“I ain’t gonna kiss no pig on the lips.” Thomas straightened to his full six feet and glared down at his wife.
“But we really need the money,” Bobbie Jo said.
“Then you kiss it.”
“That wouldn’t be very ladylike.” Bobbie Jo squinted at the platform where the pig, wearing a pink tutu and dark glasses, waited. She crinkled her nose and continued. “Besides, it’s a girl pig.”
Bobbie Jo grabbed his arm when he started to stomp away and pressed her body against his.
“Pleeease? We really, really–”
“I know. We need the money.” Thomas stared at the pig and felt his resolve melt until it was as soft as his wife’s breast. Without another word, he plodded toward the stage, ignoring the laughs and hoots from the crowd, and climbed the three steps to the top of the platform.
He followed the carnival barker’s instructions and got on all fours. The animal raised its snout, like it knew what was about to happen.
Thomas touched his lips to the pig’s and held the kiss three seconds longer than the required five.
“We have a winner!” the barker announced and handed Thomas five one hundred dollar bills.
Thomas bounded off the stage without acknowledging the roar of the crowd and headed straight to Bobbie Jo.
“Here’s your money,” he said, then turned and trod off.
“Where’re you goin’?”
“Away.”
Bobbie Jo stood with her feet apart and her hands on her hips. “You ain’t leavin me cause I made you kiss a pig, are you?”
“Nope,” Thomas said over his shoulder. “I’m leavin you cause the pig’s a better kisser.”
Jim Harrington is a retired librarian embarking on a new journey. His stories have appeared in Apollo’s Lyre, Baker’s Dozen Review, Bent Pin Quarterly, Defenstration, Long Story Short, Litbits, MicroHorror, and others. You can read more of his stories at www.jimharringtononline.net.
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12 Responses to “THE KISS • by Jim Harrington”
Comments
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October 27th, 2008 at 12:47 am
So he gave Bobbie Jo the kiss-off, huh? Nicely written, Jim.
October 27th, 2008 at 2:55 am
Nice!
October 27th, 2008 at 3:14 am
Ha ha ha ha! A very well told joke, Jim! A story that made me smile, thanks.
October 27th, 2008 at 5:10 am
The ending caught me by surprise and I laughed out loud! Great story!
October 27th, 2008 at 5:49 am
Wow… I didn’t see that ending coming!
October 27th, 2008 at 7:00 am
Thanks for the morning giggle! Very funny story.
October 27th, 2008 at 8:01 am
That was very funny. Great flash.
October 27th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Hee hee hee! Love, *love* that last line. Thanks for that incredibly funny story.
October 27th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Hahahaha! This story’s so funny! I’m forwarding it to my friends!
October 28th, 2008 at 3:07 am
This is exactly what funny, flash fiction should be like. A thoroughly enjoyable read that leaves you satisfied at the end.
October 30th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Brilliant. 5 stars.
March 30th, 2009 at 11:10 am
But HE kissed, I’m sure he wasn’t kissed back. I’m a staunch realist.