“It’s a love stone,” says the stallholder to the young girl with hurt in her eyes. She’s small, no more than twelve and no Disney kid, either, just an ordinary child.
“Give it to the person you love and they will love you back.”
“Will it work on anyone?” she asks, looking across at the market at two older kids, snogging nearby.
And he thinks: uh-oh puppy love gone awry — her heart is bound to get broken, but that’s just the way it is sometimes.
And then he thinks: blimey, don’t those two ever breathe?
“Anyone,” he answers, “no matter who they love now.”
They agree a price and he doesn’t rip her off too much, feeling sorry for her and her ill-fated crush. Though not sorry enough to warn her that the spell would only last a few minutes.
After buying the love stone she walks straight past the young lovers, without seeming to see them.
“Mum, I’ve got you something…” the woman to whom she offers her gift up is attractive, in a manner that speaks of stern self-discipline.
“Oh Hannah, what a waste of money! I don’t want your useless junk,” her mother coldly chides and she throws the love stone away to where it quietly lies in the gutter, its futile spell fading as the magic quickly dies.
“Come on –and stick with me this time — we’re late, you rotten child.”
Essie Gilbey is an ex-pat Brit, living in Massachusetts. She’s had stories published on Thrillers, Killers n Chillers and on Static Movement Online. Her blog is at http://essygie.blogspot.com/ and she also tweets stories on Twitter at http://twitter.com/essygie.
This story was sponsored by
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17 Responses to “THE LOVE STONE • by Essie Gilbey”
Comments
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October 15th, 2009 at 3:18 am
That was beautiful! Five stars!!!
October 15th, 2009 at 5:52 am
Sad!:(
October 15th, 2009 at 5:56 am
First, I didn’t like this one, a real “downer.”
I thought the ending was far too sudden, it just sort of swerved away from where we thought it might be going and went somewhere else entirely. Surprise endings are fine with a little “O. Henry irony” in them, but there didn’t seem to be any of that here. It just pulled in an extra character, the horrid mother, and used her to derail what we thought we knew was going on.
Perhaps if this was a little longer, and got to the end more gradually, it would help.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:57 am
I liked the sudden end, the awful mother, the tumbling of the terrible.
Poignant stories are among the most difficult to get right without sinking into pathos and pity, but I think you got it in this one. Thanks.
October 15th, 2009 at 7:31 am
A small continuity flaw in the story: She gave the stone to her mother, her mother touched it before throwing it away. Shouldn’t that have activated the magic?
Otherwise, sad little vignette, well done.
–John
October 15th, 2009 at 7:48 am
Wonderfully written, but heartbreaking. Interesting idea that she didn’t want the love stone for a boyfriend but for her mother.
October 15th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Nice plot with a poignant twist at the end, ruined by execution. The mother was cartoonishly, over-the-top awful, a jarring note to finish what had been a graceful build up.
October 15th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Heartbreaking. I agree a slightly longer build-up would have made the ending smoother, but still well-done.
October 15th, 2009 at 11:04 am
I enjoyed the being surprised. I thought she was going to take the stone and clonk the boy in the head with it. Instead of the puppy love it was the love of her mother she craved. Five star flash fiction.
October 15th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I agree totally with Mr. Hartley on all counts.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
A fellow ex-pat, i was in your neck of the woods, or states, not so long ago as well.
Anyway, I enjoyed this one a lot, a few lines might be ‘cleaned up’ a little, but nothing drastic. The repetition of ‘at’ in this sentence grates a little:
‘looking across at the market at two older kids,’
but I think the story was spot on. Perfect length for a whopping sad punch. I also thought the story ‘changed’ direction really well and at exactly the right time.
5 stars, easy.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
thanks to all for the feedback
October 15th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Very nice, i liked the mislead of assumed intent by the vendor, the mother character was very harsh and cold, it’s hard to believe any mother could act as cold as to toss aside a gift from their child
Love the snogging, haven’t hear that in a while
October 16th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I liked this story a lot. I saw the parent ending coming from the get-go, but it still packed a really powerful punch. I loved that you went with something besides a crush. And it was so sad that she didn’t even get her few minutes of love. Poor little girl.
I’m assuming that it didn’t matter that the mother touched the stone because she never accepted the gift?
October 18th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Sad. Not sure of the purpose. Is it simply to show that people are scum? If so, you did your job well.
October 20th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
well done
October 21st, 2009 at 7:38 am
Unrequited love, child and parent,happens too often. Shame when even the magic fails. Nicely told.