The warrior was defeated, his battle was lost. He fell down on his knees, his armor clashing harshly, his breath coming in loud gasps as he bent over his stomach in pain. The stone had won. He had used his best weapons, and had executed his best moves. But all the tall wall of gray stone had to do, was sit there. It loomed menacingly over the warrior, gloating in its success. It seemed to rumble the words, “You lose.”
The warrior weakly threw his sword, so useless against the rock’s natural defense, at the victor’s feet, as was customary. The stone made no move to retrieve it. There was no need to. The stone seemed to be mocking him. As if he wasn’t even a worthy enough opponent to have his weapons taken away.
“Well,” cried the warrior, “you win! Do with me as you see fit. I will die an honorable death.”
The stone considered his pathetic words. But then, in the end, it rejected the idea of killing the mere human. The warrior saw that the stone was not going to kill him, and his angry defiance gave way to relief. Obviously, he would not be permitted to leave. He would be made a slave. Or be fed to the lions, whichever the rock preferred. So the warrior hopefully bowed to the rock again, to show his willingness to cooperate. He waited for the stone to give him a command, to tell him where to go or what to do to make himself useful. But the rock was silent still.
The warrior trembled at the great power of the stone and his sudden realization: It didn’t need to give commands. It was too high for that. So the warrior quickly scrambled to his feet, and moved out of the way of the majestic rock, so he wouldn’t be in the way. He stood behind the stone, and off to the side, waiting for its bidding.
Hours passed, and still the stone made no command. The warrior supposed this was his initial punishment, for ever daring to challenge the exalted one: waiting. The stone sat serenely still, musing about what demeaning task to make the warrior attempt, while the warrior stood, trying to guess what plans it was making.
Then the stone decided that the warrior would be his slave, in case it ever needed something done. The warrior would wait by his side, until the day came that he would have a command for him. And so the warrior waited, for hours and hours.
The warrior, after his initial gratitude for being kept alive, started to feel angry and discontented, as all slaves with nothing to do eventually become. He formed plans in his head about how to escape from the clutches of his evil stone master. He considered sneaking off , but there was no way to escape the hulking presence of the stone, as he could be seen for miles and miles across the flat land. He could try to kill the stone again, with his sword. But he knew that the stone was the superior swordsman, and surely outmatched him on pure brute strength.
Then later that day, a messenger came riding up to the stone’s kingdom on a horse. The messenger was one of the warrior’s men. The warrior shouted to warn him of the great stone and its power, but the messenger paid no heed, and continued riding up to the rock. Fortunately, the stone calmly let its enemy approach, and waited for what he had to say.
“Sir, what is going on?” the messenger asked in confusion. “Did the stone beat you?”
“Yes, yes it did.” The warrior hung his head in shame.
The stone puffed its chest up, and glared at the messenger, expressing that it wanted the messenger to get on with his message.
“Yes, yes,” stammered the messenger, intimidated by the enormity and the anger of the stone. “Well sir, the general just wanted me to give you this piece of parchment here, in case you ever come back, stone permitting, of course… It’s just a list of etiquette rules, for when we must dine with royalty and whatnot…”
The stone started in shock, shrinking back unconsciously. Before it could collect itself, the warrior realized what was going on. He slowly reached for the parchment from the messenger, and studied it in awe.
Paper. Of course! The warrior, as if in a trance, bent over and picked up his sword from the rock’s feet. He stabbed the sword through the parchment, as the rock looked on in horror and bewilderment. With the papered sword, the warrior slashed at the hulking stone once, then twice, then a third time. The noble stone, a shocked look forever etched on its face, fell dead and lifeless before the warrior.
And so the warrior rode home triumphantly, knowing he would always remember his one epic battle where paper beat rock.
Kelly Swimmer lives in Indiana, and doesn’t have anything witty to say here.
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27 Responses to “THE WARRIOR AND THE STONE • by Kelly Swimmer”
Comments
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January 30th, 2010 at 4:25 am
Very clever idea. I didn’t get it until the very last but that’s good isn’t it? Thanks for sharing!
January 30th, 2010 at 6:49 am
This read like a Pythonesque shaggy dog story.
The story kept my attention, but needed a bit more ooomph!
January 30th, 2010 at 7:00 am
Unfortunately, I have to say that was the dumbest story I have read in a long time! Even the revelation at the end couldn’t save it.
Well written, though.
January 30th, 2010 at 7:14 am
was-was-was Passive verb extreme
January 30th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Glad paper won over rock, but the story is is a bore.
January 30th, 2010 at 7:28 am
What? No scissors?
January 30th, 2010 at 8:05 am
Sorry, but the shaggy dog genre doesn’t cut it without some literary overlay, and even then….
