When my husband came back he was different. At night when I lay beside him, I’d only pretend to sleep. And when I did drop off, I’d have the dream. And wake from it with relief. Until I remembered why I’d dreamt it.
I didn’t want him to go to Chorien in the first place, but at the time–unarguably–those who dared to cross the border could make fortunes from the New East. Apparently xIin is all the rage there. You just pop into a little street-side booth and have it done. Yes, I was expecting him to bring something back. But an object, a blueprint, a design: not something internal.
xIin is an emotion: a new emotion, that hasn’t existed before. I used to plead with my husband to describe it but he couldn’t. It’s not like anger or satisfaction or fear or lust or tiredness or boredom or expectation. Neither is it like a mixture of these–it’s not like a mixture of colours; it’s like a new colour.
I could tell when it came to him. Even from behind I could recognise the twist in his body shape. From the front, his face would distort in a way that was… meaningless. Not human, not even animal: only other. Then I’d think: What if he got it when we were making love?
It drove me mad that there never seemed to be any sense to what triggered it. Sometimes a shade of blue did it, but other times not. Sometimes it was the creak of a chair in a stuffy room. Sometimes it was a particularly mundane holiday snap. Sometimes it was me. It was me, yet I was not involved. I might as well be a stuffy room or a boring photo.
I would ask him: “What is it for?”
“It’s not for anything in particular,” he’d say. “It’s not evolutionary, it’s artificial.” (I would hate his smugness when he said this.)
I begged him to have it removed, but by then they had closed the borders and there was no chance. I could tell he was relieved.
It wasn’t only that he had this thing that made me feel outdated, bewildered, merely human. There was also the dream.
In the dream, I would watch myself racing through their strange streets, searching for my husband. I’d run and run until I’d look into one of those little booths, and there he would be. And he’d turn to face me. And I would be too frightened to stay and see if he wanted me there.
***
My wife didn’t understand. True, there is a new part of me she can’t understand. For me, choosing it was an adventure, but she took it as a betrayal.
At night she’d lie beside me, quietly breathing. Sleep had always been her refuge. Me: I’d brood in the silence.
She would insist that explaining xIin is the same as explaining anything else. But the whole point of xIin is that it isn’t like anything else. You might as well expect a bat to explain the feel of echolocation. I’d tell her xIin doesn’t run on the physiology she has, while mine has been extended–xTended, to be technical. I admit; talking like that didn’t help.
She’d expect xIin to be explicable, predictable. But why should that be? When you see your wife you feel love–but not every time. That’s how life is.
After the borders closed it was obvious I had to be discreet. It made me ashamed that I needed to hide the fact I was different. On occasions I even tried to disguise it from my wife. Then I’d think: What if I get it when we are making love?
She’d ask me if I would have xIin removed given the chance. But what could I say? It extends the breadth of my life. I was hurt she could ask.
The isolation is hard. At heart, humans are herd animals. At night, I’d dream of the xIin houses of Chorien. Places we could meet together: men, women and children. xIin objects would be brought to us, xIin plays performed. How beautiful–to be able to share.
At times I would fantasise about making my way back. But I was frightened to think of what I would have to leave behind.
***
The noise of the stream should cover our footsteps. A moonless night. We pray the guards are more interested in guarding the border against the East, than watching for us leaving. We have left behind our tent, our car. We have left behind everything. The water of the stream is cold but clean as it flows over our boots. I hold my wife’s hand to steady her. We have left behind nothing. Together, we cross the border to a different life.
Mark Harding lives in Edinburgh and is a member of the Glasgow Science Fiction Writers’ Circle.
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19 Responses to “XIIN • by Mark Harding”
Comments
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November 2nd, 2007 at 4:29 am
Wow! Something totally different and unique- a new emotion. Well done and very thought provoking!
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:23 am
Bewitching. a lovely story - fresh & original. The jump at the end was a little too big for me - from His POV to them both escaping. But otherwise a riveting read.
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:34 am
Reminded me of the Europeans leaving hearth and home for America–fleeing pope and king for Freedom.
Great story, Mark!!
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:59 am
Thank you for your comments guys. We often think of other people as being unfathomable when that is far from the case. I wondered what it would take for someone to actually be beyond understanding. One thing I am certain of, is that if it were available, people would take xLin just for fun! Interesting comment about the POV change at the end.
Thanks again, Mark H
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Yes I found the end a little too quick. Tha POV of both was fascinating though and I loved the concept of a new emotion. It’s like when you are a child and you wonder what it’s like to be a grown up. A good read.
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Great story,
I liked the POV change but I didn’t much care for the last paragraph. Either it needs to be longer or removed completely.
Great story, Original, I liked it a lot.
November 2nd, 2007 at 2:00 pm
I agree with Steven on the last paragraph, but it was such a creative story. What a great idea you came up with.
November 2nd, 2007 at 2:09 pm
This story was so original and compelling we had to publish it. The idea of a new emotion is intriguing, and though the ending felt a little rushed, this is a flash market and the word count is pretty tight.
November 2nd, 2007 at 2:51 pm
Hi.
Opening sentence grabbed me. However, you immediately changed the subject by discussing her sleeping habits. I would have preferred to know right then and there how he was different. Consequently, I found this piece meandered very quickly and seemed quite muddled.
I also found cryptic stuff that thew me out of the story while I pondered the meaning. When writing flash do everything possible to avoid throwing readers out of the story. They may lose interest.
