When the phone rings, I reach for the Advil in the bathroom. I know it’s my mother. Sucking in my breath, I close my eyes before I answer it.
“Have you written your novel yet?” she asks, with the enthusiasm of a five-year-old.
“Mother, I’m not writing a novel.”
“Why not?”
“I told you, I’m more interested in capturing a moment in a short story.”
“I got some stories, plenty of damn stories in this place. Did you write the one about Ray yet, all the bullshit he has put your poor mother through.”
“It doesn’t work that way, mother.”
“What way?”
“Inspiration, I mean. I can’t force it like that!”
“Did I tell you the story about Ray gambling away my savings?”
“Yes.”
“Write about it… every bit of it,” she hisses. “Did I tell you all about Ray’s clever disguises?”
“Yes.”
The throbbing in my right temple is stronger, and the muscles in my neck are starting to feel tight. I need to stand under a stream of water in the shower and make it as hot as I can stand it.
I turn the shower on now full force, hoping she’ll hear the noise. “What about the time I discovered he was married?” my mother continues. “And to a lady that sings in the choir at your aunt’s church,” she clicks her tongue, “of all things! Do you realize I am still not sure about his true identity? I’m not even sure if that’s his real last name. Hell, Ray may not be his first name!”
“Mom, I need to take my shower… the water’s running.”
“Get back to your novel! Make it the first priority, Kate, and then we can escape… be in the salt air with white sand. You know,” she whispers, “somewhere peaceful.”
“Right, Mom, goodbye…”
“Did I tell you the doctor thinks the lithium’s working again? We will see,” she says, in a sarcastic tone. “By the way, I’ve told him all about Ray’s bullshit. Everything’s documented in my file.”
“Yes mom, okay.”
She starts to hum now, and with this, I know it’s about time. My mother will let me go. It means her mind is somewhere else, most likely Ray, and she needs to be in that place alone. My head is pounding from our conversation, and the tightness has spread to my shoulders. But I still can’t help feeling a sense of sadness, that helplessness I did as a child when she would hum, for there was no storybook magic, no sugary fairy or good witch with the wand, diving in to pull her out. Staring off somewhere, she’d wear this blank glassy look, and no one from the outside could reach her. You couldn’t reach her.
When my mother finally gets to a point where she can tell me goodbye, there’s an image of her that appears in my mind. I can see her now. Those eyes are circling the other patients in the ward as she smoothes out her stiff dark hair. Shuffling her feet, she’s eager to find the next one, anyone, who will listen to a story about Ray. The man named Ray, a man who continues to exist only inside her head. Ray, the one, who is a distorted version of all the men who have ever done her wrong, I suppose.
Angela Carlton’s fiction has been published in Every Day Fiction, Camroc Press Review, Fiction at Work, Burst Magazine, Pedestal Magazine, Long Story Short, Pindeldyboz, Storyglossia, The Dead Mule, Coastlines. In addition, she won the Reader’s Choice award with Pedestal Magazine in 2006. Currently, “The Beach Cottage” can be found in The Best of Every Day Fiction 2008.
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37 Responses to “THE MAN NAMED RAY • by Angela Carlton”
Comments
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May 16th, 2009 at 1:40 am
Another well-written, poignant tale about the eldery.
May 16th, 2009 at 3:29 am
Good job. I think the hum added a lot, gave it a slight creepiness that I liked. The psychology of the mother was pretty realistic and sound.
May 16th, 2009 at 5:41 am
More of a character sketch than a story. Nice writing, but no plot … it just describes a situation, it doesn’t GO anywhere.
May 16th, 2009 at 5:49 am
This is a story about a self-important daughter shrugging off a mother’s interest. A story of two people, neither of whom allow themselves to be open about their current concerns, but the mother comes closer to it, even indicating enthusiasm for hearing about her daughter’s work. It’s written in the clipped, hostile, dialog style of someone trying to shake someone off.
May 16th, 2009 at 6:33 am
I thought it was very good. I could see all that was happening.
Very well done again
May 16th, 2009 at 7:21 am
This story doesn’t just capture the relationship between a daughter and her elderly mother, but also the complicated dyanamics when bipolar disorder or schizophrenia are present (which is why the mother is on lithium).
Excellent portrayal, Angela.
