In the watered down version of you, you are merely an acquaintance not the love from my youth. In this version, you are smaller with those thin hands that keep slipping through mine. And, yes, you still speak with a bit of a southern accent, but it’s not smooth or gentle. This voice does not grasp me at once wrapping me in the light that was you. Those sweetheart-sugar pie-baby doll-honey-peach words are not lingering in the air. No, for you aren’t charming or inviting just lost. I think of you as lost.
And that day, that one day, on the 8th of July, when I find you on the street, “Excuse me, oh,” you say, a sweep of finger on my skin, “My, it’s you.”
I was thinking of your touch then, still, your touch has a slight tingle, but I tell myself there is no electricity. No shock really or heat rising over the goose-bump flesh. And, you can’t speak to me anymore with those gray-green eyes, holding me inside. For today, finally, on this day I can see the black ones, those black eyes, black-black.
Look at you now. Ta da, you are slim weak, but my glass is full. I diluted you. I drank it in. Sure, I cheated with a trick but then so did you? You cheated me and yourself didn’t you? You and your edginess all the slipping and slipping away, glassy eyed, with the pipe, those needles, your ruins. See, in this watered down version of you, come look, closer, I swallowed you. The memories go down-down-down. It doesn’t burn completely.
Angela Carlton has previously published other stories in Burst Magazine, Pedestal Magazine, Long Story Short, Pindeldyboz, Storyglossia, The Dead Mule and Coastlines. In addition, she won the Reader’s Choice award with Pedestal Magazine in 2006.
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14 Responses to “THE WATERED DOWN VERSION • by Angela Carlton”
Comments
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April 20th, 2008 at 4:05 am
Excellent story, Angela. So evocative and very relate-able. And the first sentence was a grabber. Loved this!
April 20th, 2008 at 6:10 am
I appreciate the feedback. Even though it’s mini, it still took awile to get it on paper. Thanks so much!
April 20th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Great story, proof that size doesnt matter…a true value in flash fiction.
April 20th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I liked this a lot. Great language usage, like poetry.
April 20th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I enjoyed this. Similar to what Gay said — it reminded me of a very angry poet’s journal.
April 21st, 2008 at 1:34 am
I enjoyed that. Very clever wordplay.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:54 am
Very poetic!
April 21st, 2008 at 6:41 am
Great Stuff, Angela. The phrasing that jumped out at me was “a sweep of finger on my skin…” It’s just the right note in a short song.
April 22nd, 2008 at 6:10 am
Thanks again to all the readers and writers for your enthusiasm and feedback! EDF with all it’s itty-bitty stories just shines!!!
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:30 am
Powerful. Loved it.
April 24th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Love your style of writing- very captivating!
April 28th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Do I know this person that you are speaking of??(hehe)
Story is still great even reading it again.
Great Job Ang.
What did TD think of it?
April 30th, 2008 at 3:33 am
Powerful and moving! i want to read more!
May 3rd, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Dreamy. Good writing, Angela.