For example, this cryptic sentence threw me out of the tale: Sometimes it was a particularly mundane holiday snap. I’m unsure to what ‘it’ refers in this sentence. I’m also unsure what a mundane holiday snap is. And I’m perplexed about ‘a particularly mundane holiday snap.’ I read this sentence a few times and couldn’t decipher the meaning. That’s what can happen when we try to be artsy instead of focusing on storytelling.
One particular paragraph was also quite cryptic: It drove me mad that there never seemed to be any sense to what triggered it. Sometimes a shade of blue did it, but other times not. Sometimes it was the creak of a chair in a stuffy room. Sometimes it was a particularly mundane holiday snap. Sometimes it was me. It was me, yet I was not involved. I might as well be a stuffy room or a boring photo.
Too many ‘it’ words here, each having unclear references.
If you decided to try another version of this interesting concept, consider having her do something to fight against the situation. Would create more tension.
Flash ficiton is always more interesting when there’s lots of dialog. This narrative seems to go on and on, and no climax is ever reached.
Regards,
Michael A. Kechula
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Wow! Thanks for all the comments and so much interest in the story. I like stories that are short and present an idea without clutter. In my case with this story, I found it hard to avoid touching on the tension that would arise in the relationship between the couple. And then I liked the idea of them coming up with a solution (the last paragraph) because I like to think people are capable of that. I agree with dj barber’s comment that there is a sense of liberation. (That was the idea anyway!)
Mark H
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I suspect ‘a particularly mundane holiday snap’ is maybe a rather British way of speaking. But honest, my family really do talk like that!
Mark H
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Hi Mark,
Thanks for your explanation. I always tell my students when writing flash fiction, avoid: slang, unusual idiomatic expressions, regional dialog, and foreign words. Reason: our reading audience is global these days. If you use, for example, slang then people thousands of miles away may be thrown out of the story when they can’t decipher your meaning.
I said in my previous note, the last thing we want to do as flash fiction writers is to throw readers out of a story. Do it enough times and they may stop reading the tale forever.
I also suggest to my students that when writing flash ficiton, they should tell the story the same way they would tell a friend over coffee. In flash, consider using wordcount to tell a story, not to dazzle us with artsy prose. The flash stories that sell most tell a story as auickly as possible, and move forward at breakneck speed.
Regards,
Michael A. Kechula
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Hi Mark,
You are welcome. I’m glad you accepted my comments in the spirit they were given: to help you enhance your story, if you decide to make changes or write another version.
If you have to explain what you mean in a story, then the story isn’t clear enough. There’s a time and place for what I call artsy writing, but flash fiction really isn’t the medium for that.
I really thought your piece was extracted from a longer work.
Regards,
Michael A. Kechula
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:53 pm
Michael,
Thank you for your comments. I noticed you mentioned several times that the author might want to include your suggestions for future revisions, but this story is, of course, published. I assume you mean reprints?
As for idioms, I’m sorry you were thrown out of the story, but I suspect that your are approching the story as a writer, not a reader. The average reader would likely infer the idiom’s meaning from the context and continue if they were enjoying the story.
Additionally, as you pointed out, our market is global. To ban authors from using all idioms would be crippling, and it’s our policy to give our authors as much room to write as possible.
In regards to the cryptic sentence (or paragraph), it’s my feeling that Mark used that technique to effectively capture the helplessness and confusion of the POV character in facing something beyond her experience.
So it seems we have a difference of opinion. The things you point out as flaws I view as strengths. Personally, I look forward to reading more of Mark Harding’s fiction.
November 2nd, 2007 at 6:49 pm
I very much enjoyed this story. For what it’s worth, the “mundane holiday snaps” line stopped me only for a nano-second and certainly not enough to throw me out of the story.
I am probably showing my age and gender here, but this reminded me of a futuristic version of the long running and much beloved Ladies Home Journal feature ” Can This Marriage be saved?” I half expected the last section to be the counselor explaining how the couple resolved their differences. It also reminded me of psychedelic experiences, which are impossible to explain to those who haven’t experienced them.
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Hi Jordan,
From the reactions I’m receiving about my comments, I don’t see any point in making any further comments. I didn’t realise that this site was supposed to be a mutual admiration society.
Good luck to all, and keep writing.
Regards,
Michael A. Kechula
November 18th, 2007 at 7:12 pm
This charmed me quite a bit. I’ve wondered before about this very subject, actually (a totally new emotion), and I like how you’ve treated it. (I’m also a bit jealous that you’ve already used the idea, but oh well, that’s what I get for not writing about it when the thought occured to me.)
November 19th, 2007 at 10:21 am
Thanks for your comments KJ - I’m very pleased you liked it. Obviously great (or weird) minds think alike. I suspect there is more that could be done with the subject, so I don’t think xIin is the definitive treatment!
December 1st, 2007 at 12:51 am
Wow Mark,
You kicked up a storm over this one.
Its much, much better than the last time I saw it.
I do kinda see what people meant about the end, but I think the clarity of the resolution was worth it.
I don’t actually think it was the POV shift that was that jarred, as it gave nice symmetry with the other POV shift, but the Jump from apparently relationship rupturing problem to ‘happy families solution’ (I exagerrate for brevity) did kinda undercut some of the seriousness of what went before.
Still really enjoyed it though, much more now that I know what actually happened at the end.
P.S for anyone else reading this - I was there when Mark workshopped this prior to publication, it has NOT been published anywhere else.