May 16th, 2009 at 7:21 am
I think this was very good. It lets you get to know the characters really well. I think the daughter feels the way she does because this type of behavior has been going on for a long time by her mother, and it’s very frustrating. It’s not that she’s selfish or doesn’t care. When that happens in real-life, yes, you love them still, but you feel backed into a corner sometimes. That’s human nature. This story is a glimpse at the real side of having an ill, elderly parent.
May 16th, 2009 at 7:35 am
Thank you, especially the last three comments. The story was written to demonstrate the frustration and the helplessness involved with not having the ability to save someone you are close too.
May 16th, 2009 at 7:46 am
I liked the story and could picture the elderly mother and the daughter and all they had been through over the years. I give it 5 stars!
May 16th, 2009 at 8:16 am
A wonderful tale told with Carlton’s usual strengths: warmth, wit and great empathy.
May 16th, 2009 at 9:05 am
I think some of these comments indicate the commenters didn’t quite read to the end — or maybe didn’t get it. The story is set up to make you believe, at first, that this is an impatient daughter dealing with her mother harshly, but at the end you discover the mother is living in a world of fantasy, in a mental ward. We also get a sense of their pasts — the daughter as a small child helpless to a mother lost within the confines of her own mind. The mother as a younger woman, hurt by a series of men who probably cared more about using her body than what was going on in her mind. I think the last line especially gives this story a lot of power and depth — it hit me hard. The story is definitely more than just a “character sketch” — it has movement, as the characters change in our eyes when we learn more about them. Definitely four stars. This is a marvelous piece. Almost a mini-novel. It’s gorgeous!!
May 16th, 2009 at 9:06 am
Er, 5 stars, on this scale.
May 16th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Really well written story, I hadn’t guessed that Ray wasn’t real before the end, but I guessed that the mother was mentally ill, she seemed a little too obessesed with him. It actually wouldn’t have made much difference to me if Ray was real or not, the story still would’ve had the same empact.
May 16th, 2009 at 9:20 am
I’ll second the positive comments above–this is a story, there is a plot, and the tension for the reader is in realizing that the daughter is not the selfish beast she seems to be in the beginning. There’s movement here, and it’s successful to my mind.
May 16th, 2009 at 9:32 am
I think that this is a fabulous story and for me it is a story. There is a story arc although it is missing a few car chases. Instead we have subtle lovely literary prose.
“Staring off somewhere, she’d wear this blank glassy look, and no one from the outside could reach her. You couldn’t reach her.
When my mother finally gets to a point where she can tell me goodbye, there’s an image of her that appears in my mind. I can see her now.”
The arc is in the play between the lines “you couldn’t reach her” and “I can see her now.”
What we read is always personal preference and this piece exceeds. 5
May 16th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I thought this was just excellent. I read straight through and my mind never wandered…that is all I really ask of a piece of flash fiction. It engaged me and kept me there until the end. Good job, Angela.
May 16th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
I didn’t really see the mother as elderly, not old and demented, just middle-aged. The daughter as a twenty-something used to the delusional state of her mother.
In the end that unfolded. Having worked in a psychiatric facility, I can empathize with family who are just burned out from years and years of dealing with unpredictable behaviors and the disappointing realization that their loved one may never change.
Well told slice of life. Good voice and flow.
–dj
May 16th, 2009 at 10:49 pm
Well written and, for me, unpredictable. From the beginning I thought this was going to be some kind of “nesting doll” trick with a story about Ray being told against the MC’s wishes within the context of her conversation with her mother.
–John
May 17th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Very moving story. I really felt the daughter’s frustration with the relationship she has had with her mother over the years. I rate this a 5 star. Good job Angela.
May 17th, 2009 at 11:43 am
The daughter closes her eyes before she answers the phone call from her mother, “I close my eyes before I answer it.” “When my mother gets to a point where she can tell me goodbye, there’s an image of her that appears in my mind. I can see her now.” Has it occurred to you that “tell me goodbye” is the daughter’s hope that her mother will be gone, put in an institution; that the daughter’s statement “there’s an image of her that appears in my mind …circling the other patients … eager to find the next one, anyone. I can see her now” is the daydream of the hostile daughter who wants to excape her parentage? Is it possible that Ray was real, possibly the daughter’s father, and the daughter escapes facing the facts of her parentage by imagining the irreality of Ray’s existence. Is it possible her saying “Ray …is a distorted version of all the men who have ever done her wrong, I suppose,” is just a hostile supposing of a running around with other men and a false excuse for blaming her mother? She finishes her speech and the story with the words “I suppose.”
