Hi, this is Jill. Sorry I’m not here to pick up, but leave a message and I’ll get back to ya soon as I can. Bye! beep
Hi Jill, my name’s Allen. You don’t know me, but… well… this is weird, I know, but I ran into your cousin Linda here at work. She’s in HR and I had to see her about my insurance–well anyway, she thought you and I might hit it off and I guess you live close to me. So, don’t get too mad, but I kinda talked her into givin’ me your number. I thought we might get together for some coffee or something. Anyway, if you want to call back, my number is… click
This is Allen. Not here, obviously, but leave a message at the little beep and I’ll call you back. See ya! beep
Hi…ah, Allen, this is Jill. God… I was sooo pissed at Linda for giving out my number. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, but well, I spoke to her last night and she said you were nice, and so I’m calling you back if you want to maybe get together or something… click
Hi, this is Jill… beep
Hi Jill, Allen again. Sorry I missed you, but yeah, that would be cool. I know a place I think is in your neighborhood where we could meet. Maybe Sunday afternoon, just some coffee. Okay? Call me back… click
This is Allen… beep
Damn! Allen, are you there? Hi, it’s Jill. So sorry I missed you again too. Sunday would be fine, around three or so… let me know, okay? click
Hi, this is Jill… beep
Jill! Man, I can’t believe I didn’t catch you… next time I’ll forward to my cell. Sunday works for me. Linda tells me you like sushi. I love sushi! Maybe later, we could hit that Japanese place about three blocks away. I never meet anyone who loves sushi! You know, even though we haven’t met, I already get good vibes, like we have some sort of connection or something. Anyway, get back to confirm Sunday. Bye! click
This is Allen… beep
Allen, hello! Crap! Just can’t seem to reach the actual person, so I guess I’ll leave another message. Anyway, Sunday at three, coffee shop near me is fine. Yes, it’s true, I love sushi! I know what you mean about feeling a connection. It’s really weird, ya know, but I just don’t meet too many guys who like that stuff. It’s all burgers and junk. I like you. Call me back. click
Hi, this is Jill… beep
Jill, hey, so sorry… went into a meeting just when you called. I know we’re gonna get along really well. I tried texting too, did you receive? There’s just something about your voice that attracts me, you just sound like a nice, real warm person. Like, I think about it all day. Call Me! click
This is Allen… beep
Allen, okay, tonight, call me at nine, I should be in. I’ve just been so damn busy lately, it’s so weird how we can’t seem to hook up. I know what you mean though, I find myself looking forward to hearing from you during the day. Can’t wait to meet! click
Hi, this is Jill… beep
Jill, I called you last night at nine like you said… anyway, look… I’ve got these two tickets to Fall Out Boy Friday night at the Arena. I know we were gonna meet and do the coffee thing first, but things seem to be going so well, I thought we could go together. Whaddaya think? click
This is Allen… beep
Allen, that sounds great. Sorry, I was in the shower when you called. I’d love to go! Call me back and let me know what time, ‘kay?… Bye, love ya! click
Hi, this is Jill… beep
Damn! Jill… sorry, babe, bad news. Can’t go after all. My ex is in town and, well, we need to iron out a few things and she loves Fall Out Boy and well, I sort of promised her… I really didn’t think she’d fly in… anyway, we’re still good for Sunday, right? click
This is Allen… beep
Allen, it’s crazy how we keep missing each other, right? Look, I understand about your ex and all… you don’t owe me anything, I guess. But well, I don’t know how to put this exactly, but I just need someone right now that’s totally into just me… hard to explain. I get the feeling you’re not ready for the “C” word, that’s all… maybe we should take a little time, go a little slower. click
Hi, this is Jill… beep
Jill, no way, babe! She doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. It’s nothing, really! I thought we had something… I mean I am into you. Call me back soon as you get this! click
This is Allen… beep
Allen. Let’s face it… it’s just not happening for me… maybe now’s not the right time for us, I don’t know. I really think we need some space. Anyway, Sunday’s off, definitely. Sorry, I gotta go before I start to lose it… click
Hi, this is Jill… beep
Jill, please give me another chance… I know we can make it work! I’ve never felt this close to anyone in a long while… it’s hard to make this kind of connection these days. Just think about it okay? click
This is Allen… beep
Sorry Allen, it’s over. Please don’t call again and make it any harder on both of us. Goodbye. click
Ring… ring… ring… ring”¦
Jill, Jill!! Pick up… please!
The number you have reached had been changed to an unpublished number… click
R.A. Lewis is a Florida resident who has been writing stories and songs for several years. He lives with his wife, two teenaged daughters (God help him) and a Border collie who refuses to bark. He once wrote a country song recorded by an obscure artist in Germany, entitled “I Hate To Drink Alone So I Drink Till I See Double”.
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16 Responses to “VOICE MAIL AFFAIR • by R.A. Lewis”
Comments
« LOVE MADE THAT TINY HEART THUMP • by Bill West | Home | BROTHER SOLSON AND SISTER LUNA • by James Enge »
February 16th, 2008 at 5:51 am
I love this, fresh idea, smart, funny.
Also love the bio, country song titles to ponder, “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly”. – Loretta and Conway
Sounds like the border collie needs a herd to herd.
Thanks, smiled all the way through the story.
mike
February 16th, 2008 at 6:58 am
I loved this too! Speed dating – cut out the messy bits of actual contact. Original and funny.
It’s the way of the future folks!
February 16th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Loved it! Nice job. (And great country title, too! – Although I don’t think you have to be a country fan to accomplish that.)
February 16th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Love this. Fresh. Funny. True. What else could any one want first thing in the morning?
February 16th, 2008 at 8:38 am
R.A.,
Great story. Smooth. I’ve seen people try and do something like this–and not do well–but you pulled it off quite nicely.
Thanks.
February 16th, 2008 at 8:55 am
R.A.
I loved your story. Very original and a true sign of the times. I wish there was voicemail when I was dating, eons ago. It would have saved a lot of time. Country music is the best!
Thanks
February 16th, 2008 at 11:37 am
Clever. Nicely done.
February 16th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Sign of the times–a whole relationship began, flourished and died by phone–oh, well!
February 16th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
I had the feeling they were never going to get it together but you wrote it so well, I kept reading just the same. It made me smile.
February 16th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Haven’t seen anything like this before but think it worked very well. I enjoyed the idea that they had a whole relationship without ever meeting. Nicely done and fun to read.
February 16th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Well done,
thanks
February 17th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Really well done — both characters well developed.
February 17th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Too funny! The concept had the potential to go either way, but you definitely pulled it off. Well done!
Another Florida writer heard from!
February 19th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Really enjoyed this one!
February 19th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Thank you for your comments. If you have any concerns, please leave a message. I’ll get back to you.
February 23rd, 2008 at 5:07 am
Hey! This concept is terrific. Enjoyed!