43 am
I too loved the humour… imagine if we all knew exactly when the last minute would be – that’s no way to live life! Loved the way he had to slink away to hide his failure and wait to die.
5 stars from me *****
January 4th, 2010 at 6:39 am
Brilliancy in less than a thousand words.
January 4th, 2010 at 7:38 am
“. . . to his profound annoyance . . . ”
These four words elevated this story from an average three to a solid four stars; well done.
January 4th, 2010 at 8:25 am
A good one here. Made my day, Kathi. Reminded me also of my g-g-grandfather who predicted his own death and–to cut a long story short–did die on that day. go figger.
January 4th, 2010 at 8:42 am
Fun read. I enjoyed the “annoyance”. Would suggest another paragraph before dropping into the final “move” paragraph to a tropical island…it just kind of jumped off quickly. Seemed to change pace. Thanks for the fun read.
January 4th, 2010 at 9:47 am
Brilliant. Five stars.
January 4th, 2010 at 10:18 am
This was pretty good. I’m with Bob (#4) on the favorite line.
It took me a bit to get that this was a story in the “absurd”. I got hung up on wondering how the machine could predict deaths by accidents or “Acts of God” (as the insurance companies say). I realized that wasn’t really the point and started over, enjoying it much more.
–John
January 4th, 2010 at 10:50 am
Excellent concept masterfully executed as a modern fable. The moral; extended life is the penalty Professor Fitzroy is given for failure. Due date death his reward for success. This was an enjoyable five star entreatment. Gracias.
John Brooke
January 4th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Loved it! Well done, and a good ending, I give it five stars.
If I have any quibble, it is that this IMMEDIATELY brought to mind Robert Heinlein’s first published story, “Life-Line,” so the idea is not strictly new. But that happens … I have no idea if Debbie Cowens has ever read that story or not … it was published in 1939, and a lot of Heinlein’s work seems to have fallen out of favor nowadays.
January 4th, 2010 at 9:48 pm
A page out of my own book.
Love making those stories come to life. Very entertaining.
It gets only
5 ***** thats all they allow.
January 4th, 2010 at 10:32 pm
Thanks for the comments! Much appreciated.
I haven’t read or heard of Heinline’s ‘Life-line’ story before. I shall have to go and read it now.
January 5th, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Exceeelent read, very cute threads of humour and irony. Five stars here because I couldn’t figure out the rating bit. I may be sent to the crayon room?
January 8th, 2010 at 5:18 am
Very good 5 from me – loved the concept
January 8th, 2010 at 6:01 am
I liked the fact that this story didn’t really take itself seriously, and had a fun ending.
January 9th, 2010 at 6:12 pm
amusing, Too much tell and not enough sow but worth reading.
January 17th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Was beginning to feel lonely until I came to Susie’s comments. Lots of tell and much less show made this brilliant tale something of a lecture.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:03 am
[...] EDF009 — “The Death Meter” by Debbie Cowens, read by Matt Cowens “The Death Meter” was originally published in EDF on January 4, [...]