Lithium had been used in the 19th century to treat gout, and later to treat bipolar disorder. It is an anti-depressant and a preventative to migraine headaches. It’s a dangerous drug, seldom used now, it reduces brain activity, and is often toxic. Does the daughter work in a medical field?
May 17th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
This is FICTION!! The explanation behind the inspiration for writing the story is explained in statement 8. Thank you.
May 17th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Angela, you do not have to defend or explain your story. If others want to analyze it, fine. It has nothing to do with you or your writing. It has to do with them and what they see. I think the word is “projection.”
May 17th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Angela – The daughter did not even ask how the mother is. She offered no suggestions to cheer her up. She could hardly wait for her mother to get off the phone. Her mother frustrates her by telling her about her past. The minor conversation with her mother sets the daughter’s “head pounding.”
May all your inspiration be a successful as your description of an attempt to save someone close.
May 17th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
i think this was a great story Angela.
particularly i think that the daughter doesn’t ask about her mother anymore because as it is suggested by the symptoms of her stress…she gets this call every day and it never changes…therefore asking her how she is is useless because her mother probably wont even listen.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
In this piece, Carlton reveals to us those desperate feelings of helplessness in childhood and the frustration and emotional distress of not being able to save someone close to you with an unnerving eloquence. My breath is literally taken away by Carlton, and I have to pause after certain passages. I am eagerly awaiting Carlton’s next work. She definitely has the exquisite gift of making others feel real emotion with everything she writes.
May 17th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Good descriptive story is told here with some tension and underlying conflict between the characters. I like this one!
May 17th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I thought this short was powerfully, darkly evocative of the exhaustion and impatience that eventually overcomes anyone who is in a close family relationship with someone who is severely mentally ill. I think the woman above who is trying to twist the daughter’s character into something more sinister is completely off track. Moreover, my stepson is bipolar, and has been on Lithium during his hospitalizations every time he goes into hypomanic psychosis (every summer for the last six years, because he won’t STAY on the Lithium) so I can personally attest to the fact that Lithium is still in regular use at facilities of this type. Regardless – all this is a pointless digression; the whole purpose of my comment was to coo a bit over this short.
Angela, I’ve said it before, but it’s the smallest turns of phrase with you, and the way you structure your thoughts. It’s just very immediate, without being rough. You manage to be simultaneously lyrical, and in-your-face. Fantastic. Loved it.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:26 am
I could really feel the frustration the daughter had for the situation with her mother as well as her feelings of sadness for the lost time with her mother as a child. Great story Angela! I’m not surprised…
May 18th, 2009 at 6:00 am
[...] FROM ANGELA CARLTON: I find that taking a drive and getting a change of scenery with the radio helps to waken the [...]
May 18th, 2009 at 6:24 am
Good one, Angela. Your stories are heartfelt and emotional but delivered in such a way as not to be overdone or melodramatic. It’s a fine line and you walk it well.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Thank you for a wonderfully written story that evokes the real image of a daughter dealing with a mentally ill mother . . . I think you’ve nailed these characters. In fact, I think the amount of comments you’ve received shows just how powerful this story is written. It is perfect as it is . . . and yet, as with every good story, I want to read more about these characters.
Thank you.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Tyrean – I agree with you. I would like to read further developments regarding the two characters. It would certainly clarify any doubts about their relationship. I would like to see the daughter’s character developed more, know more about her personality in general and dealings with her mother.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am
You have a gift with the genre of flash fiction. All of the emotions and thoughts you are able to capture with this story of one moment in time is amazing. The amount of comments you have recived should tell you this. When I reach the end of the story and I want to know more I know that I have just read a great story. I would not want you to change a thing.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:30 am
Working in the field I could really identify with it
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 am
I really like the short story. It was creative, not drawn out, and makes you ponder what might happen next. Very well done.
May 24th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
I rate it at 4 star. Can relate to some of this as we have a daughter with mental illness. Good story.
May 27th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Angela,
A well written story. I agree that you were able to capture everything in one moment and that’s what makes it great and leaves us wanting more! ;o) 5 stars.