Next time, do we see a story that goes like this? “There was this Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.” Two stars.
January 30th, 2010 at 8:17 am
This one’s over-written, without the underlying cleverness to justify the style. As noted above – no scissors? If you’re going to play off the kid’s game, you should get the details right. And, a stone that fights, has a chest, has eyes with which to glare? And is suddenly a rock? It seems like the author remembered just at the end that the game is “rock-paper-scissors” and not “stone-paper-scissors”.
Just too many amateurish inconsistencies to justify any more than two stars; sorry.
January 30th, 2010 at 9:06 am
IF I had a 2 or 3 yr old !!
This’d be a nice non violent tale,
to read to them.
2 ** barely
January 30th, 2010 at 9:23 am
Unlike some stories in the past that simply take an old joke and try to turn it into a story, this at least has the advantage of attempting to be original. So kudos for that. The end gave me a chuckle once I saw where it was going.
I think it might be a better read if it moved along a bit quicker. Maybe not as quick as Walt’s (7) suggestion (which, incidentally, was a 5 star laugh), but not quite as drawn out as presented here.
Maybe there is some kind of weapon that resembles scissors? I don’t know a mace from a maul, but it seems like in the history of weaponry there must be something? If you could arm your warrior with that initially that might help bring the story full circle.
So, pick up the warrior’s sword, slash at some of the adjectives and adverbs, trim the exposition and … well, cut to the chase.
Best,
–John
January 30th, 2010 at 9:28 am
Nicely written. Clever and good personification of the stone. But it doesn’t work, sorry. I’d say three stars for audacity and originality and technical proficiency and attempt at humor.
January 30th, 2010 at 10:31 am
Funny ending, but took some time to get there. Ditto on adverbs and adjectives.
January 30th, 2010 at 11:56 am
I think this story is ironic in a wonderful way. Well done!
January 30th, 2010 at 11:58 am
Nice one! I didn’t get at first and the story really didn’t hold my interest, but the end was satisfying and clever!
January 30th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
I kept waiting to see where we were going with this personification of the stone and the (seemingly) stupid warrior who didn’t realize he could just walk away from it – I mean, what’s the rock going to do? Follow him? I hung in there because I kept thinking surely the story must be going someplace. And it did. And I laughed. Isn’t that what writing is all about, entertainment?
Good job, as far as I’m concerned!
January 30th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
In stories like this, people sometimes try to search for a real world logic that isn’t there. It isn’t supposed to be. In fiction, physics and social norms don’t necessarily have to mean squat.
I did wonder about the “rock, paper, sword” game though, as I’ve never heard of that variation before.
January 30th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
I agree with Debbie (No. 15)! The story was entertaining, kept you wondering and had a nice twist at the end. A sword is an acceptable substitute for scissors; critics, lighten up! It’s flash fiction. I’ve read much worse stories!
January 30th, 2010 at 2:52 pm
Sorry, Debi, for misspelling your name.
January 30th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Josephine, I’m glad you enjoyed the story; don’t presume to tell me that I should, also. I thought it sucked, but I don’t insist you agree with me. So if you don’t mind, I won’t lighten up; instead, I’ll tell the author what I found lacking, and she can either take my observations to heart or disregard them.
January 30th, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Josephine, no problem! Any variation of “Debbie” is fine with me.
January 31st, 2010 at 3:20 am
I for one was entertained. At first I thought it was drifting into Don Quixote territory.
I do have to say, this site has been pretty peaceful for as long as I’ve been on it. Since when does “Critics lighten up” amount to a personal attack? I thought some of the comments went beyond constructive, and that isn’t helping anybody. I for one hope to have my work critiqued, not insulted.
January 31st, 2010 at 8:50 am
Never said I felt attacked, Christopher. I’m annoyed by people who tell me who I should feel about a story – same way I get annoyed by people who tell me to “cheer up!” on a Monday morning.
January 31st, 2010 at 10:03 am
There is a game called “Rutger Stone.” The big stone is attacked by rolling rocks. Stone is always a loser but the “rocks” who are always superior and always win must run from the central square until Stone gets lost by being carried away by water.
January 31st, 2010 at 7:58 pm
Not sure about the omniscient point of view. It had parts that were interesting.
February 1st, 2010 at 3:44 am
I agree with the critics above – both style and content missed the mark for me.
February 1st, 2010 at 7:04 am
The excessive use of passive voice in this story made it a boring read for me. The use of language in general seems very juvenile, like something a kid in high-school would write (though if you are a kid in high-school, this is a great start and I think you should keep writing). I’m actually surprised EDF published a piece that is this clunky.
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Great, thanks, really enjoyed this and found it refereshing afte the other stuff i’ve been readin laterly.